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Help needed cafcass report violent ex

(27 Posts)
RubyBelle Wed 30-Sep-09 12:54:29

Long story but ex took me to court after i stopped contact because his violence/drink/drug taking our son was 13 months
he then took me to court we had finding of fact proven guily of above he didnt turn up and his solicitor stopped rep him

2 years later he takes me back to court saying he was " depressed"
cafcass get involed and order a phy report drink and drug tests

just got report back today and they are so many holes in it

he admitted to cafcass being violent but not to the doctor conducting report he just said he is really laid back !

the doctor hasnt even questioned him about the time he broke in my home snatched our 6 week old son and passed out drunk so police had to gain entry i thought the report was to comment on the effect of his drinking on the safty of my son

dom violence has being completly played down due to his depression by cafcass but doctor says he isnt and doesnt suffer from depression he has being arrest 4 times from my home but again in report by the doctor he just says once!

im rep myself in court so not sure who to turn to i feel like noone is on my or my sons side and im worryed about this mans behaviour will have on my 3 year old

has anyone had any dealing with stuff like this sorry for the rant im just gutted

ive also found out that his legal funding is in questio because he has being working and not letting lsc know about it will this effect anything? i dont qualify for legal aid thats why i rep myself

if anyone has any help i really need it


CayPeag Wed 30-Sep-09 13:01:04

Have you talked to Womens Aid yet? Go to and find your closest place. They should be able to give you some more specific advice on how to handle this, and may be able to provide someone to support you in court.

If his legal funding is in question - good. He won't be able to afford a solicitor to harass you with.

Chin up. I'm sure morepeople will be along soon with good advice smile

Starbear Wed 30-Sep-09 13:05:23

I would really,really strongly suggest you get a solicitor. It worth getting in debt just to keep you and your child safe.
Sorry to be obvious have you tried Women's Aid for Advice.
What friends & family support are you getting? Draw up a list.

Starbear Wed 30-Sep-09 13:06:15


RubyBelle Wed 30-Sep-09 13:06:53

thankyou i tried ringing womens aid yesterday but it said that if i wasnt in danger to call back ill try now
thankyou so much its a really horrible thought worrying about my son like this

CayPeag Wed 30-Sep-09 13:09:04

Which number did you try? National or local? You might get more joy out of a local place if you can find it? Whereabouts in the country are you?

GypsyMoth Wed 30-Sep-09 13:10:17

i recently got my ex's report also. shocking stuff in there

was this a forensic psychiatric assesment? ours has gone on to recommend a full psychologist report at the end. but cafcass report along with childrens wishes,makes it impossible for him now to gain any access.

what did the end of report recommend next?

GypsyMoth Wed 30-Sep-09 13:12:00

out report also instantly ruled out any 'depression' at all. for years he's been pulling this line,getting pills from docs etc.

psychiatrist got to the bottom of it in this basically said what i'd been saying for years!

RubyBelle Wed 30-Sep-09 13:15:25

family and friends are amazing and really good at helping me come to terms with it all but with this report yesterday i feel like everything ive tried to do in the court case writing statements getting police report turning up has all being in vain as noone is listening to me

the cafcass officer has said i need to move on and not worry !! how can i not worry when i have seen 1st hand the awfulness of this man not to mention lack of comittment to my son

i have connected a solicitor but they said that the judges allways go with cafcass and that having one wouldnt really change the outcome he will get supervisied access for a short period and then unsupervised

does anyone know if i could move away with out his say so

i feel like i cannot escape this man or his control i just want my son to be happy and safe and he has shown too many times he isnt up to it

CayPeag Wed 30-Sep-09 13:18:15

Can you write to the officer's superior asking for his report to be reviewed in light of the missing information - which you would then detail, referring to police reports etc? And stating your fears for your son's safety if your ex has access?

RubyBelle Wed 30-Sep-09 13:29:13

I love tiff
how many time did the phy see your ex mine has only seen him once

the report recommends supervisied but only on the basic that he hasnt seen my son for over 2 years !! nothing about the fact he is a violent drunk the report also said that he has been banned again for drink driving some thing i bought up in my statement in my concerns but the doctor says he hasnt got a drink problem

he seems to have just asked him questions and taken his lies for fact

he says that my ex denines using violence as a way of expressiong anger but he does as he hit me weekly for 3 years which i thought he had admitted to the cafcass officer !!
not to mention a finding of fact or me friends statements of me with injurys such as black eyes broken rib whilst i was pregnant

again im at a loss when ever i speak to cafcass i end up feeling worst and silly for bring anything up with them

RubyBelle Wed 30-Sep-09 13:32:36

i going to write to cafcass this week i dont know what else to do

im in court early oct

but again im not sure about his funding with him withholding info from the legal services his ceft is susended i think but he missed an appt with his solicitor today so she must still be acting for him ?

