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DSs DLA - I can only save a bit of it... What do others do?

(30 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Mon 27-Aug-12 23:54:11

It pays for the extras he needs, allows him to do out of school activities, and we bought a huge amount of equipment like netbook, dictation software and other equipment for him. He needs some stuff to be duplicated like glasses, PE kits, none of which come cheap.
However, a portion of it also covers household expenses. I work p/t (was in senior management until his needs became too difficult to juggle with my job)
Is it always about compromise and making sure they've got what they need - or do people save it for their dcs bank account? I think I'm having a big guilt trip moment.

missnevermind Tue 28-Aug-12 00:46:37

TBH all the parents that I know that claim DLA for the child have to actually use the money for day to day expenses and as you said all the extras that they end up needing.

Nobody has any left at the end of the month to put in the bank for the child, I have never heard of this being done.
But that probably says more about how (not) affluent the people around me are rather than in general.

If you find that you have a little left over at the end of the month then it is a nice idea to set it aside for later.
Do not feel guilty at spending the money given to you to help you look after your son on actually looking after him.

The same but different grin I have family that are horrified that I spend the Child Benefit money. They bank theirs every week to give to their daughter when she is 18. I buy food with mine.

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-Aug-12 00:50:58

Me too missnever smile CB goes on shoes/uniform/clothes/swimming lessons and the rest for the other 2 dc.
Heard a lot of folk on here who save the DLA, and had a big guilt moment. I might have just heard one side of the story and needed to hear I'm not the only one who's in this position tbh. Thank you smile

PopOozeTheFastest Tue 28-Aug-12 00:58:37

I'm exactly the same as you OP. DSs DLA also paid for the netbook he needed for his GCSE work, his extra PE kit, his second pair of glasses and the countless pairs of shoes he gets through because of the way he walks (DS1 needs at least twice as many pairs as DS2 and DD). I also earn less in my current PT job than I did in the FT job I had to give up to be around at home more to look after DS1, so some of his DLA money is needed for the general household pot.

I also have a few friends who claim DLA for a DC & use the money in the same way. You are not alone grin.

LadySybildeChocolate Tue 28-Aug-12 00:59:46

Hey, shrek smile Do whatever you want with it, chuck. Supportive shoes are not cheap, it would be lovely to pop to Tesco and get a pair for £15 but hey ho. I use mine to get ds to school and pay for his shoes as they decided he wasn't eligible (despite only being able to walk a few metres without needing to stop due to pain). hmm

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-Aug-12 01:03:02

<waves at ladysyb>
and Pop, are you me ? Scarily similargrin

LadySybildeChocolate Tue 28-Aug-12 01:04:08

Have some wine wink

Toughasoldboots Tue 28-Aug-12 01:05:14

You probably are allowed to spend some on wine too. I would dedicate 10%.

LadySybildeChocolate Tue 28-Aug-12 01:06:32

grin Everyone should have a wine allowance.

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-Aug-12 01:07:23

Nah, the wine has to be mine out of my own hard-earned wink Then nobody else has a say in how many glasses I have wink

LadySybildeChocolate Tue 28-Aug-12 01:10:33

Tis no one else's business, chuck. wink I'm so sorry that life's being tough for you at the moment, I'm always on here (or there) if you need a friend. thanks

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-Aug-12 01:13:42

Aww you sweetie. Thanku.

LadySybildeChocolate Tue 28-Aug-12 01:14:33


starfishmummy Tue 28-Aug-12 01:38:04

Mrshrek - it sounds like you are using the DLA for exactly the things it is intended for.
I am not sure why some people think they should save it for the child to have as a nest egg; I use ds's in similar ways to you and if using it makes all our lives easier then so be it.

justaboutiswarm Tue 28-Aug-12 02:08:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notactuallyme Tue 28-Aug-12 04:25:46

We had a backkdated lump sum which has all gone - if I could afford to save it I wouldn't need it iyswim. Spent it on bedroom stuff - new bed and wardrobe in certain style and colour, a weeks residential trip and now I put most to one side for short term savings - ie so I can replace broken things or buy equipment in a monh or two. About 80 stays 'in the pot' and I justify that as I can't work full time, and there are daily costs (am sat in the kitchen washing all the wet bed clothes).
Does that help?

amistillsexy Tue 28-Aug-12 08:23:22

To be honest, given that it's a 'living' allowance, I'd say if you can afford to put it in the bank, you should return it!
Another one here who needed to give up a hard-earned and lucrative career due to pressures of looking after my disabled son. We use it for daily living too.

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-Aug-12 08:33:47

Guilt trip over. <unpacks suitcase and excess baggage>
I see we're in good company. Thank you all for posting - and a very good point about "living allowance" being for daily living expenses. Indeed if those of us who had well paid careers had continued them, we wouldn't need the money, but would have very unhappy children and families.

cornybootseeker Tue 28-Aug-12 08:42:50

I don't save it either. I'm very limited as to the amount of hours that I am able to work so it helps with that, but also with ferrying ds about as he won't use public transport and paying for his various 'stuff.'

frustratedpineapplepants Tue 28-Aug-12 08:45:57

Glad the guilt trip is over mrsshrek3 I would love to save some of dds, but it gets spend on stuff she needs or will benefit from, as does a chunk of my wages.
Ooh and my tax credits go on food. grin

perhaps people who think you should save it think you should deprive your dc? irrationally jumping to judgy conclusions

cornybootseeker Tue 28-Aug-12 08:48:25

(how are you and dh BTW Mrs shrek? your thread had dropped off my threads I'm on so haven't seen it for a bit)

Bonkerz Tue 28-Aug-12 08:52:16

The dla we receive for DS goes into my bank account and is used towards household expenses. Without it I wouldn't be able to afford petrol to get him to appointments or collect him from school after he refuses to get in taxi.

Vagaceratops Tue 28-Aug-12 15:24:42

It pays for all the extra's that DS needs - food (because his diet is so weird and expensive), Nappies, other bits and pieces. We have used it in the past for a private SALT and at the moment he has 1-2-1 swimming lessons which it pays for too. I have just bought him a computer.

I put a little bit away for our holiday too, but there isnt much left over tbh.

phoebus Wed 29-Aug-12 08:12:25

DS's DLA has so far gone on things like his special 8th birthday party which he wanted (which - as he has AS - was much more than a treat / luxury; and it did loads for his social skills, and for our own positive interaction with other parents); his first trip to Legoland (where the diagnosis got him fantastic help with the free 'red stamp' on his hand so that we could go straight to the front of all the queues!); quite a bit has gone on specialist social skills games and resources I've found for him; and I think that a big chunk of it will shortly go on paying for a private OT who specialises helping in children on the spectrum. He also has regular music and 1-to-1 swimming lessons (on which we get a fantastic 'disability' discount for the 1st 12 sessions btw, which I only found out about by chance as the local leisure centre kindly mentioned its availability to me after I had to contact them about his struggles with school group swimming sessions - Check it out!).

Having said all that, undoubtedly some of it has gone every month into everyday household expenses, also shoes, school uniform etc which never came easily out of my small housekeeping allowance from DH. What a great idea to be able to 'save' it! - but I do wonder that, if parents are able to do that, are they: (a) actually using it for what it is intended for, ie, getting DC all the day to day extras that they need over and above other children; and (b) did the family 'need' it in the first place, if they can afford to do that? (No offence intended to anyone who does that - I genuinely just wonder. I realise it's not means-tested and that parents have the right to use their own judgment as to the best ways to use it for their DC).

TirednessKills Thu 30-Aug-12 19:15:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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