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Can't believe he's done this, or am I being silly like he says?

(15 Posts)
cleoteacher Sat 25-Jul-15 20:28:23

Basically put a post on before asking how we should spend £3,000 and made a list of things we need/want.

One was a car. Well turn of events dh has gone and brought a car on finance over three years without properly getting my agreement. He went to return the car the garage let us test drive and came back having signed a contract! I am shocked and feel really upset that not only has he done this as we can't afford it right now but also that he's done it behind my back.

I admit I was getting excited about it and we were going through the finances and it looked like we could afford it and I said it was tempting. Unfortunately my dm turned up just as we were talking about it and dh had to rush off to take the car back. My last words to him were see what they say to x deal. I didn't think we would actually buy it today! Would you take this as the green light to get it if you were dh?

Previously I had said we won't be getting it today, play hard to get, I want to do all the finances first, let's see what the situation is in feb and when he first went in the morning not to sign anything or come back with a car. Surely this is not saying it's ok to buy the car even though it wasn't said in the final conversation before dm arrived when we were doing our finances?

I can understand from his point of view the finances looked like we could afford it but he was taking my wage into account but I am on maternity leave until feb so my wage is irrelevant until then. So we simply can't afford it in reality based on the finances we did before he rushed off to return the car. Plus, he's set the payments for the car to start in sept when we still have the last two payments of the credit cards to pay off!

I was in shock and feel really stressed about this. We will be -£500 per month once paid for the car because I won't have any income from oct not including the £370 we have to find for the credit card for aug/sept/oct.

Dh wants to use £1,500 we will have left from the £3,000 to buffer this so we can have the car but this means no boiler which we really need. Come feb we will have £300 spare after everything. He thinks this is fine and we should get the car. But were planning on getting house things done, new carpets, garden etc. we would not have the money to do this now and it would take us ages to save for any of it.

I don't want to prioritise a car over these things. He does.

Also, my parents have offered to lend us the money and we could pay it back over 5 years at a lower cost and we would own the car. Whereas the deal he's signed is more than that, over 3 years but we wouldn't own the car.

Dh is too proud to borrow the money and wants to keep the car. We ve had the biggest argument over this and I don't know what to do. I ve asked him to cancel the contract he's sighed which means we loose. £500. Wwyd?
However, he wants to

Sleepyfergus Sat 25-Jul-15 20:32:24

Oh dear, sounds like he perhaps misinterpreted your comment and that coupled with prob a very persuasive salesman, he prob thought he was doing the right thing.

Is there any 'cooling off' period? I would t think you should lose anything, not sure that's legal (but I'm no lawyer!)

cleoteacher Sat 25-Jul-15 20:33:21

Ps he argues that he should be able to spend his money on something he wants as he earns five times more than me and all his money goes on house stuff.

cuntycowfacemonkey Sat 25-Jul-15 20:38:32

Sounds like a massive miscommunication on both parts to me. Can I ask (and not in a snotty way at all) why you were test driving cars unless you had thought through all the finances and decided you were likely to go ahead? I know everyone does things differently but when we went to buy our car we knew we wanted one and we knew how much we were prepared to spend - we were definately in the market for a new car so it surprises me you would test drive without being certain you were going to buy one?

I know that car salesmen are pretty hard sell so taking a test drive and handing back saying "I'll be in touch" and hoping to get away without a lot of persuasive patter would have been HARD!

HermioneWeasley Sat 25-Jul-15 20:38:49

He sounds like a charmer - he earns more so he should decide how to spend it even if it's completely irresponsible? I can't get my head round that attitude and it would probably be a deal breaker for me (and I'm the main earner in our family and yes I regard it all as family money)

cuntycowfacemonkey Sat 25-Jul-15 20:42:52

DH is the main earner and he would never "pull rank" like that, the only exception being when he buys new vehicles for his business but I trust his judgement and vans are dull so am happy not to be consulted grin

threenotfour Sat 25-Jul-15 20:51:50

Are you sure that there is not a cooling off period of a few days. Be careful to read the small print and work out when it is until as they are quite short usually.
YANBU. A big decision like that should involve you both fully and although you have is communicated he should be listening to you when you explain it is out of your financial reach until Feb.

specialsubject Sat 25-Jul-15 21:15:58

buying cars on finance is pissing money away at the best of times - and in your situation it is insane.

you need a cheap few hundred quid car (they exist, and work), and to fix that boiler.

cancel the contract. You can't afford the car. End of.

your husband needs to learn to do sums.

