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Please help - Desperate mum of twins close to breaking point as ex husband seeks half my assets

(4 Posts)
zipzap Sun 20-Jan-13 15:05:54

Sounds like you've had a horrendous time.

I don't know anything about the legalities of these things but it might be worth posting in the Legal section as there are people who might be able to advise you much better. £120k sounds a lot for a legal bill when they haven't even got to the nitty gritty of a court hearing, let alone finish the case.

Good luck.

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Sun 20-Jan-13 14:19:43

Jesus. You poor thing.

I know this is trite but it is only money. You, your love, care and protection is the best and biggest (financially as well as emotionally) gift your babies could have. Try to remember this. They are tiny, they have a long road and this will be a blip you will recover from.

I think you should talk to your GP. With such tiny babies and so much stress it sounds like you are at risk of PND. sad

Obviously for £120k your lawyers are giving you better advice than we can on the legalities.


Can you threaten him with action for fraud? To remortgage your house without you knowing he must have committed fraud. This could scare him into moving along faster or dropping things.

Stay strong and talk to someone in RL x

Cacks81 Sun 20-Jan-13 14:05:32

Oh my god. You poor woman. You really have been put through it all.

But, you have got this far and cannot stop now. You had the courage to get rid of him in the first place and continue to fight, so give yourself credit. You are amazingly strong and have to keep going.

No judge will fail to see what this man has done. Plus, he is the one who is doing all he can to hamper proceedings. You are doing everything they ask of you.

You also need to remember you twins and their father. They are your priority and they need you.

How on earth he managed to remortgage your home without your consent, I can't fathom! What do the mortgage company have to say?

What does your solicitor say? How honestly confident are they?

And what is the worst case scenario? If you can come to terms with that and you and your partner can prepare for that, then the next steps could be easier.

I really wish you so much luck, but hope you realise how important and strong you are. Don't let him ruin what you have. Your twins do not deserve that. They deserve you.

Lulublue22 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:16:31

Please help me, i don't know where to turn. I cant sleep and i cant stop crying. My twins are now six months old and i feel i have not spent any quality time with them through worry. Two days ago i found myself kissing them goodbye as i felt i could no longer go on. I am scared i am going to do something rash if this does not get sorted.

In 2008 i asked my then out of work husband for a divorce after i discovered whilst transferring my mortgage that he had remortgaged our property by £130,000. I never saw a penny of this money. It was obvious i could no longer trust him, combined with the fact it was clear he did not want children and the years of resentment of financing his lifestyle while he lounged around at home pretending to the world he was a big businessman whilst i worked all hours was the last straw.

Thankfully the house was quite large and we managed to live separate lives in it amicably until we finally found a buyer for it in summer 2009. During this time we both dated other people. In April 2010 the sale finally went through and at his suggestion (he was 10 years older than me and had watched his sister and friends lose money through divorce) we agreed to split our finances without lawyers and do the divorce online to preserve what little cash we had. This was agreed in principle months before the sale and i have email evidence to the solicitor dealing with the sale of this split - i was to receive a larger amount due to the amount he had stolen from our mortgage account and the fact i had paid over £220,000 in mortgage repayments over the years whilst he had contributed nothing. Just weeks before he claimed he no longer agreed to this split and so i agreed reluctantly to sign over my property in Turkey to him worth around £100,000 at the time. He was happy with this. We then both put it in an email to the solicitor that this was how we were splitting our assets.
The day he moved out, i called an online company to start divorce proceedings. My ex then proceeded to avoid all my attempts to get a divorce. I moved on with my life, renovated a property and got pregnant with my current partner. I text my ex numerous times to ask for a divorce and nothing yet the minute i sold my property at a profit he started divorce proceedings and slapped a freezing order on my assets.

It turns out that within a month of receiving his share of the marital home he managed to lose £200,000 through gambling. He claims he has debts which are marital - they are not, they are to do with his failed businesses and a lifestyle that him and his girlfriend have led since him and i split. He is now trying to come after me for half of everything i have. My money has now been frozen for a year. The case went to court in April (whilst pregnant) to see if he should be held to the agreement but my ex argued that the case be adjourned as a full court hearing was needed and the judge agreed to it.This had an adverse affect on my blood pressure and ultimately resulted in pre eclampsia starting from week 16 of my pregnancy. Despite all the stress and reams of paperwork, I managed to make it to week 33 when my babies were born weighing 3,12lb and 4,6lb. They spent two weeks in NICU.

The new court case was set for October. The babies were just 3 months old and i managed to prepare all the documents on time and be at the court on time with babysitter and bags of expressed milk. My ex turned up with a suitcase of documents and managed to get the case adjourned again claiming he had not had enough time to prepare his case. The judge agreed! More costs, more agonising waiting time, my money still frozen.

It is now January and i am so distressed. I don't know where to turn. I cant buy a house. i am no nearer to getting a resolution. My solicitors bill is circa £120k yet there is still more to come and i believe they are straying further and further from the main argument - that we had an agreement, which there is email evidence of.

This is not the life i had planned for my babies. My partner and i are at each others throats and close to break up. I wake up every night in tears worrying about how i will care for my children and look after them financially. I have lost so much money on solicitors and don't know where to turn now. I am so low, that i am afraid that in a moment of madness i will do something rash. I do not want my children will end up growing up without a mother.

Please can someone help?

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