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Is it possible to change ? I'm a compulsive, obsessive buyer and I want to stop.

(35 Posts)
Colourfulpast1975 Sun 05-Jun-16 21:17:42

I spend a lot on things, my biggest downfall is food, I'm always buying food even if the fridge is full...it's like money is burning my hand. I'm not well off, I can't help myself. I can't go out without buying anything. Anyone is similar and/or has managed to change ? Any plan to suggest ?

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 07:58:46

It sounds as if your life is a bit lacking in richness and colour.

Have you ever managed a day without buying? And what sort of shape are your finances in?

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 08:00:26

PS - what else do you feel you have to buy apart from food?

NoahVale Mon 06-Jun-16 08:02:13

try and get obsessed with something else, try putting the money you would have spent in a jar, for new shoes for example, or a day out

DoreenLethal Mon 06-Jun-16 08:04:18

lifehacker.com/how-to-program-your-mind-to-stop-buying-crap-you-don-t-1690268064

Pagwatch Mon 06-Jun-16 08:06:08

I had a period of buying my DD endless clothes she didn't need. She was four years old and had 40 dresses many of which were very expensive.

I went for a couple of counselling sessions, realised my problem had started when she reached the age I could first remember being abused. I had connected in my head buying her clothes with somehow protecting her, making her feel and looked loved and valued. It was a weird leap in my head but I could absoloutely see what I was doing.
My need to do it disappeared that day.

Can you pin point when it started or identify any need it meets?

lotusisaddictive Mon 06-Jun-16 08:06:48

I could have written this myself! I've found the only way to stop is to make sure my partner takes all the bank cards with him and then I can't just spend money.

I buy food to binge on and then hide it so I know I need to sort those issues first before the spending issues.

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 08:07:23

I rather like the idea of putting the money aside that you would otherwise have spent. Is there any way you could move to cash for your purchases?

BarbaraRoberts Mon 06-Jun-16 08:08:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 08:09:47

So you simply couldn't spend money, Barbara?

HuckfromScandal Mon 06-Jun-16 08:12:12

I agree Pag
My very best friend buys endless food. Her cupboards are full to bursting, she over buys by two or threefold.
I am convinced (having known her since we were 11) that this comes from living in a house where although there were absolutely no financial problems - food was strictly limited, and controlled. A very clear memory is her being left in the house at 17, whilst her folks went on holiday, and there not being a slice of bread or milk in the house - and no money to buy it sad.
(She moved to mine for the week).

You recognise it's a problem. Pinpoint why. Maybe a couple of counselling sessions - which although expensive now - could save you loads.

Hope you can sort it.

Rockelburger Mon 06-Jun-16 08:16:52

I don't have any advice but I'd sure like to know the answer. Now I've had my daughter (3 weeks old) I'm worse than ever, up for the night feeds then she goes back to sleep and I go on Amazon / eBay / wherever to spend! Parcels keep arriving and I genuinely can't remember what they are until I open them!

Piemernator Mon 06-Jun-16 08:18:36

I know someone who buys too much stuff especially food. She was just brought up eating crap food as she calls it so now buys expensive food in Waitrose which she can't really afford. I think compulsive spending as with any addiction needs counselling. If you cant afford it have a look online for information on addictive behaviours.

Colourfulpast1975 Mon 06-Jun-16 09:05:08

When I was growing up, my parents lived on a strict budget...I remember being at the till with my mum and she didn't have enough cash to pay the food shopping...we had to give stuff back..everyone could see us. I was affected by it..maybe a reason of why I spend so much. I cannot carry on like that...I feel empty when I don't spend. That's how I feel.

BarbaraofSeville Mon 06-Jun-16 10:19:09

I'm the same a bit. There's just so much nice stuff and I want to try it all. I can afford it, but don't like waste and get stressed trying to use things up before it goes out of date.

I didn't go without as a child but we didn't have free choice of everything and generally had to share and make do rather than have everything we wanted all the time.

We have 2 freezers that are full and quite a few tins etc. Just this weekend I've vowed to go through the freezers with the aim of reducing the volume by half. I want to keep reasonabl stocks but not enough for months on end. I batch cook but never use the frozen stuff and it needs to stop - why cook if you're not going to eat it?

I think I'm going to try and take one of the frozen soup/casserole things each day for my work lunch and then have something nice and bought once a week as a reward for sticking to the plan.

Colourfulpast1975 Mon 06-Jun-16 10:36:54

I'm self-employed and I work 55 hours a week, I earn a good salary so I can afford to be a bit frivolous but to a certain extent. Barbara, I'm the same regarding the freezer..it's full to the beam ! I always tell myself I need to use up then don't.

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 11:05:35

How do you tend to pay for things?

Colourfulpast1975 Mon 06-Jun-16 11:29:28

Card almost never cash

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 11:35:41

Might it be possible for you to switch to cash? (With lots of coins if you can.)

There's something about the 'physicality' of actual money that helps - and you could put any cash in a jar and watch it grow as savings if you decided not to spend it.

Nan0second Mon 06-Jun-16 11:48:31

Can you do a use up month?
So: not allowed to buy anything except bread and milk. Force yourself to eat those dinners, use those tins. You can do this. A month will allow your habits to change and then consider meal planning and shopping with a strict list. I find aldi helpful for this as there aren't many brands to choose from so I only buy what's on the list. Steer clear of the non food crap aisles though!
Life hacker article above is excellent

specialsubject Mon 06-Jun-16 17:49:40

Go out for a,walk with no money. Go to the library and fill your arms with lovely free books . delete all store and amazon accounts. Things like that .

BarbaraRoberts Mon 06-Jun-16 18:02:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Colourfulpast1975 Mon 06-Jun-16 18:15:16

Sorry for lack of answers, I'm writing down everything. I'm going to decide on a budget for the week, draw the cash needed then stick to it. Dh can take my card with him.

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 18:16:08

It sounds like a different angle on the same basic issue - your relationship with 'things' was out of kilter.

cozietoesie Mon 06-Jun-16 18:17:49

Relax, Colourful.

How do you feel about those decisions?

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