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access nightmare !!

(4 Posts)
starla77 Fri 16-Oct-09 17:12:09

i am really after some advice its kinda a long story but i will try and keep it brief

5 years ago my partner and i seperated - i had 2 children a daughter before i met him and a son which we had while we were married

he started a new relationship 10 days after leaving me and then decided to take me to court for access to BOTH children as he had raised my daughter since she was 11 months old

after a slow process of building up contact we progressed to overnight stays until after one weekend he decided he didnt want the hassle of my daughter anymore so was dropping her nad just taking his son

i asked him to go back to court as i was sure he couldnt do this and was advised this by my solicitor but instead he moved even further away and got his new partner pregnant and refused to pay maintenece

a year ago they also seperated and she gave me contact details as i wanted a divorce

3 years ago i met my now fiance and he has been the father my children always wanted
my ex husband even asked if my partner would adopt him so he couold stop csa payments presumably and make a fresh start

my problem is this he has now decided that he wants to see how his son is doing and has demanded i allow him access to pictures of his son on facebook
my son is upset that he might be forced to see his father again and really doesnt want to but my ex husband is threatning me twith court if i dont comply
i cant see how it would work as he hasnt cared for the past 4 years and now lives a 6 hour car ride away but i am worried if i just tell him where to go i will become involved in a costly court case
he has also asked me to do a direct payment rather than go through the csa which would save him £300 a month though he is living with his new partner and their son he has declared it on his csa papers but she hasnt on her tax credits as his ex got sent the annual review papers for him which means she is still claiming lone parent rates
do i just let him see how hes doing or do i report him for fraud and alet the csa

i dont want to seem bitter but he hasnt paid for nearly 5 years adn said he wanted nothing to do with his son but now as he qualifies for legal aid he is saying he is going to see a solicitor if i dont do what he wants !!

any advice gladly recieved !!!

OnlyWantsOneFartleBerry Fri 16-Oct-09 19:48:01

I would report him for the fraud.

Fraud is fraud.

Secondly - tell the CSA where you think he is living. He is oblidged to help pay for his son.

I would not allow access for photos via facebook - you do not know who they are being further circulated too.

Let him take you to court.

He probably wont hmm

Leslaki Sat 17-Oct-09 11:38:25

I agree with Only one - my ex is always threatening court - never did!! I think they like to feel in control and by threatening you with the thing you are most scared of (i.e. something to upset your DCs) they feel as if they have some control. I would alert CSA, tell him that if he wants to go to court then you'll both need to prove that you've gone through all the proper avenues regarding maintenance - tell him he'll need to have proved maintenance payements and he'll prbably need to prove that he has a relationship with his son. Whether it's true or not it may scare him off!!! Then get your fiance to adopt him asap if that's what you want!! Good luck - don't let him bully you.

itsmeolord Sat 17-Oct-09 11:46:11

Do you need the money though? If you alert the CSA and start chasing him will he retaliate by pushing harder for access out of spite?

I would ignore him. He hasn't paid maintenence for the past few years, there has been no contact for a prolonged period of time, your son is old enough I am assuming from the time scales in your op to have his view listened to.

If he did want to go through the court system he would get minimal access because of the above factors and the distance to travel. (ie letterbox contact only)
However, I doubt very much he would actually go that far, he hasn't been committed for the last 5 years, he still isn't paying his way, why would he bother with the court process?

Block him from facebook/email etc. Let him get a solicitor to write to you
If that happens you reply politely stating that as there has been such a long period of no contact at your exes request you do not agree to reinstating contact as you have serious doubts about his commitment and your son wishes to have no contact.

You could offer to send a copy of his school reports and some photos at christmas and around his birthday.

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