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Compensation pay out

(28 Posts)
ilovesprouts Tue 30-May-17 12:53:46

Got my compensation payout after 4 years of waiting has a few interim payments in between. I've gave both kids around 8k each ds1 saving his dd1 now expects me to pay her rent arrears off around 1600 pounds or they are getting evicted I can't keep dolling out money because dd1 and her fella can't afford stuff they have missed weeks paying rent out now. Expected me to pay this is not the first time I've helped them out I've helped them out about 6 times giving them money for the rent etc now she's got a mutual pal involved say oh help them out they won't ask again knowing well that they will I'm sick of paying for other ppl bills yes she's my dd but her boyfriends family won't help them because they have helped to lots of times like me now I've got my daughter on the phone crying what we have got left at last me for life any advice please.

Picklepickle123 Tue 30-May-17 12:55:19

I'm confused - if you've given them 8k each, then why is she asking you for more money? Can't she pay her rent arrears from the 8k?

ilovesprouts Tue 30-May-17 13:15:05

She says she's spent it on stuff etc she's had 8k in the last few months now wants more money to pay her rent arrears off.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 30-May-17 13:16:03

Bank of sprouts is closed. . .

dementedpixie Tue 30-May-17 13:17:25

You can't keep bailing them out or they will never learn to stand on their own two feet.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Tue 30-May-17 13:19:54

Just say no. She's spanked £8k in no time. She's an adult. No more. Let her cry and let her plan how to solve her own crisis.

Duckstar Tue 30-May-17 13:20:25

Is the compensation for an injury/disease? If so, she is depriving you of money you may need in future. Will she help you out then? I bet not.

Moreisnnogedag Tue 30-May-17 13:32:30

Yeah well she should have perhaps paid her rent with it rather than on stuff. £8k is absolutely loads and they obviously don't care - they believe someone else will bail them out.

Enough is enough (I hope that you have spent a considerable amount on yourself).

user1483387154 Tue 30-May-17 13:33:30

Time to say 'No'

Mummmy2017 Tue 30-May-17 13:40:55

Tell her to sell the stuff she bought to pay, as you don't have any spare now.

nauticant Tue 30-May-17 13:54:18

The simple fact is that your DD1 didn't use the money to pay off the rent arrears because she viewed it as her own money to fritter away as she pleases while the rent arrears are for someone else to pay off for her. She's confident a mug will turn up. After all, that's always worked in the past.

Time to do your DD1 a huge favour and refuse. Learning to take responsibility for herself will be a very useful life lesson.

ilovesprouts Tue 30-May-17 13:59:16

Yes I bought my self a bungalow out of my compensation money she has helped me out when I came home but I've been giving them money for the past 4 years etc.her fella works but half of the time he won't pay his rent but he has to have £10+ for work on food and cigs every day, Ive told her no more money what I have left has to last me for life etc now she's crying say her and her kids are gonna be kicked out etc but there bills are not my responsibility.

notapizzaeater Tue 30-May-17 14:01:43

You've given them more than enough, you need to look after yourself first.

Picklepickle123 Tue 30-May-17 14:46:43

The best thing you can do is refuse to give her money, and offer to look over her expenses with her. Maybe she just needs a little help with money management? It's crap that her partner doesn't contribute, but that doesn't make her entitled to leach off whomsoever she pleases.

Agoddessonamountaintop Tue 30-May-17 14:52:22

Citizens advice will help her with her debts/arrears. And maybe her 'fella' needs to prioritise paying for the roof over his kids' heads rather than ciggies.

ilovesprouts Tue 30-May-17 15:26:04

We've been through her expenses etc they have four snakes one bearded dragon two dogs to Rabbits two cats four kittens now she's playing the guilt trip saying her kids my grandkids are gonna be homeless I've put my foot down band said no but they was supposed to be helping me move now they won't well I won't give in to black mail etc my youngest ds2 has SN that's why I bought my bungalow for us to have a easy life etc .

mummabubs Tue 30-May-17 15:52:44

Hard as it will be they have to live within their means... and it certainly sounds like they can't afford all the animals and live within their means. As others have said they will never learn to be self-sufficient whilst they have you to bail them out (and I speak as someone who borrowed over £8k from my parents for rent when I lost my job during my masters degree and have spent the 4 years following paying it all back). That's why I understand why parents lend money to their children, and I'd certainly want to be able to help my kids out but if people keep getting money hand outs I think there's a risk that they never learn the 'value' of money if that makes sense. Stay strong on this one OP! X

ilovesprouts Tue 30-May-17 15:59:52

They already owe me well over 1k in cash I've lent them over the past few years and when you ask back for the money her fella just grins and says yeah later but ur never comes about his own mother won't lend him any money or his auntie as he owes them both money too .

LIZS Tue 30-May-17 16:03:15

You need to emphasise each time they ask that the money you have left is for your and ds2 future. They have had their share. Don't allow their poor choices to become your problem.

ilovesprouts Tue 30-May-17 19:18:24

i'm now barred from seeing my grandkids who are 7/5 saying she's done with me for good now , she's even got my ex her dad involved now went to bed at 6 after she has a screaming match down the fone saying i've got thousands in the bank and i won't help her .

mummabubs Wed 31-May-17 06:44:27

That's a really difficult reaction for you to manage with but she's probably feeling panicky and emotional (understandably) and the only thing she's got to barter with to try and get you to change your mind are th grandkids. Try and resist the urge to react equally as spontaneously and hand over money. Like PPs have said if she goes to citizens advice there are people who can help her be independent in getting out of debt as this will be much better for her self-esteem in the long run. Hope you're looking after yourself OP x

user1492287253 Wed 31-May-17 06:54:21

you are absolutely doing the right thing.
i work for an insurer dealing with claims. i assume to have this level of compensation you were very seriously injured.
good work on buying the home. i think you need to make it known generally that any other money is tied up with your solicitors which only gives you a modest income on which to live which provides for yours and ds2s needs.
i am sorry that getting this settled has brought out the worst in people rather than giving you thr peace of mind it should. but dont give in to her

SaorAlbaGuBrath Wed 31-May-17 07:00:04

£8k is a massive amount of money, life changing to the vast majority of people. She's being very unfair and selfish, they have kids so should have paid their rent!

ilovesprouts Wed 31-May-17 09:27:42

Yes quite serious injurys I broke my spine in two places smashed my femur spent 9 weeks in hospital now have life changing injurys and I have cauda equina syndrome I've screws and rods in my back and a big pin in my left femur

Akire Wed 31-May-17 09:35:17

Stick to your guns, if her rent is £1600 how come she has zero? Could understand if she had big bill and is a few hundred short but it's people's biggest and most important bill. Where has the money gone? If she really can't afford to pay that high rent everymonth then maybe getting rehoused will help? THough unless she can show where the money has gone she will be seen as making herself homeless. Plus most landlords don't even try to start to evict after you miss one, so either she owes much more x3-4monthz or she's lying.

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