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Reviewing private arrangement for child maintenance

(7 Posts)
Screenclean Thu 04-Dec-14 11:32:01

I've been divorced for 3 years. XH is not a great earner and lives with his new partner with children (not his).

He does regular Afterschool care for our child which saves me money.

Looking at the csa calculator I have to guess his earnings. I know what they were when we were together and I can't imagine they'd have changed much.

We're pretty amicable although he has been very sour about the fact I've moved on and he perceives I have somehat of a luxurious life (not true).

I'm not sure whether to rock the boat or not. How long does an arrangement stay in place before it needs updating? Shall I start saying now that at the end of the tax year I'd like to see his p60 or something? Or do I wait until he has a new job?

We don't fight, and he is a really good dad so I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face. TIA

annielostit Thu 04-Dec-14 11:58:01

My exh has paid the same for 12 years, hardly has time for ds and if he has bought something its not allowed in our house because I didn't pay for it.
If you get on see if you can discuss it. My dh always says he should pay more but I think if we all have a decent life why rock the boat.
The ex always thinks you've got a magical life, its just that you look like your getting on better without them. IMO.

Llareggub Thu 04-Dec-14 12:01:52

There is a document on the website that has replaced the CSa. It has a guide where you can write in how much child related things cost. I did this and estimated the cost of clothes, food, activities, housing etc and roughly halved it. Happily it was pretty much what my ex gives me but obviously as time goes on these things will get more expensive - it suggests ways to approach the discussion with your ex about it.

I found it helpful to break it down so he could see that it wasn't funding my lifestyle - mine isn't luxurious by any means but I think he perceives it to be too.

Screenclean Thu 04-Dec-14 13:02:30

Thank you

Annie - your DH sounds like mine on wanting to just all get on without drama. To give XH credit, I can't bleed a stone, and his new partner is great. It might seem unnecessary to go requesting a review. I guess for you after 12 years the moment has passed and you're stuck with it?

That's a pitfall of diy divorce for me. I must go and look at the papers to see what we agreed about the maintenance money actually.

Llareggub - thank you I haven't seen that document. Do you change the amount as needs change? Eg when children stop needing nursery care or become teens?

I Wonder whether one party is always going to feel a bit hard done by? There are no winners here.

Screenclean Thu 04-Dec-14 13:17:18

I've looked at the divorce document and what we agreed. He's definitely paying less (we agreed % of net salary) "to be reviewed as his employment status changes"

But the after school care (not formally written anywhere) is "worth" an extra amount each week.

If we start working to rule, and he pays me more, he's entitled to withdraw that support. I'd actually be slightly worse off I think.

I think I just better accept the arrangement for what it is. and be pleased I don't have to grow old with him

Talkmeoutofthis222 Fri 04-Dec-15 20:30:56

Well this is strange. I'm the op and it's exactly a year ago I posted this.

We've drifted along ok and now it's all gone to shit. He's dropping the childcare bits now with less than a months notice. I've sorted out childcare but he's still being really weird about contact time. He's gone a bit mad saying I'm ungrateful. Selfish etc. It's to do with pick up/ collection stuff. Basically I've been pretty naive and helped with collections but now he's moved further away I don't want to do it any more.

I've booked mediation to try and formalise things. Has anyone done this?

Talkmeoutofthis222 Sat 05-Dec-15 18:09:40

Anyone?

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