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son is 10k in debt. is it coming back on me?

(17 Posts)
igotaway Sun 23-Feb-14 14:37:12

Hi my son is 10k in debt to credit card companies

he is paying minimum interest, by robbing peter to pay paul, but that is now becoming to big to handle.

he lives at home with me and does not work, he has chronic depression

because he lives with me, does that mean I become responsible for his debts at all?

is it best to declare bankruptcy?

thanks - -

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 14:42:11

You're not responsible for his personal debts. If he's unemployed, struggling to meet payments and has no reasonable chance of clearing the debts then he should urgently book a session with CAB or one of the free debt charities for advice. Bankruptcy may be his best option but there may also be others.

JonSnowKnowsNothing Sun 23-Feb-14 14:42:27

How did he manage to rack up that much credit card debt if he doesn't work? Has he ever worked?
You aren't responsible for his debs, no. How old is he? Personally I think bankruptcy is a last resort but I'm sure wiser MNers will be along soon.

ilovepowerhoop Sun 23-Feb-14 14:43:15

can he speak to the companies to see if they will freeze the interest/set up a payment plan with them. What age is your son? You are not responsible for his debts

igotaway Sun 23-Feb-14 18:23:39

@jonsnow. yes he has worked up in til 2 years ago, then he had a breakdown of catastrophic proportions

he is 23 years old.

he has had the cards for 5 years, the money went on tools and work stock, which he was able to manage, he paid housekeeping, bills, etc, and then went down hill very very fast, and had to stop working.

the purchases are of a nature that I would rather not discuss, but its done now and I have to sort it out.

because of his illness, BPD, he wanted to know that if he committed suicide that I would have to pay it back. hence my question.

if I can convince him that I wont have to find the money, then it might buy me a month or 2 with him.

caketinrosie Sun 23-Feb-14 18:32:13

Oh my word. What are you thinking? If he is suicidal to the extent that you feel he might act on this feeling, get him into a hospital! Take him to a & e! 10 grand debt is nothing in the grand scheme of things certainly not close to a bankruptcy consideration hell no! Speak to the credit card company let them know he is skint, offer a payment plan of whatever he can realistically manage and deal with the fall out. Yes he will get a default, yes he may get a ccj so what! He will be alive and credit scores improve over time anyway! Get both of you to the GP! I owed almost 50 grand 4 & 1/2 yrs ago now I owe zero. Nothing. It is possible to come back from this but not on your own. Get help. sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 18:42:06

I agree with the PP. He urgently needs medical treatment if he's suicidal. Tell him you wouldn't be liable for his debts after his death and he'll think you're giving him the green light!!

PantsInWash Sun 23-Feb-14 18:58:00

Yes, agree with others about GP, also rather than bankruptcy there's the option of a Debt Relief Order if his debts are under 15,000. If you can't get to a CAB then national debtline should be able to help. They're a charity & can help over the phone.

Good luck

igotaway Sun 23-Feb-14 22:22:43

Thank you for your replys, you have answered his question Cogito.

I would like to add that he is NOT suicidal because of the debt, no, not at all.

he is suicidal because of his illness.

a&e, gp's physciatrists, are not in the running anymore, we have consulted everybody available to MH issues, to the topmost level, they are beyond useless.......... he just wants to tidy his life up and go. It is a horrendous thing to live with as a mother, but it is worse for him as he lives the most raw painful life, the depression is crippling.

anyway, you have answered his question thank you.

caketinrosie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:04:22

Oh my darling I'm late back as dealing with my own tricky family. There is always another option, I know your boy is tortoured but you can choose survival. You can ask for support.? Not only on this website but elsewhere? I've been out tonight so am not in the best state of m

caketinrosie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:05:07

Mind to offer support, but pm me and I'm right there, you are not

caketinrosie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:05:48

On your own. Oh my god fat fingers!!!!

caketinrosie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:12:26

Keep on demanding support. Keep asking for help. Don't give up. Mumsnet posters will give you support and great advice so let them in. I'm going to bed now but will be up in the morning so keep in touch. Let me know if I can do anything xx thanks cake

bodenbrawl Mon 24-Feb-14 00:35:11

Sorry to hear about your DS's problems. I have MH issues and was in a lot of debt some time ago as well. There is a good guide on the MSE website to debt & mental health - here. Lots of useful links and advice.

I used Stepchange for debt advice and found them very helpful. They are a charity and provide specialist debt advice. There are model letters on their website which I used to get some peace from my credit card companies - I wrote and told them of my MH problems, and they agreed that I could pay £1 a month to each of them until I had a chance to sort out a more detailed plan. Some of them will ask for a letter from a medical professional, others just accepted it.

I needed to go for bankruptcy in my case, as my debts were too high for a DRO. But the DRO could be an option for your DS, he would need to go through an advice agency like CAB to organise it. It wrecks your credit rating (which is probably already poor) but it does mean that all debts are discharged, and if he isn't working and doesn't own his home then it makes little difference to day to day life. But for your initial question, as others have said, you could never be held liable for his debts.

I think you also need support with his MH issues so would advise you to post in MH topic for that. Sounds like he really needs support. Is he getting DLA/PIP? I was suicidal at one stage and got higher rate DLA for needing constant supervision, but it's a hard form to complete.

chocolatespiders Mon 24-Feb-14 12:39:20


chocolatespiders Mon 24-Feb-14 12:40:56

Cried reading this I can not imagine what you are going through.. Ring the national debt line who can talk to cc companies and stop the interest then they can be paid off without the added interest going on and on.

TalkinPeace Mon 24-Feb-14 13:08:38

(1) cut up the cards

(2) sit with him and log into his bank account and switch the repayments to standing orders equal to this month's payment on each
as then they will clear themselves in a year or two

93) sit down with him and phone Experian
and Equifax
and get them to flag his account so that nobody will offer him any more credit until all of the current stuff is paid off

and then with a nice wide financial breathing space
put your effort into getting the help he (and you) need for the MH issues.

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