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Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

(991 Posts)
Ta1kinPeace Thu 10-Sep-15 18:04:13

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how

and lots of people use this

The important things to remember are
- yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
- this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )
- this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Badders123 Thu 10-Sep-15 18:31:35


lucysmam Thu 10-Sep-15 18:41:04

Hello smile

I'm just about to do bath time with the girls (aka they hijack my bath grin) but will be back later on.

Ta1kinPeace Thu 10-Sep-15 18:46:40

PS : for those who have noticed, my name will be altering every month, but not in such a way to hide who I am from anything other than search terms smile

Badders123 Thu 10-Sep-15 18:46:57

It's great here Lucy and I'm not just saying that coz I'm here smile
It's really helped me identify what I was doing wrong (I'm a fritterer) and tips to put it right.
We have totally re jigged our finances and we are in a much better place now than a year ago.
I got a pt job (very pt but it's a start)

midnightmoomoo Thu 10-Sep-15 19:06:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinkyDorito Thu 10-Sep-15 19:49:49

Hello all smile.

diggerdigsdogs Thu 10-Sep-15 22:55:47

Thank you so much for starting this again.

We have credit card debt on 3 cards, 2 mortgages (one house being sold in March when the tenants lease expires - it was the house we lived in until DH was made redundant last nov- and one house we had planned to move to when we returned to West Aus but it's too far away from DH work here.

I am also on the frugaleers thread but actually I need most help with the mind set of getting into debt. I'm using money to feel better and shopping as a boredom cure.

DH is self employed and one of the businesses he owns/is employed by may go under in the next few months due to a client not paying his bill (very large) and then, sadly, committing suicide. If that happens we will be ok but will have to move and it's very stressful because of the debt we're in. I would be less worried with a cushion of money.

I have ynab and need to dig it out again as I haven't used it in a while.

lucysmam Fri 11-Sep-15 09:38:56

I may have fibbed about being back last night grin.

I'm struggling with our gas & electric bills. Scottish Power didn't bill us the first 6 months we lived here, despite chasing them & putting aside what we would have used on the pre-pays in our old (quite a bit bigger hmm ) house it wasn't enough. Then they billed in the wrong name so couldn't/wouldn't take payment from my card.

& now bloody "computer says" we have to pay £45 a WEEK on the electric alone & we can't bloody do it!

They refuse to split the debt from current useage so we can break it into chunks we can manage & insist we must pay the £45 a week.

Gas they want £25 for which we could just about scrape if they didn't want so much for electric.

Everything else is up to date; apart from £17 Council tax but that will be clear in 2 weeks. I had some help a while back getting some debts written off/payments reduced from a lovely man but the organisation he worked for lost funding sad

Badders, I'm a fritterer too! I've built a tenner into our budget for randomness & usually buy us all something out of that. Not always something useful - mine tends to be skincare but I'm concentrating on working through the stash I've accumulated at the moment so buy fancy looking stationery in Wilko instead.

lucysmam Fri 11-Sep-15 09:41:28

Meant to say, we have no cc's at all. We do have Brighthouse though as we were desperate for a washer but that's paid soon. Need to replace our hoover though and return my dad's so might see if there's one for a few quid a week otherwise it's just something else to save & never get round to buying.

bearleftmonkeyright Fri 11-Sep-15 09:45:58

Hi, I am glad I have seen this as am looking for advice. I have been in touch with Stepchange and they have been through absolutely everything with me to work out where we are. We are short and they have said advised entering into a debt management program to sort out our creditors (Credit cards and overdrafts) Has anyone ever done this? We have mortgage arrears (around a £1000) which I have arranged to pay off with the mortgage company. Sorry to hijack. Would appreciate advice. I think it is probably the right thing to do but my DP is not sure. We probably have about £12k in unsecured debt (please don't judge me)

Badders123 Fri 11-Sep-15 10:19:06

No one will judge you here bear!
Well done for contacting someone about your debt. One thing I would say (not much experience of this but I'm sure TIP will be along soon) is that you shouldn't enter into a debt payment plan with a company that charges for this Service.
Have you checked you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to?
Are you eligible to get any bank charges paid back? (I got £250 back once)

Badders123 Fri 11-Sep-15 10:20:02

Lucy...have you tried freecycle/gumtree/ebay for a Hoover?

lucysmam Fri 11-Sep-15 10:39:54

My local freecycle don't want me <sob>, no idea why. I need to be able to pick up on foot but yes, I check ebay/gumtree for ones within walking (back with a hoover) distance.

