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Husband wants my money

(11 Posts)
user1476195026 Tue 11-Oct-16 15:51:35

I will be coming into some money soon, when I do it will be enough to purchase a small property cash to rent out. I then wanted to purchase another buy-to-let property, secured on the first property and start a little business. I feel this would be easy money for me to earn, as due to my health I don't know how much longer i can continue to do physical work to make financial contributions at home, and the money if not invested will soon dwindle away on holidays and such.

When I spoke with my husband about this idea, he didn't want to talk about it. Was quite rude, abrupt and anything he had to say was completely and utterly negative, I.e. You can't do this, you can't do that, I don't know why I just think you can not do it. No don't ask so-and-so for advice, they won't be able to help you....

He has always joked that when the money came through, I should spend it all on his house, (he bought it as a single person) creating a two story side extension and a 'boys room' for him to enjoy and get away in. I am thinking now, it was no joke, he was serious all along, and now the penny has dropped, I want to spend the money to make money instead of spending it on his house, he's just closed himself off from me. I can't talk to him about any of it now, as the response is quite off-putting and my doubts are starting to set in as a result.

I have always contributed at home, buying food, paying for maintenance and upkeep, going halves on holidays and paying for meals out etc. And increasing my earning potential means I can help out more. So why is he being so negative towards me and what I think is a great money making idea which will benefit all of us?

Have I missed something????

PS: his house is not small, it's big and we don't need any extra room here. He works and earns way way more than I do.

umizoomi Tue 11-Oct-16 16:02:12

I find so many parts of this a bit bizarre tbh

Although the money is coming to you, it seems you have decided how it would be spent which I find odd when you are married. If that was me and my inheritance, I would have final say but would definitely discuss with DH.

Then however, you talk about his house and you paying half and food and halves on holidays etc. Why is everything so separate in your relationship?

Of course the money shouldn't be spent to give him just what he wants but surely any improvement on his house is your family home? You sound like you're the lodger.

It doesn't sound much of a partnership all round

Squidgems Tue 11-Oct-16 16:40:06

I think your husband has the attitude that what his is his and what's yours is also his!

If your husband thinks that you should both decide what to do with your money, tell him that you'll consider it when he first puts 'his' house in both your names.

If you have agreed that your marriage is based on separate finances (which is not a bad idea given the havoc that often comes with divorces) then do not give in to your husband's sulking.

Your ideas as to what to do with 'your' money are sound. It may have been a good idea to discuss it with your husband beforehand, but at the end of the day it's your decision that counts not his.

Good luck OP.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 11-Oct-16 16:42:03

You sound like a great business woman!
He sounds like a stroppy teenager.
Maybe best you keep separate finances.

sophias7 Tue 11-Oct-16 18:29:45

This sounds a bit like financial abuse. It's like he's saying: that's my house, only my house, however for you to live into this house I want to see that you also contribute to it.

It's almost like he doesn't want you to be financially independent...

FlabulousChic Tue 11-Oct-16 21:23:46

As you are married his house is half yours. You can keep your inheritance delegate if it's never in the family pot. Ergo it's yours to do as you please. He sounds like a bully. Divorce him and take half his house and get two houses!

user1476195026 Tue 11-Oct-16 22:05:43

Thanks guys, some of what you have all said has crossed my mind at some point or other since we found out the money is coming.

I asked him why the extension, he said it was to get away from us girls (we have two) and status! STATUS??? nobody cares what we live in, I don't care what we live in so long as we are warm, dry & happy. I appreciate everything we've got and the girls are happy too.

I am sticking by my guns with this one, I am going to, buy to let, then go for another, it's for the girls future and in the meantime, we get to live off the rent cheques. If he's not happy about that, it's tuff. Decision has been made!

ImperialBlether Tue 11-Oct-16 22:11:18

Sorry, but his house isn't hers! If they divorced it would depend partly on how long they'd been together before it was split.

BerylStreep Tue 11-Oct-16 22:19:53

It might be worth looking into buy to let a bit more before you decide to go down that route.

There is higher stamp duty on btl houses now (I think an extra 3%), and any mortgage payments are no longer able to be offset against rental income, so it's not quite the attractive proposition it once was.

Not saying it isn't worth doing, but just do your sums beforehand.

Your husband seems to have a very one-sided view of his finances. There was a thread on here the other day about inheritances, and how they don't become part of the family pot if you keep them separate. Might be worth looking in Legal for it. I can't remember the thread now.

JoJoSM2 Thu 13-Oct-16 21:49:19

I also find it a bit bizarre that you are so separate in your relationship. He's shouting at you not willing to take on board what is important to you and you are doing the same - completely disregarding his aspirations and needs. If you're so bothered about the house being in his name, then just ask to be put on it. Also doing businesses and investing large sums of money is sth that will have an impact on your entire family so I'm shocked you just made the decision.
having said that, your idea sounds very sensible. You could compromise by coming up with say a 5-year plan - that you'll invest in property but some of the profit will be saved for that extension he dreams about.

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 15-Oct-16 08:49:25

I'd just do it. Research it well obviously and speak to as many professionals as possible to help you.

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