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Help! Problem debts and I didn't tell DH

(22 Posts)
sportinguista Mon 17-Nov-14 07:32:38

Hi, I have overdraft debts and 2x credit card debts. I was working on reducing them but was off sick due to stress, this week the full paid sick has now reverted to ssp, I didn't know this as was working from outdated info so now I'm on less money and I can't pay as much into joint account etc so things are going to get very difficult.

I hadn't told DH about the debts as I thought I could deal with and he has always been less than interested when I've tried to tell him about money issues. Also historically he has had a fairly sizeable weed habit and I have had to shoulder many of the household expenses. Also I got into habit of sometimes overspending.

The debts are as follows:

CC1 - 970
CC2 - 1000
OD1 - 1500
OD2 - 500

I know these may not seem sizeable to many but we have a cut in income which is difficult to deal with. I've now told DH about most of the debt but am dreading telling him about the true extent. He is not in debt on his overdraft on his personal account as he has cut weed habit and he got out of debt by cutting his spending but this was mainly because I should most household expenses from joint account and my own personal account.

So I've contacted step change, I'm going to an advice centre as we should now be able to get tax credits. We are due some money back on the green deal and do have some savings. At work I am being counselled to go for a settlement agreement which will hopefully end my employment and I can then do some temp work until I secure something permanently and this may provide some financial settlement as well. FIL tends to send us 500 - 1000 at Xmas so that may well help.

I just feel awful that I didn't tell DH but I seem to have a lot of fear and anxiety issues around money and don't react well to financial fears tending to do head in sand. I can be highly organised with money when I put my mind to it but this has totally thrown us. I am working on reducing our outgoings and producing a budget but would be grateful for any tips for turning this around. We already do main shop at Aldi and have cut many luxuries. We have quite a bit of food in cupboard so should be able to survive just under 2 weeks till DH gets paid on that and just picking up fresh bits. None of us needs any clothes or anything and there are no outstanding subs for anything school wise. All other payments are upto date and I am communicating with the bank at all times over this. We do have around 1000 savings in other account. I could always thinks about cashing in my premium bonds as I've never won and had them over 20 years...

So any ideas appreciated from all you savvy ladies out there!

Snapespotions Mon 17-Nov-14 07:40:20

How much have you got in premium bonds? I'd be tempted to use the savings tbh, I assume they're earning more interest than you're paying on your debts. I wouldn't bank on a settlement from work - it may not happen.

Sorry you're in this situation.

Snapespotions Mon 17-Nov-14 07:41:32

Also, how much of the debt does your DP already know about, and how much have you still got to own up to? How do you think he will react when he hears?

Snapespotions Mon 17-Nov-14 07:42:25

Aagh, meant that the savings are presumably earning less interest, not more!!

specialsubject Mon 17-Nov-14 11:19:36

cash in the premium bonds and pay off as much of the debt as possible.

sounds like you've both made big past mistakes - as he puffed it all up his nose he's in no position to sneer at you. So own up, team up and move on.

good luck.

sportinguista Mon 17-Nov-14 12:58:56

So I've been at the bank pretty much all morning. I've cancelled a lot of direct debits for things that can be. Reclaimed £116 from a bus pass which was taken out in error when I cancelled it but the person didn't do it properly. So it could be worse. Going to ring tax credits now and get the ball rolling with them. Can they do an interim assessment based on the drop in earnings rather than the earnings from my last P60?

I don't know how much the premium bonds are for, it doesn't say on the paper thing I have but I can always ring them. Have just spoken to the government debt service and there are things they can do too.

Specialsubject - agree that we've both been at fault however we need to move forward have now got banking app on my phone so I can keep tabs all the time and am going to advise him to get it too.

At least we are tackling this and we do have cash which we can access and we don't have anything we really need. I am going to resurrect some of the things my mum did when we were kids and we didn't have much money for christmas as we still have lots of craft stuff. It probably will end up being more fun because at least I'll not be stressed to the max from work as in previous years! smile

sportinguista Mon 17-Nov-14 13:02:28

My DH knows about the overdafts but not the credit card yet so yes it will be a shock but I guess we'll manage.