GypsyMoth Wed 30-Sep-09 14:57:31

you can move anywhere within england you can go where you like,but within england. he could file a pso to stop you,but he'd need strong grounds,like schooling,which doesn't apply.

psych only see's them once,i understand it costas thousands for just that one report doing

judges don't always rule with what cafcass has said,but will do mainly.

now,if i were you i would push and push for supervised AND for him to be continuous with it.

do you think he's going to stick to turning up at a contact centre once a fortnight for a 2 hour session? push for it for a 6 month trial,before even considering unsupervised.

see if he sticks with this. many can't/won't

Starbear Wed 30-Sep-09 15:07:32

Rubybelle, We will listen. Keep on top of it and keep trying. Don't ever feel silly keep your cool. Turn up with a box of chocolates for people who are suppose to help anything to keep them helping you. It's their job but your life. If you don't understand something ask again and again. I would hate to think that your son comes to any harm because professionals are not helping you.

RubyBelle Tue 06-Oct-09 13:54:56

hi everyone just an update im still in court in oct but my ex has gone awol from the legal services his solicitor everyone who has tryed to contact him this is the 2nd time in 3 years he has started court proceddings and failed to turn up to finish them

has anyone any idea how many more times he can do this start and stopping it has caused me no end of worry and im allways going to wondering when he will start them next

any advise welcomed as im rep myself im going to ask the judge to put in a order to stop him doing it again is that possible ?


RubyBelle Tue 06-Oct-09 17:02:31

just found out his ceft is discharged tonight at 5 but his solicitor says he has an appt with him tomorrow

how is this possible has anyone any advise please im at my wits end

RubyBelle Wed 07-Oct-09 21:27:18

hi i got a copy of the report by cafcass today long story but it really pans me as a hostile mother, towards my ex and cafcass.

But i have complied with everything asked of me it seems because i have question the tests used by cafcass im hostile my ex however has once again gone awol leaving the office to interview his parents?

a lot of the report is about his parents and how they feel im a lyer and it rounds off with them saying they too want no contact with my son because of me!

they state that my ex has being missing for 2 weeks and they are worried about him once again he has failed my son with lack of comitment the officer has recommended no direct contact unless he can come up with a good reason for his absence for everyone

has anyone any advise as what to do next i really want another report as i feel it is allone sided in favour of my ex who has again failed my son

why do cafcass think that because i have justified concerns about my son's safety im being unreasionble?

please help if anyone has any legal knowlegde or experience of this

NanaNina Mon 19-Oct-09 18:22:23

Rubybelle - you won't get another report from CAFCASS and I'm sorry to say this but if you request one you will appear unreasonable. Neither can you ask the judge to stop your ex putting in requests in court for contact, so please don't try.

I'm not against you - I'm just trying to be honest. I am an independent social worker and ofte get involved in these cases, usually after CAFCASS have been involved. I really think you should be legally represented bya solicitor who is on the Children Panel and has expertise in this area of family law as many of them don't. Google for solcitors in your area on the Childrens Panel.

I think a lot of CAFCASS reports seem to come down on the side of the fathers and I have to say that judges often feel overy sympathetic to the father. If you are legally represented your lawyer can ask the court for a further independent report (this is how I get involved) but there will be cost implications for you if this is agreed by the court.

I think one of the important things is that the report (whilst criticising you) has also recommended no direct contact unless your ex can come up with a good reason for his absence for everyone. Sorry I can't qiote decipher the thing about himn going awol.

Just noticed date is 7th Oct so you may be further onnow.

