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Help.......... Ex related CSA and extra payments......

(204 Posts)
Reginaphalangey Mon 29-Oct-12 11:54:18

Can anyone offer me some advice please........

I have no biological kids of my own (yet) but My wonderful partner of 6months has a 4yr old child from a previous marriage,

His ex left him, and since the split he has had 50% custody of the child and has faithfully paid monthly amounts over half extra to the amount required of him by law through the CSA......

His ex however is challenging him that he does not contribute enough...... And over and above him paying extra to her per month, she now expects him to pay half of all extra curricular activities!!!

To me this seems unreasonable, and that she will continue to want more and more from him.....
But my querie is, what do the child support payments cover, and can anyone else offer their opinion on my dilemma??

Should he drop back to paying only the required monthly amount??? And should she be demanding any extra above the figure given by the CSA???

Thanks for reading

LadyMaryCreepyCrawley Mon 29-Oct-12 11:59:59

It's expensive to raise a child, even more so for a single parent. I would, however, remind his ex that he is paying more than the CSA have calculated, so this extra should cover the extra curricular activities.

OneHandFlapping Mon 29-Oct-12 12:02:22

Does this bother him, or only you?

GlesgaRocket Mon 29-Oct-12 12:03:51

Why is this "your dilemma"?

You've been together only 6 months and you're involving yourself in what he pays to support his child?

I'd butt out if i were you.

Reginaphalangey Mon 29-Oct-12 12:12:48

At glesga rocket......
We live together, it is one of many issues that does involve me as he chooses to include me!!!!
He is bothered by it and I'm looking for useful advice since I know nothing about it, and hoping a forum like this where other people including partners of those involved are affected can help..... Your obviously not one of them! But thanks for your input

Reginaphalangey Mon 29-Oct-12 12:16:23

Unfortunately It does bother him..... He has been trying to do the right thing, but he keeps getting pounded for more and more!!!! What I'm trying to work out, is........ Is she right to ask for above and beyond what he pays since its already50% more than the amount the CSA expects, or should that extra include what she's asking him for??

Reginaphalangey Mon 29-Oct-12 12:21:04

And an extra point if it makes a difference to people's responses..... The ex is not single, she is in a relationship!!! And living more affluently than we are at present!!!!

GlesgaRocket Mon 29-Oct-12 12:29:22

You asked for advice. My advice would be for you to butt out.
Not sure i can put it more succinctly than that.
If my ex's new partner (6 months is still very 'new') was getting involved in what was paid for our child, i don't think i'd be very happy.

It doesn't matter that the ex is in a relationship. Your dp has to provide for his child and since you claim that the amount he is paying bothers him then i suggest they go formally through the CSA or he sees a solicitor with regards to formalising a financial agreement.

Reginaphalangey Mon 29-Oct-12 12:55:48

As i said...... I asked for useful advice

Im not involving myself with their payment arrangements or sticking my nose in where it's not wanted......

I'm not trying to cause any hassle or any shit between them

I'm trying to understand what CSA payments include, and if certain factors like the ex not being single are taken into consideration the same way the CSA use percentage custody to calculate payments

I'm trying to understand this to support my partner when he talks to me about this kind of stuff as communication is important in relationships or it important to us!!!!


They have gone through the CSA......
he pays way more than he has too, more than some people
She however wants more money......

I only want to know if this is a reasonable request of her to him.....

ShirleyRots Mon 29-Oct-12 12:58:35

How much is her paying per month?

nicky2012 Mon 29-Oct-12 14:04:08

i understand u completly!! im the 'boat' been with my fella 10yrs his ex bitch went to csa AND it does involve u as you live togeather! my advice would be just pay the amount csa are asking and tell her to sit and spin!!

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 29-Oct-12 14:10:33

If its 50% custody, surely both sides would just pay the expenses on their days? Neither side will have more expense than the other if 50/50 care.

