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How generous are you with friends?

(17 Posts)
Mymothersdaughter Sat 29-Oct-16 12:56:53

Just thought I'd throw the question out there- how generous are you with your friends- like do you offer to pay for things for other people? How much is too much/not enough?

JoJoSM2 Sat 29-Oct-16 13:48:23

My friends and I pay for ourselves. The only time I'd spend money is when I buy them a present (birthday, Christmas etc) or if I invite them over for a nice meal (i.e. Buying nice food and drink). I'd only pay for a meal, tickets to sth etc as a thank you for something or as a present.

Mymothersdaughter Sat 29-Oct-16 14:03:12

Sounds fair to me JoJo sometimes it can be awkward when people are too randomly generous! I find it really hard to gauge sometimes I have to stop and tell myself 'no you don't have any obligation to pay for that'

JoJoSM2 Sat 29-Oct-16 16:41:59

Yeah, I've had it before that someone would buy me expensive tickets to s gig and I had to be very insistent to pay them back. Otherwise, I'd find it awkward...

Xmasbaby11 Sat 29-Oct-16 16:46:32

Some of my friends are very generous but they are much richer than me. I accept it and thank them. They enjoy doing it and I'd do the same if the tables were turned.

For example, when my friend was getting married she paid for my share of the hen weekend about £300. I wouldn't have been able to afford it so it worked out well - we had a great time. She has masses, absolutely masses more money than me - I obviously wouldn't let her otherwise.

BackforGood Sat 29-Oct-16 16:50:31

I think you'd need to be a bit more specific.
This will depend on the friend, the circumstance of you having a load of spare money, the circumstance of them not having enough, the things or event you want to spend it on.
In my world, people are far more likely to be generous with their time - I don't think I know many people with loads of spare cash grin

WhisperingLoudly Sat 29-Oct-16 16:51:21

I've very few friends who I split bills (meals/event tickets etc) with: we tend to take it in returns. I do have friends who are less well off and they probably have less turns than me. I'm glad I can do that.

Mymothersdaughter Sat 29-Oct-16 17:11:31

That sounds nice whispering

backforgood I don't know if there is a specific question really! I was just kinda curious whether people tend to pay out for others or if the mentality is more pay for yourself. Sometimes there are situations where I think I should just let the odd £20 here and there slide (like if I bought tickets to something) then I realise I'm spending too much in life!

We buy rounds and coffees and things but would probs split a restaurant food.

We have some very generous friends but does sometimes feel in general like we end up paying for more things. We've got more money but only because there are two of us earning but most of our friends are single.

Was just curious really to hear others' thoughts

BackforGood Sat 29-Oct-16 17:19:16

Well, generally, my experience is that people on a budget are often incredibly proud, and wouldn't be at all comfortable with people treating them to things, but there are subtler ways of treating people, such as not accepting petrol money for a long journey, insisting you were going anyway, or by having people stay at yours and obviously treating them to all food etc., where there's not an obvious payment for something.

SheldonCRules Sun 30-Oct-16 18:56:14

If I host or invite, I pay and likewise friends do. If just a general get together or an event, we pay our own way.

I'm generous with presents but prefer to buy something that a person will like and use rather than waste money.

WhisperingLoudly Sun 30-Oct-16 19:10:58


It's nice to be able to do it - I enjoy treating people and these days I'm able to do it so it's my pleasure. In the past I've been on the receiving end so I consider it paying it forward

Aroundtheworldandback Wed 09-Nov-16 21:51:52

I've always loved being generous, but there's nothing that ruins the feeling as much as feeling taken for granted/advantage of.

AmeliaJack Wed 09-Nov-16 21:57:33

We have more money than many of our friends.

I am quite careful to keep gifts within the same budget range that they spend on me.

I might occasionally treat my best friend to lunch but we usually split it.

She would feel uncomfortable if I splashed the cash and I value her too much for that.

Gwenhwyfar Sat 12-Nov-16 17:46:30

"my experience is that people on a budget are often incredibly proud, and wouldn't be at all comfortable with people treating them to things"

I'm happy to accept free drinks and meals from people who earn much more than me! If I'm out for lunch with a much older man who I know has quite a bit of money, for example, I will accept their offer to pay for lunch without planning to pay myself next time, but I'll pay for the drinks or something so, obviously, I'm being subsidised, but am also contributing. I don't think it's my fault I earn less than some people so I don't feel ashamed for receiving free things. Also, when I'm out of work it's obvious that I wouldn't be able to come out at all unless someone else is going to help with the cost.

Needmoresleep Sun 13-Nov-16 16:19:25

Years ago when I was a student a friend who was earning used to take me out for an occasional meal. He always paid. When I protested he made me promise to pay for others when I was better off. I do, and make them promise to carry on paying it forward when they are in a similar position. It gets past the pride. And it's nice to treat people.

That said there can be an awkwardness. I always pay for one friend but have now got to the point where I feel it's expected. I appreciate she is broke but wonder why she makes little effort to reciprocate in other ways like inviting me over, or suggesting we go somewhere like a free concert. The money does not matter and I enjoy her company but I am feeling used.

jimijack Sun 13-Nov-16 16:30:27

I have no issue with treating a friend to a pub tea for example, but I have a very very good friend who is quite wealthy, she is extremely generous, thoughtful, kind and lovely.
She has spent great deals of money on gifts for me and my family and I just cannot reciprocate her generosity.
I fed embarrassed and somewhat awkward.
She Turns up with bunches of flowers, posh cakes and gifts......for no reason.
I did try to be as generous but it was just too much.
Feel awful.

Gwenhwyfar Sun 13-Nov-16 20:36:44

"Feel awful."

Why? She has lots of money. She'd probably feel bad if she couldn't share any of it so you're helping her.

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