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What do I do from here??(5 Posts)
Hi I hope this is the right section to post to !!
History : seperated from H for 3 years and have 2 children by H. With partner for 8 months and am now 6 week pregnant by partner.
Partner has now left and told me last week that he wants me to have a termination and if I do not wants no contact with the baby when it is born. He accepts that he will have a legal financial responsibility but insisted that I terminate and if not he wants no contact. He is 47 years old and has no children and no experience of children. I am 40 and very upset by all of this and feeling very worried and stressed and am concerned that all of this is going to cause a miscarriage.
I do not want to terminate and am very confused about the legalities with regard to birth registration - does his name have to go onto the birth certificate, does he have to be present to register the birth if his name is to go on it? If his name is on the baby's birth certificate will I be able to apply for a passport for the baby without a signature from him? If he changes his mind about contact, will he have rights over the baby - ie can he take the baby away for a day or overnight etc and if he can, can he do this from birth or does the baby need to be a certain age (ex partner lives 1 hour away and his family live 3 hours away) can I prevent him from taking my baby overnight or for hours on end? Can he just walk into the hospital and visit the baby when it is born?
I really would like some answers so that I can get my head around all of this and have been searching on the internet but cannot find any answers. Thanks
His name doesn't have to be on the birth certificate; if it is he will now automatically get parental responsibility, which doesn't really mean that much - it doesn't give him the power to veto your decisions or impose his own, but it would mean you have a duty to consult with him about important matters such as education, health, religion etc.
I think you can get a passport with just your signature, even if he is on the birth certificate, but I'm not 100% on that one; I suggest you ring the passport agency and check.
He doesn't have 'rights' over the baby but your baby and he both have a right to a family life under Article 8 of the European Convention of Human rights. therefore he could apply to the court for a contact order if you didn't agree to let him see the baby.
the courts will usually order contact as the presumption is that it is in the baby's best interests to know both parents. Contact is generally only refused if the parent seeking it can be proved to be a danger to the child, either emotionally or physically.
Every case is determined on its facts, but it is unusual for very young babies to spend long periods of time away from their primary carers, and if you are for eg breastfeeding I don't see how he could possibly have contact for more than an hour or so. Overnight contact is probably years away.
Its very early days at the moment; he might be in shock and saying things he regrets. Don't make any decisions, go and see a family lawyer for a chat, just to put your mind at rest. Get as much support from friends and family as you can.
Thank you so much spero for your advice - it has put my mind at rest a little - I cannot decide about the birth certificate thing and maybe will use his surname as a middle name so that at least the baby will have some identity link with his/her biological father even though he says he wants nothing to do with the baby. I think because I am so early on in the pregnancy, hormones are raging etc, I am thinking further ahead than I should and am worrying about things that I shouldn't be just yet !! I think I should just look forward to the 12-14 weeks when I have hopefully past the so called "high risk" period. Thanks once again.
Unfortunately he would have to be there with you when you register the babys birth for his name to be on the birth certificate. You cannot put his name down as the father if he is not there.
If he is not named on birth certificate he will not have parental responsibility but if he does decide to be named he will automatically have it
If he doens't get named he could in the future change his mind and decide he wants to be involved at which point you could both enter into a parental responsibility agreement if you are willing to do this. If not, he will have no option but to apply to Court for a Parental Responsibility order and Contact Order if he wants contact with the chid and you don't agree. Although he may well obtain a contact order (possibly superivsed depending on circumstances) it is unlikely the Judge would give him PR immediately. He would have to prove himself first.
Good luck x
mumoverseas thanks for replying - I don't think he will be there and don't really know if I want him to be to be honest - but I do need to think about my baby and not myself !! Thanks again
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