If he wants to pay still, then add up what he is paying, add on equal amount from the other parent as she should contribute the same plus CB and poss tax credits and see what it all comes too. If its enough to feed, clothe and pay for school activities then you have a basis for discussion.

susiedaisy Mon 29-Oct-12 14:15:17

When my exH and I were in mediation we were told that the amount the Csa state is the required amount by law for a parent to pay for their dc but for things such as a big school trip, one off special opportunities, and the purchase of driving lessons and a car etc etc it could be expected that the non resident parent (typically the father) contributes to this on top of the usual CM payments. This didn't apply if the mother decided to enrolled the child on random extra activities such as ballet, brownies etc HTH

Mama1980 Mon 29-Oct-12 14:17:48

I'm confused slightly as if they share custody 50/50 then neither should pay more as they will each cover their own expenses iyswim? Csa won't ask for very much to be paid to the 'resident' parent in this situation. A friend of mine in a similar position always pays, he's not always happy about it but he always says he would prefer to just cough up than risk his ex being genuine and his child going without.

susiedaisy Mon 29-Oct-12 14:20:17

What are the extra activities she wants the money for are they important?

ShirleyRots Mon 29-Oct-12 14:22:27

"I'm confused slightly as if they share custody 50/50 then neither should pay more as they will each cover their own expenses iyswim?"

yy, I wondered about that. If it's 50/50 shared custody then I thought that CM wasn't payable. I might be wrong about that though. I do know there can be problems arising from CB and WTC when residency is shared though.

nicky2012 Mon 29-Oct-12 14:27:35

lots of so called mothers who have 50-50 care abuse this, caus if they hold the cb book they are classed as pwc unless a court order is in place but not always. i provide fully for my girls dont ask and have never asked for a penny offa my oldests sperm doner my choice to give birth my responcabillity to provide! dont even ask my partner for help with uniform cost ect

ShirleyRots Mon 29-Oct-12 14:32:32

I would respond but I can't understand what you're saying. It appears that because you had a baby that it's down to you to provide for it - and the men are entitled to get off scott free (for some reason I can't quite fathom).

The 1950's called, they want their attitude back.

I utterly refute your ascertion that "lots of so called mothers" use 50/50 residency to con the government out of CB. hmm I think that's what you're trying to say.

I can provide links and stats which show that the vast, vast majority of LP's are women who receive no CM from the fathers. <shrugs>

susiedaisy Mon 29-Oct-12 14:35:08

nicky not sure what you're are trying to say!

NotaDisneyMum Mon 29-Oct-12 14:42:51

I have 50:50 care of my DD - in the eyes of the CSA I am the resident parent and I do receive CM through the CSA every month; long story related to by ex's determination to declare himself bankrupt.

Anyway, the arrangement in place was that I would buy/provide everything that DD needs in both homes - uniform, casual clothes, cost of trips, agreed clubs, haircuts etc etc. My ex has recently chosen to pay for some of those things himself; but that's up to him, DD wouldn't go without if he didn't, although she might not get everything that he wants her to have smile

The system isn't easy for Separated parents - it's all very well expecting parents to agree and pay 50:50 for everything, but if my ex decided that he wanted DD to go on the annual school ski trip, he might be able to afford half but I can't afford the other half! Of course, it's easy for him to make me out to be the bad guy then, by telling DD that she can't go because I won't pay angry

nicky2012 Mon 29-Oct-12 14:46:02

the 50-50 care is SOMTIMES used as a con and this i know for a fact 1 family members ex is doing it to him and an ex m8 was doing it to her ex!
alot of women who claim csa LIKE my partners ex are nothing more than silly little jelous slags who now after 16yrs of getting cash in hand from father to try and get more from csa! i DID NOT SAY ALLL 'MOTHERS' DID I!!

also yes i gave my ex no choice in my baby being born in the 1st place so why do i have the right to demand money from him?

ShirleyRots Mon 29-Oct-12 14:49:30

Thick as mince.

Learn to write a coherent sentence FFS, especially when you're spouting such venomous bullshit.

nicky2012 Mon 29-Oct-12 14:53:50

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ShirleyRots Mon 29-Oct-12 14:57:32


nicky2012 Mon 29-Oct-12 15:01:04

oh and stats show that 1 in 6 fathers having dna testing turn out not to be the father? suppose thats bs too......

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