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How to split costs fairly with partner whilst only earning Statutory Mat Pay?

(40 Posts)
user1484573121 Mon 16-Jan-17 13:53:24

Not sure if this is the right place to ask this question and I'm new to the site so apologies if it's not meant for this site.

I'm just wanting a bit of advice please. I'm due to have my first baby in June and I'm already worrying about the 6 months where I'll only earn SMP. I've worked out how much I'll receive, along with the child benefit allowance and ill still be really overdrawn every month. I don't live an extravagant lifestyle either..this is just for paying the mortgage and bills etc.
I have a partner who does earn quite a lot more than me and obviously will be earning substantially more whilst I'm only getting SMP, but I'm not sure what's the best way to work out money between us during this period? I don't want to get into money difficulties and don't want to have to ask him for money for nappies etc every week but also am not sure what's the right approach to working out how much he needs to 'pay me' in a sense to support me during this time.
It's a difficult situation as my partner lives in my house (which I own solely) and up until now we have just paid half each towards the mortgage/bills since he moved in.
Any advise on how to work this out would be appreciated.
Thanks x

AuntiePenguin Mon 16-Jan-17 14:07:12

All money goes into one pot. All expenses come out of that pot.

You will be living together and having a baby, so the usual approach is that you are one financial unit.

Bear in mind that he'll only be able to go work because you will be providing childcare, so he's really not "supporting you", he's covering his part of the costs of raising his child.

Ginslinger Mon 16-Jan-17 14:09:06

all money goes in one pot - and I agree with everything Auntie Penguin said and don't be apologetic about it or act like it's at all unusual to be doing that.

BackforGood Mon 16-Jan-17 14:09:26

Once you have dc, you need to consider all money 'family money.
Put it all into one account when anything comes in (your SMP, his salary, Child Benefit, any other income), then you allocate all the bills, expenses, etc. If you have enough you allocate some for different savings pots - holiday, emergency, unexpected expenses, long term savings, decorating fund, car fund, clothes, baby equipment, childcare, Christmas, whatever, then you share out what's left equally between the 2 of you, for 'spends' on whatever you like.
Nobody needs to be asking the other for money.

Parker231 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:10:41

Why is it your house and a joint property? Are you not living as a couple?

Parker231 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:11:15

... and not a joint property!

QuiteLikely5 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:13:38

Can you ask him ?

SpeakNoWords Mon 16-Jan-17 14:13:48

Totally agree with what BackforGood and AuntiePenguin have said.

bloodyteenagers Mon 16-Jan-17 14:16:15

Why wouldn't he pay for nappies and stuff? It's his child as well and he has to also be financially responsible for meeting all his child's needs.
Clothing, toys, toiletries, cot, prism, roof,
Gas, electricity, water, childcare etc
He wouldn't be paying you. He would be paying his share of having a child.

ATailofTwoKitties Mon 16-Jan-17 14:24:14

OK, as a bare minimum I'd say he should be giving you what you would get if you were not living together:

15% of his salary (as that's what he would pay in maintenance)
£20-ish per week to compensate for your loss of Child benefit (if he earns enough that you wouldn't qualify for this)
the difference between single person/couples council tax
anything you might be able to claim in other benefits if he wasn't there.

KavvLar Mon 16-Jan-17 14:30:11

We have a joint account that we put a proportion of our earnings into. That pays for all bills, mortgage, food shops nappies etc.

Then we have our own accounts. We have an agreed amount that we keep to spend on whatever we fancy - presents, lunches out, X box games. It's not loads each month but crucially it is the same amount for both of us.

It doesn't matter if he puts in three times what you do (and I have been the person who does that). It just matters that the family is looked after

user1484573121 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:33:02

Thank you for all the replies. Parker 231, the reason the house is only in my name is because I saved the full deposit and bought the house before I met him. Eventually he plans to give me half towards the deposit I paid and both be on the mortgage but that might not happen for another couple of years

Parker231 Mon 16-Jan-17 15:34:28

Do you have joint finances now or at least access to any joint savings and an equal amount of individual money?

