Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. Free legal advice is available from a Citizen's Advice Bureau, and the Law Society can supply a list of local solicitors.

Sahm - no money

(30 Posts)
babycubs Tue 28-Feb-17 22:19:22

Does anyone know of any websites or have ideas of work from home jobs for stay at home mums?

I've been a sahm mum for 2 years now and even though my dp pays the bills I never have any money to buy anything for myself. I feel awkward asking for money for clothes etc and he doesn't want us to have a joint account.


TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Tue 28-Feb-17 22:20:54

Whats he like otherwise?

OneWithTheForce Tue 28-Feb-17 22:21:30

Well you need to address this issue with your partner. You are entitled to access to the family finances. If you are caring for your shared children then you are contributing to the family just as he is by working outside of the home. It's a really unfair arrangement.

Lessthanaballpark Tue 28-Feb-17 22:23:33

It's a ridiculously unfair setup. You're facilitating him earning that money by look after your shared children so you should have access to the family money.

Littlefish Tue 28-Feb-17 22:27:55

You need immediate access to the family finances. Is your dp controlling in other ways too?

WellErrr Tue 28-Feb-17 22:29:17

He sounds a right twat. Sorry OP flowers

lazytuesday Tue 28-Feb-17 22:32:03

you either need to have a joint account or he should be sending you some money for personal items each time he gets paid. What does he expect you to do with no income? How does he expect you to dress and clean yourself?

Unless this is because you are absolutely destitute and he has no money to but personal items either then he is being financially abusive.

babycubs Tue 28-Feb-17 22:35:08

I don't really know how to address it tbh, I feel awkward. I just wish he'd offer! We aren't skint, he makes out we are but can afford to put money away in savings each week.

Fairylea Tue 28-Feb-17 22:36:29

You should both have equal spending money after all bills etc are paid. Anything less is unacceptable.

babycubs Tue 28-Feb-17 22:36:43

I feel like he thinks it's his money obviously because he's working. Feel so degrading and awkward asking him for money to buy a pair of jeans!

AdoraBell Tue 28-Feb-17 22:38:01

On what basis does he not want a joint account?

OneWithTheForce Tue 28-Feb-17 22:38:08

How did this situation happen? Did you work before having children? Do you get child benefit and tax credits?

daffodil10 Tue 28-Feb-17 22:38:15

This is exactly why I couldn't be a sahm, couldn't bare the thought of having to ask for money and not having my own. A friend of mine has to produce receipts!!!!!

RandomMess Tue 28-Feb-17 22:38:21

So basically you are an unpaid housekeeper and nanny? Do you have a mortgaged property - if so are you on the deeds?

fluffiphlox Tue 28-Feb-17 22:39:06

I wouldn't normally comment but your current setup is not on. I've been married 30+ years and it wouldn't have been acceptable in the 80s let alone the 21st century.

Lucked Tue 28-Feb-17 22:39:44

Personally I think this is financial abuse. I think you need to go back to work! (And make a plan to leave) Remember childcare comes outoif both your earnings so it is not the case that your wages don't cover nursery costs.

babycubs Tue 28-Feb-17 22:44:56

Adora, I don't really know just said he doesn't want one, I mentioned it because he never knows when certain bills need to be paid so if I had access to his money I'd just be able to pay them instead of getting behind.

Theforce, yes I did I actually started a job a couple of months ago but it worked out the money I was earning was basically going on nursery fees. I actually wish I kept at it now. Not entitled to tax credits because of his wage. But I have £20 that goes in my account but ends up getting spent on bills because he's so shit at paying them an I end up getting letters.

Daffodil, I enjoy being a sahm mum, I do wish I was working but i absolutely hate relying financially on a man. Hate it.

PastysPrincess Tue 28-Feb-17 22:45:06

I'm the only earner and my husband is a stay at home dad. Our finances are totally open and transparent between each other. He facilitates me earning the money by looking after our son. It's a partnership- I never question him when he asks for the card. The only reason we don't have a joint account is cos it's too much hassle to change everything now its set up. Major purchases get discussed equally. It's an equal partnership.

OneWithTheForce Tue 28-Feb-17 22:46:38

it worked out the money I was earning was basically going on nursery fees

So does he not think that childcare bills are half his?

babycubs Tue 28-Feb-17 22:46:45

£20 that is child benefit

pho3be Tue 28-Feb-17 22:50:42

Ironing. earnt a shed load ironing as a sahm

Lucked Tue 28-Feb-17 23:00:46

He has to pay childcare!

AdoraBell Tue 28-Feb-17 23:04:29

It's not his money. You are a family. The money earned is family money.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 28-Feb-17 23:07:31

If you were to raise this issue, do you think it would be resolved to your satisfaction? You say you don't like to mention it, what do you think would happen?

Lapinlapin Tue 28-Feb-17 23:08:09

This is awful. You seriously need to sort this out!

How on earth does he think you can live with no money coming in?
You're a family, so the money is family money, not his.

I take it you're not married? You really have very little security with the current set up. Please make sure you take steps to sort it.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: