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should I report benefit cheat friend?

(30 Posts)
user1473839272 Wed 14-Sep-16 09:04:25

Im in a dilemma. My hubby and i have been ttc for over a year. Im sure money anxiety had a massive role to play in making it difficult for us. We are drowning in debt right now but i cant let that stop us trying for a baby.
Anyway, i have growing resentment for my friend. She has 3 healthy boys, each of them has lovely clothes, toys and gadgets. They go on hol at least twice a year, and her and her partner go on nights out loads. At the same time they constantly complain about being skint but both have decent wages and are claiming tax credits saying that she lives as a single mum. They live together. It drives me crazy and im becoming a little obsessed. My hubby says i need to let go but i want to know whether people think i should report them for cheating the system? Is that immoral? Hubby says only the kids would suffer and that it should be on their heads to worry and not mine. But i cant help being so jealous. Especially when i cant even have my baby.
sorry i sound like a lunatic.

melibu84 Wed 14-Sep-16 09:09:04

Have they definitely told you they're claiming she's a single mum? :/

newmummyagain Wed 14-Sep-16 09:09:58

This is a really tough one. I completely agree that you should report someone that is cheating the system. But I have to admit if it was me I may not get involved. Is it a very permanent arrangement or is it one of those relationships where they break up and get back together frequently? If it's permanent I'd be more likely.

However my biggest concern reading this, is that whether or not you report this should be separate to your situation. Whatever someone else is enjoying or suffering does not change your situation.

I think it's important to try and deal with your feelings separately. But you do have my sympathy and hope that it works out for you soon. X

Madbengalmum Wed 14-Sep-16 09:10:58

If you are sure of the information, then yes you should report this.

ImYourMama Wed 14-Sep-16 09:12:10

Report her! Why should everyone else fund her lifestyle fraudulently!

melibu84 Wed 14-Sep-16 09:12:12

I agree with newmummyagain

Desmondo2016 Wed 14-Sep-16 09:13:58

Whilst I too agree that it is bloody annoying that they are cheating the system and seemingly living the life of riley, I think it's far more important that you concentrate your energies on sorting out your own problems rather than interfering with someone elses. If anything, have a discussion about it with your friend and make her see how risky it is and how they would be jeopardising all their financial security if they were to be found out. If she's a friend why on earth would you be going straight to the 'get them in the shit' option.

If you are drowning in debt now would it not be better to sort that out for a couple of years and delay TTCing? If you have a baby in a terrible financial set up, short of winning the lottery you are pretty much writing off any chance of ever getting financially sorted.

I think you have bigger fish to fry than your friend to be honest.

CheekyMcgee Wed 14-Sep-16 09:14:59

Excellent advice from newmummyagain.

Babyroobs Wed 14-Sep-16 09:15:11

If you are absolutely certain that they are claiming fraudulently then yes I would report them anonymously online . There is a form online which is very simple to fill out anonymously. Just google 'Reporting benefit fraud'. I had an ex work colleaugue who was doing this. She will get found out sooner or later and the longer it goes on the more trouble she ( assuming it is her who is claiming tax credits fraudulently) will be in. It is because of greedy people like this that other genuinely single parents get hounded and treated badly by HMRC and concentrix.

Assam Wed 14-Sep-16 09:15:49

How do people get away with this? I am a single parent, im the only adult in the house/and yet I have concentrix hounding me for documents to prove it sad

pinkyredrose Wed 14-Sep-16 09:19:02

Don't do it. You're projecting your own unhappiness and despair onto them. A massive percentage of people reported for fraud are not committing any.

Please direct your energies to addressing your own issues. See a debt management agency about get to your debts under control, see your GP about trying to conceive. Apologies if you've already done these things. Please don't waste your time and energy on fucking up someone else's life, she's your friend, Imagine how she'd feel if she knew you were thinking this.

Please concentrate on your own life, make positive steps to get where you want to be not negative steps to bring turmoil to someone's else's life.

GingerbreadCake Wed 14-Sep-16 09:19:26

I'm torn on this one. A good friend of mine scammed the NHS out of a load of sick pay claiming she had a problem when she didn't and it was really hard to stomach her smugness over doing something immoral.

I think report her. The country is struggling and poor people suffer because of those like your friend (and my friend) bleeding the system dry.

By the way I don't think you should confuse this with your situation TTC the two are unrelated.

ML2009 Wed 14-Sep-16 11:15:15

I'd say "this is a private matter" as David Caneron quoted! Look after your own finances and leave others to look after theirs .

Babyroobs Wed 14-Sep-16 11:27:34

How is benefit fraud a private matter when it's tax payers money that's being frudulently stolen?

ML2009 Wed 14-Sep-16 12:24:08

David Cameron stole tax payers money and quoted "it's a private matter" ? I'm only respecting what the ex PM said .

ML2009 Wed 14-Sep-16 12:24:30

Repeating not respecting ! 🙈

LemonSqueezy0 Wed 14-Sep-16 21:32:16

Report her, as it's the right thing to do... but then, focus on yourself and seek help/support for your own financial, emotional and fertility issues.

MephistoMarley Wed 14-Sep-16 21:47:28

You're not angry about the benefit fraud, you're angry about not having a baby flowers
I don't think reporting them would make you feel any better.

ML2009 Wed 14-Sep-16 22:08:06

MephistoMarley : 👍🏻

AlpacaLypse Wed 14-Sep-16 22:12:49

If you are absolutely certain she and her partner are committing fraud, then report. How you feel about your own life shouldn't have anything to do with the matter.

I hope you and your husband have good news soon.

Cabrinha Wed 14-Sep-16 23:55:27

Why won't you let a mountain of debt stop you from TTC? I'd say that's a good reason to hold off on TTC for now.
Speak to a debt charity and focus your energies on sorting out that situation.

As to your friend - report, don't report - it won't make you get pregnant any faster, and it won't sort out your debts.

Tryingtosaveup Thu 15-Sep-16 00:16:37

It's fraud. It's a crime. Report it.

Bloopbleep Thu 15-Sep-16 00:24:29

You need to be 100% sure of your facts. It sounds like you're jealous of what she has and want to punish her. Reporting her won't make you feel any better. If you're 100% sure she's claiming as a single person (and with so many concentric checks that's bloody hard to do) then you need to ask yourself why you're doing it. Is it your moral duty or to hurt her like you feel hurt. Guaranteed it will ruin your friendship, even if she never finds out it was you because how could you stay friends with someone you envy so much?

Badbadbunny Thu 15-Sep-16 12:34:54

Report it - it's fraud/theft.

imfinallyfree Sat 17-Sep-16 12:08:56

Report them, if they are screwing the system then they should be punished.
But also sort yourself out

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