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Don't want to pay my boyfriend 'rent' in his house?

(175 Posts)
litterbugkid Thu 16-Oct-14 16:18:01


My boyfriend is looking to move from his flat as it is being sold towards the end of this year and has the money to purchase his own place. Because of this reason we are planning to live together in this new house.

I currently live at home which is commuting distance to Central London so if I were to move in with my boyfriend the only reason would be to live with him. I am currently paying £200 a month to my parents to cover some bills and food.

My issue is, my boyfriend is expecting me to pay about £300 rent with bills being extra. This for me is not a viable option because I believe paying rent when I don't need to is a waste of money and I can just continue living at home and saving up for when we buy a house later. He also said that if we end up getting married later on, this £300 a month will go towards my share of the house, if we break up I'd lose it. I don't really like this gamble.

I also gave the option of me buying the house with him under a sort of custom contract where I'd put in as much deposit as I can, and he pay the rest (he can afford to anyway since he was planning on sole ownership), with some clause where I'd continue to pay him monthly so that eventually we end up with equal ownership of the property by the time payments are complete. This way we both end up with property and I feel like we are starting a life together in our own place. My boyfriend feels that he'd rather us trial living together before this 'joint mortgage', and buy a house together if/when we get married. He also said that if we broke up he cant be sure that I won't sell my share to him, and I said I'd be willing to put down in a contract that if we broke up I will sell it back to him at market value. He would have the money to buy me out straightaway if this happened. I feel my option benefits us both whereas the rent idea only benefits him.

I have tried to be okay with the option paying rent but I just can't see how I'll ever be happy with it, and every month I'll just be quietly seething and angry when I hand over the money. And I also don't like the thought of my boyfriend being my LL as well.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? What's the solution here?

lumpyparcel Thu 16-Oct-14 16:22:53

Can you not rent somewhere together for 6 months before buying a house?

litterbugkid Thu 16-Oct-14 16:25:07

I don't want to rent full stop. It is a waste of money for me, and him if he can buy a place.

brunette123 Thu 16-Oct-14 16:26:59

It seems to be all on his terms - why should you be worse off in order to have a trial with him? He does not want to buy with you but wants you to move him for a trial and also to help him pay his mortgage and bills - I wouldn't personally - I would only do it if I REALLY wanted to live with him and he let me pay the same as to parents. Your offer is quite reasonable in my opinion.

RandomMess Thu 16-Oct-14 16:27:28

Don't do it!! Stay at your parents, save up.

If he can afford to buy on his own then what is the issue with being a part owner, it doesn't even have to be 50:50!!!! You split the ownership in the percentage of depost and mortgage payments then you both get a foot on the housing market. Clearly if he owned the bigger share he'd have the final say on improvements and be the obvious one to buy you out...

AnnoyingOrange Thu 16-Oct-14 16:33:44

If you want to live together on a trial basis for 6-12 months I think you should just pay bills and see how it goes. If and when you decide that you are committed to a long term relationship, then you should review the situation and consider a joint account/ a joint mortgage etc at this point

AMumInScotland Thu 16-Oct-14 16:34:33

If he can afford to buy this house without your contribution to the rent, then why can't you live there rent-free while you both 'try out' living together? Then you could at least be putting money into a savings account.

If you then bought together, your savings would go towards the deposit.

If you split up, you have no ownership in his house, but you have your savings. He has no legal or financial complications from you having any rights to the house, so he hasn't 'lost out' on the arrangement, he'd bein the same position as if you hadn't tried moving in together.

He seems to want it all his way here - you pay towards his mortgage and bills, for zero stake in the property. If you wanted to move into a room in someone else's house and pay rent, then I suppose that might be fair, but you don't. You are fine as you are.

sanfairyanne Thu 16-Oct-14 16:37:33

you dont sound all that committed, either of you

this is fine

but prob not a good idea to buy a house together
i can understand his reservations

otoh, why would you want to pay more if your current set up suits you and your parents? just stay at home and stay over at weekends. see how it goes. then offer to pay for food and utilities for a trial?

litterbugkid Thu 16-Oct-14 16:40:15

@sanfairyanne This isn't about being committed. We are committed but we are both realists as well. If things go sour and trust has gone out the window (sometimes it does in the end even when the relationship had complete trust) we need to both be safe with whatever investments we make.

sanfairyanne Thu 16-Oct-14 16:45:57

its not an insult smile i agree with your approach. but it is prob too early to buy a place together, as it is a right pain sorting it out if you separate. if your bf wont let you trial a few months just paying bills then i would just stay at home for the foreseeable (are your parents ok with that?)

iwaly Thu 16-Oct-14 16:54:27

I would run a mile from this arrangement. I would be happy to pay whatever I currently pay - which should presumably cover your bills and food - plus maybe an extra £50 to recognise the fact you are choosing to live together away from home which might be more fun, but that would be it. If you would save on commuting costs I would chip that in as well so you are being fair. But I would not pay an extra £300.

If you are happy to live at home then there is no reason you should be made worse off - you end up funding his house purchase and if you split up you would have nothing to show for it.

Also be careful if you move in you could end up with all sorts of DIY projects to do every weekend.....