Emilyjay Mon 16-Jan-17 15:46:12

At it stands, nothing we do financially is joint. I pay the mortgage and all the bills from my account and he transfers me half towards everything monthly. We then split food shops, meals out ect 50/50.
I totally agree that in a situation where we both owned the home that everything should be shared equally i.e joint account. The thing that's making my situation more difficult is that I own the house and made the big deposit payment.

Mungobungo Mon 16-Jan-17 15:52:41

It doesn't mater that you are the owner on the deeds, you both have responsibility for this new baby and therefore should both be contributing towards the household.
You need to sit down and work out your SMP and if/how your partner can meet the shortfall, which includes him transferring money to your account so that you won't have to ask for money OR you set up a joint account into which both of you contribute what you can toward all bills, including the mortgage

SheldonCRules Mon 16-Jan-17 20:01:25

I think it would be very unfair for him to have a joint account where he will be paying for practically everything yet has no interest in the property.

His share of the bills and half the child's expenses but not everything unless you add him to the deeds. We always remind women to protect themselves so he needs too as well.

ellesbellesxxx Wed 18-Jan-17 07:20:31

We are expecting twins in June and have had to sit down and look at our finances...
We have always kept our own accounts (just through habit to be honest!) but both paid into a joint account for house stuff... proportionally as he earns more.
I have saved some money to put in the joint account for a few months worth of bills to help out but my husband will be taking on paying all our bills around Christmas.
I have savings otherwise to dip into to top up smp but once they are gone again, we will probably just have a joint account for spends (keeping bills separate)
We are lucky in that we had money put by (as we had IVF) which as we are having two means it will help out as won't be worth me going back to work!

NickyEds Wed 18-Jan-17 07:37:08

So is your dp currently saving to try and 'buy you out' of half of the deposit? It makes most sense to me for all money to go into one pot and all expenses to come out of it. Could he pay the mortgage for the period of mat leave and a proportion of that money count towards his share of the deposit? Tbh either way it sounds complicated! I have friend with dc who have never joined their finances and they're always talking about their dh 'owing' them money for Christmas presents or them 'owing' money for nursery fees- me and dp have always had joint cash so it feels very odd to me!

Emilyjay Wed 18-Jan-17 09:56:43

Again, thank you for the replies.
It is more complicated in our situation. If we both owned the house, it would be much easier as we would just put everything into one pot. The thing making it difficult is that it seems unfair for me to ask him to pay the majority of the mortgage/bills whilst i'm only earning SMP, when he's not actually on the deeds. At the same time, he feels it's unfair that I add him fully onto the deeds when it took me a good 5 years to struggle and save up a hefty deposit on the house which we both live in. If it wasn't for me doing that, we would both now be in rented accommodation, in which case the money we put in would not be paying towards anything that we could eventually get back/own the house anyway.

The idea that NickyEds suggested of counting what he's paid in during SMP could be a good idea of working out a proportion of what he 'owns'. It may result in us having to get an agreement drawn up - which I really don't like the idea of, but being sensible and all that! Eventually, we hope to buy our next home together and get married, in which case everything will be 50/50, but the situation as it stands is a lot harder to keep if fair for both of us...hence the request for advice :-)

Ginmakesitallok Wed 18-Jan-17 10:05:22

So, you/he doesn't want to give you money towards the mortgage because he's saving to give you money for the mortgage? ? Glad you've seen that makes no sense!

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Jan-17 10:09:02

OP, why don't you have a quick wedding and share all expenses, if he's the right man for you?

alltouchedout Wed 18-Jan-17 10:10:18

One pot family money. How else is it going to work? And he can.still save. That's what everyone else does- I can't not pay my rent and childcare and bills and expenses because I'm saving a deposit. He can't prioritise his saving over his family's needs.

AyeAmarok Wed 18-Jan-17 10:12:28

All money into one pot.

You say you don't want to "ask him for money for nappies" as if you're asking him for a treat for yourself like a manicure! It's his baby, babies need nappies.

You're a team now (or at least, you should be). He needs to share his earnings with you now.

Emilyjay Wed 18-Jan-17 10:23:21

Pointless message to reiterate what I said!

Emilyjay Wed 18-Jan-17 10:25:20

the above post is aimed at Ginmakesitallok.

Thank you for everyone else's helpful replies. It's a big help to be able to get others' opinions and advice.

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