Other positive points we are about £300 in credit with electric/gas people and we've got a new boiler being fitted so that should bring the bills down too!

sportinguista Mon 17-Nov-14 13:03:48

Yes the savings are not much interest at the moment so I guess they will have to be sacrificed.

So all in all some clouds but with chinks in them I guess.

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin Mon 17-Nov-14 13:11:12

On a practical basis, I find it better to concentrate on one debt at a time, so I wouldn't increase any debts but rather than pay a small amount off each debt but not really make any dents, I'd pay the minimum on 3 and then throw everything else at one until it's cleared. Then pay the minimum on 2 and throw money at the third and so on.

If he's never been arsed about finances he can't really start now that things have gone a bit pear shaped.

But to your original post, I'd cash in the premium bonds and savings - they're a luxury if you're struggling day to say.

sportinguista Mon 17-Nov-14 13:46:24

Thanks for your help, I know my debts aren't massive, the debt advice people made me realise that and I know ultimately mine is just a temporary situation so plenty of people have it worse and we are not going to starve.

I'll look out those premium bonds it might not be much but given that I've had them so long without winning anything it's going to make no odds now!

sportinguista Mon 17-Nov-14 15:14:53

Well it's has been bad telling him, he says I just lie to him and that has been true sad. He says going forward he will just control all the money if this is the way it has to be. I think he might be right sad. I just hope it doesn't split us as it will devastate DS.

TalkinPeace Mon 17-Nov-14 20:13:03

First off, convert the direct debits on each card into standing orders so that they start to shrink on their own
(and cut up the cards)

Log into the premium bonds website and find out about selling them

DO NOT borrow any more money : come join the big debt thread - you are NOT alone

sportinguista Tue 18-Nov-14 09:37:42

Thanks for that TalkinPeace I think I need the support of the big debt thread to go get me through this. He's calmed down and we're working through ways to sort it so at least we can give ourselves the time to recover financially. At least one thing we've agreed though is to work together more in the future regarding money. At least once I start working again I can maybe start building again and maybe be debt free by this time next year.

TalkinPeace Tue 18-Nov-14 10:52:19

Well done - and good to see you on the big thread

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 18-Nov-14 13:32:02

Do not handover control of your finances to a man, I used to be terrible with money but I changed & now dh and I do the household money together with us each having out own bank account to.

I'd cash in the premium bonds though.

maras2 Tue 18-Nov-14 13:33:44

I wouldn't let someone with a serious drug habit manage my money.Apart from that you seem to be doing quite well.Best of luck.

sportinguista Tue 18-Nov-14 15:03:17

Fortunately the drug habit is gone now! I don't want him to control things and neither does he. I do however want him to actually participate rather than leaving it all to me!

I think I will look for those premium bonds although knowing my luck it'll turn out to be a tenner! grin

LardyDa Fri 21-Nov-14 13:31:06

Neither of you need to control the money - you should be doing it together. The secret to managing money is information. You both need to know what money is going out and what money is coming in.

If you are prone to stress and anxiety I bet it will help you enormously if you are more open and organized about your finances.

Good luck. It sounds as though you will get there.

sportinguista Fri 21-Nov-14 14:04:35

Yes, I'm feeling better now that both of us are looking at the accounts and we both know exactly what is going in and out. I'm now looking at rate switching the mortgage which will give us a bit more money in the pocket too and we've now got rid of 3 of the debts so we're now slightly more ahead of the game.

I'm going to head over to the frugal thread though for some tips on meal planning and reducing the spend on food etc!

TalkinPeace Fri 21-Nov-14 14:06:51


sportinguista Sat 22-Nov-14 07:38:32

I now feel like I'm going the other way I feel the insane urge to check the balance several times a day, still better overkill on this than what I was doing!

Haven't managed to find the premium bonds yet but will do on Monday who knows they might actually be for a reasonable amount. If I've not won anything in the 30 odd years I've had them, are they even likely to ever do so?

TiP grin

TalkinPeace Sat 22-Nov-14 16:32:32

Premium bonds : the return rate is currently just under 1%
so probably best to cash in and throw at debt
unless its not much money in them in which cash hang on in there
but the odds are now very low

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