Notmadeofrib Thu 16-Oct-14 16:54:38

His place, his mortgage. Over my dead body would I pay to live with someone!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 16-Oct-14 17:18:49

As you're only paying your parents a pittance, you must have stockpiled a shedload of cash. If you're not sure about your boyfriend I can see why you wouldn't want to enter into joint ownership with him but you're never going to find out if you are compatible if you don't give it a try. How about a six-month probation period at the end of which, if you're getting on, you pool your cash for a deposit and buy a place - fully documented and notarised by solicitors so that you can pull out and sell up at any stage? If you're not getting on, you can move back to your parents and you'd only be a few quid worse off.

brunette123 Thu 16-Oct-14 17:43:48

I don't see how the OP has necessarily stockpiled a load of cash just because she lives with parents - I lived with mine and paid some rent to them but used to spend the rest on my car, clothes and social life whilst saving some but not that much and certainly had no stockpile and even if I had, would not see it as fair to pay it to a bf towards his mortgage whilst he killed two birds with one stone. Relationships should be based on equality and it is (just) my opinion that the bf wants a deal that is advantageous to him and less so for OP - he will effectively be having a lodger with the advantages of the lodger also being his gf, on a trial basis, that commits neither of them, but at the end of the trial if they decide to go their separate ways, OP will be worse off than if she stayed at home and he will be better off and he seems only to be buying because he has to vacate his rental home shortly. Smells off to me.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 16-Oct-14 17:56:16

You could be tenants in common where it's legally set out how much each of you have paid into the deposit. Then if the worst happens, each of you will both get the same percentage of the deposit back that you paid in and you can split any equity between you.

DPotter Thu 16-Oct-14 18:14:37

Your BF doesn't want to commit just yet to buying property with you - fair enough. He is happy to have you move in on a trial basis - fair enough. He is asking for 'rent' + bills or to put it another way a contribution to living costs - actually fair enough. Is it just that you are hung up on the term 'rent', or he is asking you to sign a tenancy agreement ? If the later - yes he's being unreasonable, but I think asking for a contribution to living costs is not unreasonable at all.
Buying a house with someone is a risky venture and his suggestion is a interesting way of trying 'living together' without the additional cost of solicitors fees for 'custom' contracts, buying each other out of the relationship fails etc.

SilverStars Thu 16-Oct-14 18:17:08

It sounds that if things do not work out you have paid a nice chunk of his mortgage. No risk for him at all.

TarkaTheOtter Thu 16-Oct-14 18:23:00

What about if you paid half the interest on the mortgage payments (plus half of bills). That way you are not paying towards an asset that you do not have any ownership of, but you are paying a fair share of the costs of living there.
It will also be easy for you to split up without involving solicitors/valuations.

hesterton Thu 16-Oct-14 18:23:36

I think it's only fair that you pay something in rent if you are living there. You have the fun of grown up living which does cost. Why should you effectively live off parents and then a bf and never support yourself?

If you prefer to remain at home then do so but why expect some man to support your living when you aren't committed to each other yet. .

litterbugkid Thu 16-Oct-14 18:29:35


When did I say I'd live off him? I said I'd prefer to contribute to the cost of the house so I am paying to live there and have some equity in the house, rather than paying rent and essentially helping him pay off his mortgage.
I have no issue paying for bills, etc.

Coffeeinapapercup Thu 16-Oct-14 18:32:43

I'd have a chat to a solicitor. In his position I can see his point, but I think your suggestion is a more realistic option.... but I'm pretty sure a solicitor would be able to tidy it all up for you. Make sure you have your own solicitor for this a joint one wouldn't work

I actually think it is very realistic and reasonable to get it all tied up sensibly before you move in together

litterbugkid Thu 16-Oct-14 18:34:22


As I replied to hesterton, I have no problem contributing to living costs as long as they are for bills/food whatever. I do have a problem with paying rent on top of that when I could continue saving up by living at home and not losing out. I'd rather contribute a larger share monthly and gain equity in the house.

Or as a previous person has said, pay the 'rent' into a joint bank account, if we get married, it goes towards the house, if things end I haven't lost my money and it'd be like he bought it solely anyway.

AppleAndBlackberry Thu 16-Oct-14 18:43:03

The thing is if you were married you would probably aim to have roughly equal 'spending' money after bills etc either by having a joint account or otherwise. This arrangement sounds like you may end up worse off than him and also with no share in the property. I would say stay at your parents if that arrangement suits you, or otherwise think about a fairer arrangement e.g. paying half the bills and food and a nominal rent e.g. £50. Hard to say without knowing both incomes though.

hesterton Thu 16-Oct-14 18:44:53

I do gwt what you mean about sharing the bills etc and not totally living cost free, but noone has a right to live in another's property without paying towards the main home cost, be it rent or mortgage.

What your parents give you as a working adult is very generous. Not all parents can afford to do that. But he's not your parent, he's your equal and if you're living with him in his property, I do think you should pay a bit of rent. It onlt seems fair really and maintains your financial independence. If you don't like the situation because you lose out on the generosity of your parents, then you should really stay at home

Siarie Thu 16-Oct-14 18:45:10

My DH would have let me stay rent free. In fact he has done over the years before we were married. I was a student when I moved in with him so didn't pay anything at all.

He was completely happy with the arrangement as it allowed us to try out living together and he wanted me to do well with my studies.

So I think really your BF could consider doing the same. Then you could participate with the bills. Once you've saved up a deposit you could then look to buying a new property together or sort out a joint ownership for the existing property (with you investing money somewhere, or giving your BF money).

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