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I don't know what to do for the best!

(10 Posts)
RumpledTitSkin Sun 04-Sep-11 17:49:43


I don't know if anyone can help me, but I'm just going round and round in circles and I can't seem to make a decision.

My dh has been seconded to another part of the country with work (it's where we'd both like to live as we have family and friends that way which is why we decided he'd go for it). In practical terms, this now means that he'll be away all week and just coming home at the weekends. We have two children, one at school and one at nursery until next September. I work full time and LOVE my job and the thought of leaving makes me feel ill.

Firstly, we are skint and hugely in debt. We owe approx £40k on various loans and credit cards. All our own fault, but none of this debt was for holidays, cars, clothes or anything like that, it was just living beyond our means as I gave up work to stay at home with the children. However, we now need my salary to make our debt repayments.

I am aware that if dh gets offered the full time job, we will have to move again and I will have to resign.

I have six months to either

A) pay for full time childcare for one and after/before school for the other and juggle everything on my own but have enough of an income to cover debt repayments.

B) ask for my employer to consider letting me work part time, which they should be ok with, so I can do the school runs and just have to pay childcare for dd2 for the odd few hours over her free 15. This would make it easier for the dds and I would have less rushing around.

C) hand my notice in, meaning the childcare will be zero and I will be less stressed as I can concentrate on the dds. I will also be able to sort through the house, garage and loft and start selling stuff on ebay etc as we have loads and loads I know I could get rid of. I would also be able to keep on top of the house and garden and the dog could stay with me rather than going with dh.

Obviously if I took option C, I would have no way of contributing to the bills or debts other than what I can raise by selling stuff. Dh's salary would easily cover the mortgage, utility bills, food, petrol and the loan repayments, but NOT all the credit card repayments.

After all my waffling, I guess what I really need to know is if anyone thinks we could do some sort of a self managed dmp for dh and the credit cards?

Or should I just work through it?

I'm just so torn.

I want to pay off our debts, of course I do. But I'm so aware that the dds are going to have a rough time over the next six months and maybe by having me with them and not having to rely on nursery, childminders and neighbours might make it easier.

Selfishly, I know that by being at home more, I could sort the house and garden and be more organised which would lessen my stress levels.

(I've harped on about my stress levels only as I was recently prescribed anti depressants as I was struggling with juggling everything and pmt and after 3 months I stopped taking them as I wanted to see if I could cope on my own and I don't want to get to the stage of needing them again)

Any help or advice would be great. I'll accept any criticism gracefully too.


twotesttickles Sun 04-Sep-11 17:53:27

Personally, I'd consider an IVA in your circumstances.

No criticism levelled at all, it's easy to get into trouble. You've worked out it's not good and are working on it.

Would looking for a job near where he is going be a go-er? I know you'll have to sort schools etc too. But perhaps a look round see what it's like up there. Who knows, you might walk into a fabulous job there very easily.

belledechocchipcookie Sun 04-Sep-11 17:54:42

You need to speak to your husband about this. Personally, I'd go for C. Nothing's worth making yourself unwell for.

jimswifein1964 Sun 04-Sep-11 17:57:51

I'd go for part-time, as long as it doesnt make you worse off with imcome v chilcare. That way, you still work, plus you get time to ebay and prepare.

RumpledTitSkin Sun 04-Sep-11 18:14:38

Thanks for your comments.

Twotesttickles, I was trying to avoid an IVA as I think I'm too scared of anything that serious. I know we're in a mess, but I'm a bit of a control freak and I was hoping to try and sort it ourselves. We can't move yet, as dh's job is only for 6 months and there is a chance he won't be made permanent and we'll have to stay here.

Belle, we have spoken but with one thing and another, I've never managed to have all the figures in front of us when we have an opportunity to speak, so we always leave it for "another evening when the girls are in bed". I'm hoping that this week I will have half a day without children or work when I can put it all on paper. I know he'd like 'c' too as he's never really wanted me to go back to work.

Jimswife (are you not his wife anymore?), part time may be an option. I'm worried though (completely selfishly) that I actually wouldn't get any time at home without dds to sort stuff. I'm stuck in the mindset that I can't get anything done with a 3 yr old under my feet. It is getting easier though.


AnnoyingOrange Sun 04-Sep-11 18:21:08

You say that you love your job and the thought of leaving makes you feel ill.

So go for A) it's only for 6 mths and you could do B) or C) if A) is too much

RumpledTitSkin Sun 04-Sep-11 18:25:12

Annoying, thanks.

HappyCamel Sun 04-Sep-11 19:03:36

I'd go for A. You'll feel so much happier when the debts are paid off. If you can over pay you'll be rid of them sooner and they'll cost you less overall because you'll save on interest. It's only six months.

If you go for the other two you may just sit at home and worry. I'd put six months hard work in and start in your new location on a better footing.

Sorry to be harsh but I think you were self indulgent by over spending and now you're being self indulgent in wanting not to put the work in and pay your debts on time. I think you need to protect your children's future and set them a good example, pay your debts, work hard and be proud.

RumpledTitSkin Mon 05-Sep-11 18:12:02

Thanks Happy Camel.

You're not being harsh, I wanted other people's opinions.

I know what you're saying, but the dcs are so young at the moment and they have no idea what our financial situation is so I don't think we're setting them an example either way really. They know we don't go on holidays or have a nice car or buy new clothes so that wouldn't change. They are aware however, of dh not being around and I'm trying to make things easier in the here and now for us all too. I'm worrying already about either of them needing to stay off school/nursery poorly as I am now out of annual leave and I can only make up so much flex a week due to school runs.

I will sit down tomorrow and go through everything and try to sort it out. Will look at snowballing the credit cards as per mse. Just been on there too and seen I'm not alone at least!

I do appreciate the differing opinions, thanks all.

Voidka Tue 06-Sep-11 18:44:20

I would also look at snowballing - its a debt calculator where you put in your debts and the APR's and you can then work out how to pay off your debts while paying the least interest and doing it in the shortest possible time

Have a look here.

Good luck.

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