TalkinPeace Sun 26-Jul-15 13:17:17

normally a 14 day cooling off

hand it back

Bearbehind Sun 26-Jul-15 19:05:02

It's very unlikely you'd lose the £500 deposit if you cancelled an order if it was with a main dealer- they will usually refund a deposit (albeit begrudgingly) - if it was Arthur Daily motors then you might struggle.

The bigger issue seems to be that your DH doesn't want to cancel anyway.

If I remeber rightly, the £3k you're talking about isn't even guaratneed (I recall you might have to pay it back if a new partnership doesn't work out) so using it and adding to your debt by taking out finance is bonkers.

cleoteacher Sun 26-Jul-15 22:17:14

There is a 14 day get out clause. I think we would loose the £500 deposit but guess dh could try and persuade them so we don't loose it. They have the money now though so don't feel like we d have a leg to stand on.

I know, I hate dhs attitude to money and it causes many arguments. He pulls rank all the time and refers to it as his money all the time. Often he makes me feel like I don't any value to the marriage as he seems to think the only value to marriage is a financial one. His argument is that he earns the money but only gets a small amount of money to spend on himself as he wants to. As the rest goes on bills/ mortgage and other expenses from the joint account. I understand his point with this and this is why I went along with the car thing as I felt he should be able to get something he wants as he does work hard and earn give times more than me. When I married him he wasn't like this and we both used to fritter money away on rubbish. Now I ve changed and don't want to anymore whereas he still does and is over extravagant. It is one fundamental problem in our marriage but I can't make it a deal breaker. I am just not sure what to do about it as we just have such different views on it.

There's no way he would spend a few hundred on a cheap car. He loves his cars and feels with what he earns should be able to use the money to get a nice car. We need a bigger car as mine is too small now we have 2 dcs and his is 10 years old and is beginning to cost us a lot in repairs. It also isn't very practical with fuel/new parts /insurance or tax. It was a flash buy before we had dcs which is costing us now.

We were intending on getting a new car and were seriously thinking of getting this car but no, we hadn t been through our finances in great detail beforehand. I said dh could go and check the cars out to see if he liked them, prices and what kind of deals they offer. He then tells me he's booked a test drive. I said we needed to go through our finances in detail, find out about tax, insurance etc. as far as I was concerned he was going to check out if he liked the car of not, sit in one and have a chat about prices and finance deals. Then we would go through all finances in detail.

He brings the car home and goes through the finances in detail. It looks like we can afford it but before we can discuss it properly my dm turns up and he goes off to drop the car back. Next thing I know he's signed a contract.

Quasicrystals1456 Tue 28-Jul-15 13:35:20

I commented on your previous post about paying off debts first.

I agree with special subject. You can't afford the car.

I say this as someone who married someone with a very flash BMW on finance. I soon wore him down talked him round into seeing cars on finance as a massive mistake.

It didn't come easily but we now own 2 middle range nothinky cars.

They do the job.

There's a saying about spending money on things you don't need with money you don't have to impress people you don't like... Madness.

cleoteacher Thu 30-Jul-15 18:19:41

I agree. Whatever I say doesn't seem to have an impact though. Dh says he earns good money and it's the only thing he gets to spend it on and he likes axes why shouldn't he have a reward for his hard work?

We do need a car though and a bigger one for dc2 and neither of us are keen on people carriers. Dh won't go along with the idea of getting a older one as he doesn't like the old shape. Spoke to manager at dealership who worked out getting second hand one would cost more in long run.

My dm and dd have offered to lend us the money but we will we paying them off for 6.5 years! Atleast we will own the car at the end. I feel once you get into the cycle of finance for a car you never come off it again as you never have the money to buy the car at the end so it's an endless circle, which I didn't want to get into.

I ve always said I didn't want money going towards a car when it could be spent on other things.

I know lots of you say pay off debt but it will be paid off by oct anyway. So only two more payments on one card and three to fil. Then done.

We are using other part of £3,000 left over from agreed deposit for car to buy boiler.

Was I right to get so angry with dh though when he sighed the contract behind my back based on money I wasn't earning and won't be until jan

TalkinPeace Thu 30-Jul-15 20:19:47

yes you were
as he acted on impulse rather than considered thought
that habit has to be broken

Noeuf Thu 30-Jul-15 20:27:33

Yes you were, it should totally be a joint decision regardless of income levels.
Although I do sympathise with the dh earning more and feeling entitled problem as I have one. We are still skint (but much better off longer term grin TiP) and dh has 500 spending money each month while I have exactly that for food and fuel for the rest of us.

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