Fil is keeping an eye out for any being chucked in skips too - that's where they got theirs.

Grumpyoldblonde Fri 11-Sep-15 12:59:07

Hello, may I sneak in please? We cleared 30k of debt last year after which built up after some terrible business decisions and for a while we were very comfortable, 2 x redundancies later, here we are owing 15k again.
Most on interest free credit at the moment. We are owed a fair bit of money but when it will arrive who knows? Husband has now got a well paid job and I have bits & pieces of work but how we will catch up I don't know.
Not sure if I can pay the mortgage and bills at month end. My cupboards and freezer are groaning though. I see Christmas is sneaking up plus lots of birthdays and feel utterly hopeless. I am the queen of coupons, batch cooking and making the pounds in my purse stretch but simply cannot make 1k cover 2k of bills.
People think we are well off, nice house and so on, but my clothes are getting really scruffy, no haircut for a year so I look like the wild woman of Borneo and my make up is from Poundland (fine actually).
It will get better won't it?

ohmyeyebettymartin Fri 11-Sep-15 13:08:25

Yes grumpy it will get better!
We don't really have any debts
(well yes we're very overdrawn right now but it will all be covered by payments clients owe us) but I'm fed up with the overdrawn/wait for payment cycle and really want to get ahead. That's not what this thread is for but wanted to pop in and see if I can pick up any pointers smile

Lucysmam have you maybe tried FB giveaway groups? There are some in my area and we share all kinds of things with each other when we've finished with them, from toys to clothes to the odd Hoover or microwave.

Ta1kinPeace Fri 11-Sep-15 13:12:21

Promise me that you will never EVER darken the door of Brighthouse again.
You are paying more for cheap stuff than I pay at John Lewis for premium brands. They are an utter, utter con.

Start with Cash Converters : their stuff comes with 30 day warranty and is usually very cheap.
Look on Ebay : cash on collection items.
Look in the supermarket at the little cards on the wall.

You should be able to pick up something decent for a fraction of what those bastard installment companies charge.

rant over smile

Ta1kinPeace Fri 11-Sep-15 13:15:28

Hi there bearleft
Unless the debt plan is costing nothing : ie arranged by the CAB or stepchange, walk away.
All unsecured debt : use the standing order trick to get the balances gone.
Mortgage debt you have a handle on.
Now start to record what you spend : every last penny - as knowing that you will have to read the list together in the evening will stop you frittering wink
AS I say in the OP, its really easy to get into debt and lots of people get judgey about it
which is pointless as its too late by then.
Now is the time to make the right changes and get clear of it.

Ta1kinPeace Fri 11-Sep-15 13:17:34

PS, for those who have followed all of the other threads,
you have permission to snigger at me.
I've cocked up my cashflow and am borrowing from my children this week grin
Next week will be fine but this week has reminded me why I feel so strongly about helping people out of debt.

lucysmam Fri 11-Sep-15 13:35:29

Grumpy, Poundworld's waterproof mascara is really good! I got one a while ago expecting utter rubbish tbh but it stays put & doesn't come off easily even with remover!

Ta1k, I'm not sure there are any cards on walls around here - I'll have to pay more attention when I go for milk later on!

Grumpyoldblonde Fri 11-Sep-15 13:59:37

Lucysmam I have a stock of Miss Sporty mascara I picked up in 99p store, I really like it.
They also have Nice & Easy root touch up at the moment. I love the discount stores!

I am busy sitting here doing endless surveys for nectar points and nearly have enough to get the winter boots my daughter wants for free. (got to keep up appearances even if I don't pay for them!)

bearleftmonkeyright Fri 11-Sep-15 15:02:57

I have contacted the bank about my overdraft and got £48 of charges refunded. They were ringing me because they knew I was having financial difficulties. I am so relieved. I told them I have contacted Stepchange and they have put my account on 30 days communication hold. Now to deal with the credit card companies.

bearleftmonkeyright Fri 11-Sep-15 15:04:49

I have also got hold of mortgage company and made an arrangement with them. Feeling a bit empowered now. Just got to find a job, mine finished at the end of last term.

Badders123 Fri 11-Sep-15 15:18:24

TIP...I dream of the day I can borrow from my DC! smile

Ta1kinPeace Fri 11-Sep-15 15:45:59

Its only £20 from each - their last month pocket money smile

Well done you. Keep going while you are on a roll as the more such conversations you have in one day the more convincing you sound at being assertive with them smile

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