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Help please re custody

(13 Posts)
worthmore Wed 04-Nov-09 07:49:52

I am going to leave my husband. For his escalating unreasonable behaviour.
We have DS(2) who he adores, and he says he will fight for custody. He is not a UK citizen and would want to take him abroad.
He has never been a hands on father, eg he has probably only ever changed a handful of nappies.
I gave up my job when I was pregnant to become a SAHM, he earns a very good wage. But I could earn a decent wage from home.
Would a court ever give him custody?

Who do I talk to about my rights?

Bonsoir Wed 04-Nov-09 08:22:46

No, no English court will award your X2B full-time residency of your DS. Don't worry about this at all.

You need to find a good sympathetic solicitor in the first instance for a chat. Do you know anyone who can recommend one?

worthmore Wed 04-Nov-09 09:47:52

i have a solicitor that i am using for some property dispute... they have a divorce specialist but dont know what she is like

Bonsoir Wed 04-Nov-09 09:51:05

Oh if she is in the practice you're using you'll be able to get a free chat - take it and see. Good luck.

worthmore Wed 04-Nov-09 09:51:34

can't ask for recommendation, no-one knows I am going to do this!

VinegarTitsOnFire Wed 04-Nov-09 10:00:35

You have been his primary carer so no court would take your ds away and give full cusody to your ex

Keep a log of all of his unreasonable behaviour, especially texts and emails, talk to a solicitor asap, go to the CAB for advice too and find out as much as you can about what you are entitled to, benefits wise etc

Be calm and reasonable with him at all times and keep any evidence of this incase you have to go to court

mumofsatan Wed 04-Nov-09 12:35:23

unfortunately not many lawyers now offer free initial interviews, very rare.
I would suggest that you find a lawyer who is a member of Resolution, a group of lawyers who aim to deal with matters as amicably as possible which is very important where children are involved.

Very unlikely a Court would make a Residence Order in your H's favour and even more unlikely they would give permission for him to remove your DS from the jurisdication (England and Wales, assuming that is where you are now)
If you have suspicions that he might try to take him abroad you could make an application for a Prohibited Steps order which would prevent him from doing so.
Make sure you keep your DS's passport somewhere safe, just to be on the safe side.
Good luck

NanaNina Fri 06-Nov-09 21:45:21

Worthmore - it does seem most unlikely that the court would grant a Residence Order to your soontobeEx BUT I think it is slightly reckless of posters to be saying that this will definitely NOT happen. The thing is that if this matter ends up in court, it is the Judge who will make the final decision, not posters on MN!

I am an independent social worker and am often involved in cases concerned with residence and contact and social workers from CAFCASS will be involved in reporting to the court and making a recommendation as to the child's future in terms of which parent he should live with and contact arrangements for the other parent.

My advice would be try and keep the matter out of court as it so much better if parents can agree between them, but from the sound of it, your ex may not be willing to do this. I agree with the suggestion to find a collabarative lawyer via Reolution. Google

CarGirl Fri 06-Nov-09 21:51:16

My immediate concern would be has your ds got a passport, if not get one for him and keep it safe, he cannot be taken out of the country easily without it. Do you think there is any chance he would snatch DS or is it just emotional blackmail to get you to stay?

AS the full time carer you should get residency but you need to sort out an agreement as stated above.

floatyjosmum Sat 07-Nov-09 08:54:14

if you are really concerned about him removing the child from the country i would talk to the passport office and reunite.
even if you have the passport he ahs pr so can declare the other one is lost and get another - ive managed to put a warnign on my sons passport so that they wont allow the ex to get another however i have a residence order in my favour.

worthmore Sun 08-Nov-09 12:56:40

Thanks for all your responses.
I'm not worried he will just take DS and leave the country.. he's not that irrational. I just need to know if a court would ever give custody
a) to a father who has never been hands on
b) to a father who would want to live in another country away from all close family.. but more of his friends
c) if money is an issue ie. he earns more, would the fact that I earn money from home count

I can't imagine a court taking a 2 year old away from his mother and her family and giving him to a father 11,000 miles away.
I just wanted some reassurance I think


NanaNina Sun 08-Nov-09 14:49:06

Is there no way wortmore that you and your soontobeex can agree things between you, which is far the best way. You say he is not irrational so maybe when the dust has settled you can reach some agreement. Is he panicking as he knows you want to separate. When you do separate does this mean that he will leave the UK. Does it not mean more for him to have ongoing contact with his son than upsticks and leave the country.

I note you are married so presumably you will be getting a divorce and what is happening about tghe home in which you live. These are matters that will also have to be sorted as well as who has the full time care of your son. Earnings are nothing to do with who cares for the child, so don't worry about that. If your H knows that you will allow him reasonable contact with his son, maybe he will be less panicked about saying that he will "fight for custody" - I don't know but it's just a thought.

Have you tried the Resolution site - it's worth a try.

worthmore Mon 09-Nov-09 09:02:34

Yes hopefully we can settle things amicably, he is just very irrational sometimes so I think I have to cover all bases and see what my options are. Officially we are trying to work things out, and he is going to get some help, but i just don't hold out much hope at all and I need to be prepared

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