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anxious, homeless, domestic violence fleeing mess!

(36 Posts)
GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 17:43:26

Hello everyone this I see my first ever post but have been a big Mumsnet fan for years. I'm 25 , single and This February I fled an extremely abusive , violent relationship, taking my 8 year old boy with me. We have been in a women's refuge until TODAY :-) when we were given a bedsit, temporary accommodation. I'm chuffed as now don't have to "do Christmas" in one room with some unsavoury carachters lurking :-/. Sorry to sound stuck up but I'm afraid of being around drunk people/ people on drugs as my ex was as I now know, on both.
Anyway I applied for the necessary IAP etc and they're all pending. Unfortunately all my son and I have is a single bed (for him obvs, I gladly sleep on the floor and don't mind one bit), a lamp, our clothes, toiletries, small microwave and a bar stool type seat.
I had my Esa payment today and am not due anymore money until after Christmas.
I do have a microwave so I can knock up a (lame I know) Sunday dinner and I always eat standing up anyway and don't mind one bit,, so was thinking of decorating the largest, widest windowsill with tinsel and the bar stool so my boy can have a Christmassy dinner style thing. There's no way we can have a tree or anything like that, we're miles away from my friends and my family live abroad and are estranged anyway. We don't have a tv or anything like that and all I have managed to get for my boy are things that have cost less than a fiver or stocking filler type things :-(
I'm feeling really guilty and anxious for putting my boy through this after he's been used to lovely christmases with presents, decorations, fun, food, snacks etc and he's such a gentle, kind, quiet type of boy since we fled that I know he'll just go into himself, and be so gentlemanly and kind that he won't even complain. I see him looking at shops and other kids with scooters and hate myself for this. I should probably mention that my dose of anxiety medication has just increased so I'm not at my best anyway. The sheer despair is just growing and growing in me and it's getting worse with the "countdown". I've had to buy gas, electric, hat, scarf and gloves today and I just can't cope! My heart feels like a brick and in a bedsit, I can only go and cry in the toilet! Any advice or tips or anything would be so greatly welcomed! Thank you for reading !

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Tue 20-Dec-16 17:46:44

As you were in the refuge aren't WA still in touch with you?

They can help with an extra bed or know where you can apply for one and can help you out with food bank, Christmas presents from various charities etc. Call them and see how they can help.

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 17:55:15

Thanks for your reply. As far as I know I've been handed over to the housing association xX

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Tue 20-Dec-16 17:57:32

WA have out reach workers. I still had one for a year or so after I left the refuge. They can help with all sorts of things. Just call and explain that you need some support. They won't leave you to struggle alone.

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 17:58:39

Yes I did have a support worker. Thank you I will try that :-) xx

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Tue 20-Dec-16 18:00:47

Good luck. Our first christmas away from my ex was in the refuge, and it was small, there wasn't much in the way of presents or anything, but it was the best one ever because we were free flowers

Bauble16 Tue 20-Dec-16 18:02:04

You should also receive tax credits on top of ESA if your not working smile

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 18:03:33

I do yes, we get 54 per week which was paid on Monday but I had to contribute to WA to license xX

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 18:04:59

TV license even :-/ xX thanks for all your replies, I think I need a cold shower and a self-face-slap.

Mooey89 Tue 20-Dec-16 18:07:53

Congratulations on your new life. The best Christmas present ever.

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 18:08:34

:-) that means the world to me, thank you xX

ladyballs Tue 20-Dec-16 18:11:47

Congratulations! You've given your boy the best Christmas present he could ever have.

Sending you strength and Christmas wishes. flowers

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Tue 20-Dec-16 18:12:42

Again that honestly makes me teary so thank you :-) xX

wishparry Tue 20-Dec-16 19:01:20

Congratulations from me may not have a lot this Christmas,but you have your son and your son has you.that is all that you mind me asking what town you are in?you may be able to get a tv/sofa on freecycle?
merry Christmas to you both.smileflowers

Toasterwaffle Tue 20-Dec-16 20:42:57

Congratulations OP and good luck in your new home. Your boy sounds like a little star and as others have said you have given him the best present you possibly could - freedom. Agree with others about speaking to the refuge about continued support. I wonder would you be eligible for any extra help - I know when a cousin of mine was housed she was given a grant to cover essential white goods, furniture etc? Good luck OP xx

Slaymill Wed 21-Dec-16 10:55:33

Dear OP
First congratulations on taking a new step towards a happier life for you and your son. I would visit the library to see what local charities are in the area and also contact the Salvation Army they may help with something to make your son smile. Have you looked at The Freecycle Network ?

Keep in contact x

Missdread Wed 21-Dec-16 12:22:02

OP where in the country are you? I'd love to help if you are close by!!! Do you have a food bank nearby where you could collect a food parcel for Christmas?

Afreshstartplease Wed 21-Dec-16 12:26:22

Bless you op you sound like a lovely mum , well done for leaving that man

Orchidflower1 Wed 21-Dec-16 12:40:26

You sound so brave and strong- which you are I'm sure even if you don't feel it. Agree with contacting charities or local church for help. Hoping and praying 2017 is better for you xxx

GuiltAndWOrryAndSmiles Wed 21-Dec-16 15:11:56

Thank you so much to every one of you, !!! I smiled today !!! Lol. I'm in Cardiff in Wales.xx I will go to the library and see what I can root out!!! I'm actually embracing this as a challenge now and really want to try and get some help and smash this countdown xx

AndNowItsSeven Wed 21-Dec-16 15:25:18

Contact the school and WA they will help with a present for your ds.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Wed 21-Dec-16 15:27:03 Depending on your payment date your tax credits will change over Christmas and New Year.

Don't be afraid to ask for help & support. Freecycle can be brilliant. When we went through a hard time money wise we got some great stuff on there & I've freecycled things like a dining room table with chairs & fridge freezer before now. Does your local tip have a shop? Ours sells lots of small to medium electrical appliances, fully tested, for £5-£10. I might be worth talking to your HA too. Some can help with the cost of white goods & large furniture in some situations.

Good luck in 2017. Mumsnet is a fabulous place for support & for helping you find real life support too flowers

AndNowItsSeven Wed 21-Dec-16 15:36:32

If you get tax credits weekly on Monday you will be paid again this Friday.

Pringlesandwine Wed 21-Dec-16 16:06:08

Congratulations on your new life with your son... you've given him the best present he could wish for and he sounds like a lovely boy who will always remember how brave his mum was. Wishing you both a peaceful christmas and a wonderful 2017 xx

OurBlanche Wed 21-Dec-16 16:16:23

Track2000 is a furniture recycling charity in Cardiff: 02920 332533

They should be helpful, the one near me is great! They handle everything you could possibly need, usually deliver too!

Foodbank, ask your WA link, HV or any other health/welfare person you know. We have lots of Christmas boxes still, so do track one down... even if they say they are closed, ask! I went in this morning even though it isn't our opening day.

Freecycle or Freegle: whichever is more used in your area. Loads of good stuff gets given away. You might be surprised!

Congratulations on your new home, new life and have fun in the new year flowers

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