RubyBelle Tue 20-Oct-09 11:58:03

hi nana nina
my ex turned up for court and said that he hasnt gone awol he has just moved house! and his phone has being broken he has contested the cafcass report and is taking it to a contested hearing before xmas

is moving home a valid reason for missing apps and why wont his parents know he had moved out! they clearly state in the report that he is missing so he must not of taken all clothes! also just because HIS phone is broken they are phone boxes!

cafcass are making an amendment to the original report do you think its likely that he will recommed supervisied on the excuse

i cant afford a solicitor it is out of the question but im very worried as i will have to ask my ex and cafcass questions i also need to file a statement about any futher contact between by son and my ex

all advise is really needed thankyou all xx

GypsyMoth Tue 20-Oct-09 12:05:25

actually you CAN ask your solicitor to apply to court for ex to stop making applications. section 19 or something,i will consider this with my ex who won't comply with people if they are female1


GypsyMoth Tue 20-Oct-09 12:06:33

oh,and you CAN have 2 cafcass reports also...i have, this is because due to ex messing around and time wasting,the situation had changed and an update would have been requested anyway.

NanaNina Tue 20-Oct-09 13:05:32

Rubybelle -there is clearly inconsistencty in what your ex is saying about whether he went AWOL or not as his parents clearly say he is "missing" which amounts to the same thing doesn't it. Parents who are not honest with the court and try to make excuses are seen in a dim light by judges so he is not doing himself any favours. The fact that he is contesting the CAFCASS report is also highly risky in my opinion but then these are things in your favour.

IloveBisc may well be right that there is a legal route to preventing further applications of this kind but there will almsot certainly be conditions attached which will need to apply before such an application can be made. This would need to be considered by a lawyer and I was just saying that it would not be right for you to just ask the judge yourself to stop your ex making applications as I'm afraid this coul dbe seen as you trying to be vindictive against your ex. I know it sounds unfair but there are a lot of cases where couples are just mud slinging and point scoring off each other. You sound very genuine and seem to have very good reason for concern about your ex.

And yes there is often a need for an updated CAFCASS report or addendum to the first report when circumstances have changed as is often the case, but I was trying to prevent you asking for another CAFCASS report because you didn't agree with the first one, which again could show you in a bad light.

Is there NO way you canget legal advice as this is what you desperately need. Have you looked into what it would cost. Are there any Law Centres in your area that could advise you as I think their costs are much lower. Someone on another thread talked of something called "Resolution" in cases like this and it sounded like a legal set up. I have asked for more info, but will try and find out for myself and come back to you.

As far as the new recommendation about contact is concerned,I'm sorry but I think there is a good chance the CAFCASS SW may accept your ex's excuse if he is plausible enough. The thing is CAFCASS SWS know that judges are very minded towards making contact orders in the favour of fathers and so they tend to recommend contact unless there are very very obvious reasons why this should not happen.

You may just have to resign yourself to the fact that there will be contact between your son and his father. Sorry I have forgotten the age of your son and did you say it has been 2 years since the father saw the child. If this is the case, then if contact is agreed it will almost certainly be at a contact centre initially. It must be stressed that the father is a stranger to the child and will need to learn to get to know the child and the child must feel safe in his company etc and all this is going to take time. All of these cases should be decided on the best interests of the child. In your statement I think I would advise that you concentrate on the NEEDs of your child in terms of getting to know his father and your concern for his safety given your ex's behaviour in the past, but try to slant it towards the fact that you are putting your child's needs first rather than slagging off your ex as courts get really irked about this.

There is a Handbook about contact which is fairly new and I can't just remember what it's called but I'll look it up and come back. I know all of this is anxiety provoking but try not to worry too much - sometimes father lose interest just as quicky as they start something like this!

NanaNina Tue 20-Oct-09 14:07:51

Rubybelle - The book I mentioned is called "Childrens Contact Handbook: An essential guide for women on the Law and Child Contact" It costs £6.00 and can be ordered on 020 7251 6575/6. I haven't actually seen the book myself so don't know the style it is written in but I would have thought it well worth having a look at it.

Also forgot to mention that you could try CAB for advice as they often have people who are knowledgeable about family law and it is of course free. Best to contact your local one and make an appt as they get very busy.

Be happy to help further if I can

NanaNina Tue 20-Oct-09 19:12:07

Rubybelle - you might try googling - a lot of useful info on family law, mediation etc.

NanaNina Tue 20-Oct-09 19:14:58

Sorry me again RB - I gather from someone posting on her under "babybarrister" that some of the lawyers on the Resolution site might do legal aid so it's worth looking into because you SO need a good lawyer.

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