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How to help my nan?

(12 Posts)
MI6Agent Sun 01-Nov-15 09:00:35

I need some advice for my DNan (DN).

She is 88, has 3 DC. DC3 lives with her and doesn't work, effectively seen as her carer.

A new partner of DC3 has moved in to the house and is paying some financial support towards the household bills.

DN hasn't got a will nor has she made any arrangements in the event of illness or her death.

It concerns me that she's not planned ahead. As she owns her house, I'm assuming she would get little support from the state if she needed full time care or even to go in a home.

DC3 and their partner will be living in a house which potentially needs selling or the equity releasing. Neither will be able to buy it.

I've offered DN to take her to a solicitor and make a will. She's accepted this help (almost feels grateful as she hasn't been offered this by her own DC). She's insinuated she wants DC3 to stay in the house for 12 months after death, and that DC3 should also receive more than one-third of her estate because he's done more over the years for her.

What do I need to consider when visiting the solicitor? What can do in preparation?

I want to remain as impartial as I can be (albeit I'm struggling with this). I don't want cause waves in the family but I want my DN to be protected in her old age and currently the new living arrangements makes me feel unsettled.

I'm also concerned that she's told me about the potentially unequal arrangement, although at the time I said that it was her choice but she needs to consider what that will do to the family after she's gone.

Anyone been through similar and have any words of advice?

Ricardian Sun 01-Nov-15 09:08:36

Here's a list of the five most important things your grandmother needs:

Power of attorney.

Power of attorney.

Power of attorney.

Power of attorney.

Power of attorney.

MI6Agent Sun 01-Nov-15 09:24:50

Thanks Ricardian.

I will look in to this. Would you suggest I, as a granddaughter take this role?

I feel I'm trusted by all 3 DC (one of them being my DM). I'd need to talk to them I think.

curiousc88t Sun 01-Nov-15 11:57:19

Some companies make wills over the phone

They ask you questions

The will is sent in the post to sign

It costs

eg Co Operative legal services

The keep a copy, you keep a copy

This method may work for your Nan

specialsubject Sun 01-Nov-15 12:32:03

she IS going to die. If she wants her estate to be distributed according to her wishes, then she needs to make a will.

and yes, power of attorney is also a very good idea.

here is a way to find out what will happen if she does nothing:

specialsubject Sun 01-Nov-15 12:32:37

and a family chat would be an excellent idea. Death is inevitable, make plans.

Happyminimalist Sun 01-Nov-15 12:44:46

It's a bit odd that the child living with her will get the biggest portion though. That child has also lived rent/bill free for years. I think the 12 month grace period is a great idea

Happyminimalist Sun 01-Nov-15 12:48:44

Maybe it would be better to pay the carer child for her time, 30k or what ever considering the free accommodation and the length of time spent caring (beyond what siblings have provided). Then split the remaining three ways.

aginghippy Sun 01-Nov-15 13:22:17

Go for you Agent. What a caring and responsible thing to do for your nan.

Another issue to consider is who she wants to name as executor(s) of her estate. The executors are responsible for dealing with all the legal and financial paperwork related to the estate, gathering the assets, ensuring that all the debts, bills and taxes are paid and then distributing the remainder of the estate (if there is anything left) in accordance with the will. It should be someone who is good at admin and unruffled by bureaucracy.

I second the advice about power of attorney. You can ask the solicitor about doing that at he same time they do the will.

I also agree with the advice about letting family members know the contents of the will. The fewer surprises when people are recently bereaved, the better imo.

aginghippy Sun 01-Nov-15 13:22:57

Good for you Agent

MI6Agent Sun 01-Nov-15 14:15:23

Thank you everyone for commenting.

Happymin whole family are odd not just Dc3. It's a whole other story regarding DC3 and their 'caring' responsibilities. All 3 DC can't organise a piss up at a wake so I'm concerned that admin etc isn't being done now, that my Dn's wishes aren't being heard, and that she thinks it'll all just work itself out.

Links are good, thanks special

Thanks aging another thing to consider.

Ricardian Sun 01-Nov-15 18:24:54

I don't care about my will or my executors. Ultimately, it's not my problem what's going to happen when I'm dead. I'm not that bothered about my parents' wills either: I'm the executor, so I want the wills to be reasonably clear and unambiguous (and had they done something idiotic like drafting them themselves I'd have paid for them to see a solicitor) but in the end, it's their money to do what they want with (and you can always refuse to be an executor anyway).

But where I am very concerned for both myself and my parents it's in sorting out properly drawn powers of attorney. I've got several disasters in my family, and another brewing for a friend, where people either haven't drawn up powers of attorney or have screwed up doing it, and when they are alive, in need to help but unable to help themselves, it's all gone horribly wrong.

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