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Dilemma with 17 yr old daughter

(3 Posts)
Bethieboo25 Mon 14-Dec-15 00:37:03

Over the past year my daughter has been stretching the boundaries to say the least.
She constantly threatened to leave home, go to her dad's or friends or get her own place. So 5 weeks ago she wanted to go to a party (a 21st !) In a place that isn't too friendly and with ppl I don't know. I do try to give her a bit of leeway but in this instance it was a no go. So she blew up. This lead to other stuff being dragged up about how I am trying to control her etc. I have tried to explain to her that she will thank me one day for being concerned but she was won't listen. She is very stubborn and can sometimes be selfish (as are most at that age)
She is my only child,in had her when I was 17, and I don't want her making the same mistakes as me.
Her biological dad wasn't really that interested when she was young and when I was getting married 8 years ago he told her that he wouldn't see her anymore because I gave him too much hassle. He got married again and now has another 2 kids. We never heard another thing from him. And he has never paid child support either. That's a whole other story...
He did pay 50 pm for about 4 years then the csa reviewed our case and said he hadn't been paying enough as his earnings had increased and they then wanted 500 pm plus backdated money.... silly me for feeling sorry for him fone them and told them we were making a private agreement. Which we did for 200 pm. I didn't need any money from him as I have always worked and supported her on my own (until I got married anyway)... as soon as we had any disagreementn (usually because I was being messed about) he would stop coming for her and stop paying hos maintenance. 8 years ago he stopped all contact and never paid a penny more.
So back to present day, she contacted him a few months ago (which I did expect when she turned 16 anyway and always told her I would support her if she wanted to) but since then her whole attitude has changed towards me and her step dad (whom she has called dad for the past 6 years)
So a few weeks ago when we had the argument I tried to call her bluff and told her if she wanted to go then she should go. She fined her biological dad and he came to get her.
Since then I have had 4 hrs contact with her, which was very awkward, and a few txt here and there. My mum has tried to tell her that what she is doin is wrong but she is so stubborn and thinks she knows everything that she won't come home.
She has left college, unknown to me, but is still working
I am ab solute ly devastated by all of feel like all the hard work over the past 17 years has been for nothin. I am blaming myself, I must have done something wrong.
I just really do t know what to do. I am so angry at her biological dad and step mum for not even contacting me to let me know she is okay or anything.
At the very least they should give me my place. And she has kids so I can't believe that as a mother she hasn't even considered my feeling and what has brought us to this. She has told them that I kicked her out. (I did mail them both to set the record straight though )

I know no one will be able to give me the answers and I am trying to just sit it out and hopefully she will come home soon but with Christmas comin (which I am dreading) I don't know how to cope. It really is killing me...

Sorry to have ranted on but thank you for reading and I really would appreciate any comments or experiences

sugar21 Mon 14-Dec-15 00:41:20

I think you've posted in Money matters in error. Ask MN to move your thread to relationships

AndNowItsSeven Mon 14-Dec-15 15:19:31

Or teenagers would be a better board.

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