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(57 Posts)
Bubblenut Sun 23-Dec-12 19:56:17

I'm so frustrated and quite honestly ... Jealous!!!

I have a friend who started life with a child the same way I did but we took different paths. She is on benefits and works a few hours a week since some government proposal to get people into employment. We both had a child around the same time and her husband left her. I had to run from my partner and was abandoned by my family at the start for having a child out of wedlock.

We were both on benefits for about a year when our children were born - I decided to go back to uni to train in education. She didnt. She only took a job this year (our children are now 12). I calculated that I work 46 hours a week, never got to pick up or drop off my child, go on class trips etc - seems silly but things like that mean a lot to me and was a treat to my daughter on the rare occasions I could pick her up.

She was given a lovely flat in a nice area, this year alone went to Spain twice and New York once, bought her child a blackberry for Christmas, good music system etc.

I love my friend a lot and she is a great person but I feel so frustrated that now she has a new car!

My husband (not daughters biological father ) and I work our arses off in good jobs but can't afford to buy a house ... Not even a car which we desperately need! Our money is going down the drain on rent

How can that be? Surely we should have more to spend than she should on benefits!!! I just don't understand!

I'm at the point where I feel I made a mistake by going back to uni.

I feel like a cow for feeling this way but I feel so ticked off when I see her with lovely clothes and all these things while we work and work to cover bills etc.

I haven't read over this post as I'm fast typing my vent.

Am I being unreasonable feeling like this?

Witchety Sun 23-Dec-12 19:58:29

Shh a benefit bashing thread! Just what we need!

Try it yourself if it sounds so good?

Bubblenut Sun 23-Dec-12 20:04:31

Defend it then.

This is the first time I've ever written about it or even come into this section so wouldn't have noticed others.

I can only assume you're on them and so you're in a good place to enlighten me.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake Sun 23-Dec-12 20:07:08

What you're describing it just impossible on benefits alone - New York?

LadyMaryChristmas Sun 23-Dec-12 20:07:23

hmm Why don't you do a search? That way you'll see the hundreds of other benefit bashing threads that have ended up in a bun fight.

DeltaUniformDeltaEcho Sun 23-Dec-12 20:40:25

New york?

I can't even afford to visit my mum every week and she lives 30 minutes away.

I can't help but think you may not be in full possession of the facts here.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sun 23-Dec-12 20:43:15

YABU because unless you have full access to your friend's bank account you have no real way of knowing where she gets her money or how she spends it. A lot of people seem to live fancy lifestyles but they do it all on credit. Some have generous relatives. Others moonlight... and if you think she's committing benefit fraud there are hotlines you can call.

In the meantime, rather than getting bitter, make sure your family is getting everything you're entitled to... benefit checker at And maybe consider the perspective that everything you have you have earned and it can't be taken away, whereas someone reliant on benefits is at the mercy of whatever welfare policy happens to be in place at the time.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sun 23-Dec-12 20:46:57

there was nothing stopping you choosing the life she has. in fact, why not kick your Dh out and claim whatever she's getting? if her life is so great i cant imagine why you wouldn't do this. am i missing something?

Tortington Sun 23-Dec-12 20:48:55

its just not possible

do a google and work it out yourself.

better still if shes such a good friend ask her

Tortington Sun 23-Dec-12 20:49:19

or go on benefits - it seems like a hoot

Witchety Sun 23-Dec-12 20:50:48

Why assume I'm on them too just because I ( and everyone else) don't agree with you!!!

WankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 23-Dec-12 20:53:26

Funny how we always want what we cannot have.

I am on Benefits, looking for a job, as are another 99 people with qualifications I have many years experience, so I am looking for a job, studying my ass off to get an HND and get back into work.

Tbh I may not be better off i work but I would like to work, I get bored at home all day...

I wonder what benefits she is on I am broke big time I have a car but my Dad bought me it and helps me with Tax etc, without him my car would go, he knows I need the car to get to College for Exams and get to work when I get a job!

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 23-Dec-12 21:05:29

Just to put your mind at rest that its not your taxes paying for holidays to New York, Spain and a new car please check out the entitledto website. She must have a rich benefactor. Thats something we'd all like to have.

You have created a position for yourself through hard work that means when your DC grow up and become less financially dependent, you will have a little more for yourselves and as your careers progress even more.

If you have a pre teen, are single, minimal qualifications and are reliant on benefits it must be a very scary time. In just four short years your friend may no longer be entitled to her flat if her DC leave full time education, she may also loose almost all of her current benefits. If she is a good friend i hope you can be there for her then because it could be a very tough time.

bakingaddict Sun 23-Dec-12 21:13:23

Full of Christmas cheer aren't you.....agree with SantaIAm, if it's so attractive get a piece of it yourself rather than whingeing on here

archilles Sun 23-Dec-12 21:33:58

It isn't your friends fault that you can't budget!

Frankly I don't believe it. Total bullshit.

wannabedomesticgoddess Sun 23-Dec-12 21:38:20

Oh FGS. Really?


JakeBullet Sun 23-Dec-12 21:41:49

Bubblenut I am on benefits for the first time after 30 years of work. I can tell you right now that I cannot afford to buy a new current one cost me £250 on eBay. So either someone bought that car for her or she is getting money in from somewhere else and not declaring it.

Ad I get extra benefits as my son is autistic and I STILL cannot afford to buy a new car.

Witchety Sun 23-Dec-12 21:47:54

Maybe her ex is generous with maintenance.... It's not counted anymore...

TheOriginalNutcracker Sun 23-Dec-12 21:48:32

LOL @ New York, seriously ??

Your friend either has wealthy relatives who are paying for these things, or she is fiddling the system in some way.

drownangels Sun 23-Dec-12 21:49:18

I am not going to defend or critize benefits.
What I will say is that it is possible to do NY on benefits. My close friend, a single parent, who has two children aged 13 and 15 has just come back from a long weekend there.

No family member paid for her - she hasn't got any relatives that she is in touch with.

Brycie Sun 23-Dec-12 21:52:59

Of course you're right to be cross. Good lord, it's an outrage. But it will all come to an end soon, hopefully.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sun 23-Dec-12 21:55:13

"Defend it then."

defend what?

it's very clear from this response to the first comment by a MNer (a response that in no way relates to what was said in the first comment) that you fully intended to spark off a benefit bashing/defending thread.

Asinine Sun 23-Dec-12 22:01:39


Being jealous will make you miserable. Try looking at people worse off than you (and there are plenty, both here and abroad) and see what you can do for them. If you're happy with the way you've lived your life, that is what matters.

Brycie Sun 23-Dec-12 22:04:30

Doesn't sound jealous - she sounds pissed off that she's paying for her friend to have a better lifestyle than she does.

Asinine Sun 23-Dec-12 22:07:26

Oh-sorry Brycie

I must have misinterpreted the first line of the OP?

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