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finding it hard to cope

(5 Posts)
Feelsolost1966 Wed 21-Oct-15 22:58:55

Please us there anyone who can give me some suggestions what to do as im at my wits end.
Im living a horrible life right now. Ive got depression. Im not on medication anymore as I cant afford the prescriptions but Ive had severe depression on and off for 20 years so I know the signs. Everyday I wake up dreading what the day will bring. The only thing stopping me from ending it all is that if I did that my kids would end up having to live with their father and theyre petrified of him. I would never put them through that though rest assured.
Where to start. Well I was married to a man who beat me regularly. Sometines in front of the kids. I have 4 children aged 20, 18, 13 and 12. My oldest boy lives with his girlfriend but the other three are with me. All of them witnessed horrible things with my ex husband. But the depression I had made me feel not strong enough to stand up to him. In 2009 the police removed him from the property and thank God he never came back. It was his house but he let us stay there instead of paying me maintenance. However In 2013 I found out that he hadnt been paying the mortgage. I was only working part time but did everything possible to pay the mortgage, getting into debt and falling behind with bills in doing so. I was living in South Wales at the time but managed to get a full time job in Bristol. The arrears on the mortgage though were so big that the mortgage company decided to repossess. I tried everywhere to rent privately in the area we lived but because of my debts no one would give me the chance.
In the meantime in Bristol a good friend of mine was being made homeless due to bankruptcy and he had managed to find a private landlord for a biggish house that would take him on but the rent was too high for him alone. So he offered the chance for us to house share with him and split the bills. I had known him for years and trusted him so this is what we did. It hurt like crazy leaving our home and belongings and especially my elderly Mum who lived next door but it was either that or be put into a hostel so we moved here to Bristol in Nov 2013.
As soon as we moved away we started getting non stop threatening phone calls from my ex husband and my children then decided they no longer wanted anything to do with him. The ex then started stalking me and was turning up at my works. He then started court proceedings against me for access to the children. This took 11 months to be resolved as he kept delaying everything. It cost me thousands and thousands of pounds. I did overtime to pay for this. The courts decided that my ex husband was not safe to have any access to the children other than by letter.
As soon as the court case was over, I ended up getting very ill with depression and had a nervous breakdown in March of this year. I was put on Prozac and ended up being off work for 5 months. I was getting paid SSP but was living off my tax credits.
In May I had a letter from Inland Revenue to say that my tax credits would be reduced because of the extra overtime I had done last year as it gad taken me over the threshhold. Two weeks later I had a letter from a firm called Concentrix to say that it had been brought to their attention that I was part of a couple and shouldnt be getting any tax credits. I wrote back to say that although I shared a house with a male housemate he was purely just a friend and nothing more. They wouldnt listen and just stopped all my payments. I have no way of proving Im not in a relationship with my housemate as we did everything properly when we moved in and opened up a joint bank account for bills and everythings in joint name.
Because I then had no money coming in I was forced to go back to work when I still had clinical depression against my doctors orders. Two weeks after going back to work I was told that I had been put on redundancy risk pending consultation. I was not entitled to any redundancy pay as I had not been there for two years.
Two weeks after this my best friend dropped dead of a heart attack. I still cant come to terms with it. We were so close. I was then made redundant. I managed to find a job at Marie Stopes abortion centre but I hadnt really thought it through. As I still had severe depression and was still grieving for my friend I struggled to deal with taking phone calls from people who were upset on the phone and I ended up having to resign. As I resigned I am not entitled to claim jobseekers allowance and Im trying to feed the children on £48 a week child benefit. My daughter inherited £1500 on her 18th birthday and she gave me that to live off but thats now gone and Im left with the guilt that Ive had to borrow from my child. The monthly rent is due next week at £1000 and Ive literally got nothing to contribute to either that or bills and this has caused terrible friction between myself and my housemate. He now refuses to speak to me.
I have major debts of around £10000 and to top it all I have received a letter today from the Inland Revenue asking for £3700 as a tax credit overpayment as they maintain I am not single. I get £48 a week to live off. How can I pay this ? Im single but have no way whatsoever of proving my housemate is just a friend. Or was a friend as he no longer speaks to me.
Im trying desperately to look for other work. Im going without food to make sure the children can eat. I have nothing of any value that I can sell. My housemate refuses to speak to me and I feel so utterly alone now. I live in complete fear everyday of bailiffs turning up and I spend all day in my living room in the dark with the blinds shut so noone can see in.
The guilt I feel at putting my children through this is so hard to deal with. Im struggling to keep them fed but we just have next to nothing to live off. The depression is getting worse each day but I cant afford to pick up my prescription. I can no longer afford to go and visit my disabled Mum in Wales anymore and my phones been cut off so I dont get to speak to her or to a soul all day when the children are in school. I feel so completely and utterly alone.
I just feel unable to cope with much more to be honest.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Wed 21-Oct-15 23:06:45

I'm no expert but I'm sure that you're entitled to free prescriptions at the very least. Is your eldest working, can she contribute at all?

sandgrown Wed 21-Oct-15 23:13:17

Get a doctor's appointment ASAP and claim ESA as you do not seem fit for work at the moment. Make an appointment with CAB or welfare rights as soon as they can see you and explain the situation with your housemate. Are you too late to appeal the decision to stop your tax credits ? You may not qualify now but if you can prove the decision was wrong you may wipe out the overpayment. As you have no income can you now claim housing benefit? Try and explain to housemate what you are doing to get some money together. Have you another friend/family member to help you sort things out? Good luck you have done a great job looking after your family smile

minimalistaspirati0ns Wed 21-Oct-15 23:17:45

Citizens advice?

KatharineClifton Fri 23-Oct-15 06:32:25

Go and see your MP asap. They are well versed in these awful Concentrix investigations.

Also find food banks in your area and see what you need for a referral.

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