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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Whereabouts of ashes

18 replies

badgerread · 21/12/2020 11:57

My DC's DF sadly committed suicide 18 months ago. We divorced 8 years ago. He was living with a partner at the time and had been for 3 years. Relations were not good with her and us even before he died. However since he died they have got even worse. She went after his pensions immediately and was awarded at least half even though they weren't married and had no children. Anyway that matter in the hands of solicitors and the Ombudsman now. His parents have sided with her and have blamed me for what he did. We do not speak and they do not see the children (his parents choice, I have asked for an apology for the wicked things they have said about me, but they refuse to give one)

I have asked them where his ashes are so the children can visit when they choose to but they won't tell us even though we have asked the question directly many times. Does anyone know where we stand legally on this? the DC are 16 and 11, as they get older I'm sure they will want to know? I have arranged a memorial bench that they can go and visit but I don't think it's quite the same?

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prh47bridge · 21/12/2020 13:21

If he made a will and she is his executor, you and your children have no right to know what has happened to his ashes.

If they were married or in a civil partnership, you and your children have no right to know what has happened to his ashes.

If neither of the above is true your children may have the legal right to take possession of their father's ashes despite the fact that someone else arranged the cremation, but there are no direct English cases on this point.

MarieG10 · 21/12/2020 16:53

Did he not make provision for the children in his will? If not it may be open to challenge although probably too late now

badgerread · 21/12/2020 19:19

He died intestate, there was no will unfortunately.

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20questions · 21/12/2020 20:21

Go to the site below - usually good answers from knowledgeable people -
Money Saving Expert forums
Marriage, Relationships and Families section
Deaths, Funerals and Probate sub section

YesMeLady · 21/12/2020 20:25

do you know which area he was living in when he died, maybe you can find out where the Service was held, would that help?

badgerread · 22/12/2020 12:27

Thank you. I did call the crematorium but as it was his partner who arranged it she has the ashes, they did tell me they weren't buried anywhere at the crematorium though. I think she has probably got them at her house.

I just think the DC should either be allowed a share of them or to know where (if) they have been scattered?

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prh47bridge · 22/12/2020 13:01

As per my earlier post, if she was married to or in a civil partnership with your ex, you and your children have no rights. If she was not, however, you still have no rights, but your children may have the right to take possession of his ashes. You need to consult your solicitor.

badgerread · 22/12/2020 14:09

prh thank you. No they weren't married as per my original post, nor in a civil partnership. I will consult my solicitor on the DC's behalf.

I will also take a look at the forum mentioned earlier.

Thank you everyone.

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RedHelenB · 22/12/2020 15:57

Were they not given the chance to attend his funeral? If he died intestate any money must surely go to his children?

badgerread · 22/12/2020 19:59

Yes we all attended the funeral. I'm not sure how she did it re the pensions etc but they paid out to her and we're now disputing it..

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RedHelenB · 22/12/2020 22:52

Its possible he named her as his pension beneficiary.

badgerread · 23/12/2020 15:51

red no that's the frustrating thing. There were no names beneficiaries or nominees.

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badgerread · 23/12/2020 15:52

named

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RedHelenB · 23/12/2020 20:19

I'm surprised his pension just paid out, she could have been anyone.

badgerread · 23/12/2020 20:26

Having the original death certificate opens all sorts of doors apparently. She claimed financial dependency on him for herself and her four children whose father is still alive and paying maintenance. Yet our children didn't depend on him financially at all according to her. I've seen the Declaration (of Truth?) Form she filled in. There are blatant lies on there, hence it's in the hands of the Ombudsman.

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RedHelenB · 24/12/2020 06:10

That makes sense. If the children were living with him they are considered his family in monetary terms .

damnthatanxiety · 24/12/2020 06:49

@RedHelenB

That makes sense. If the children were living with him they are considered his family in monetary terms .

Really? Even if their father is paying maintenance?

RedHelenB · 24/12/2020 06:53

Yes. Benefits stop if you have children and move in with a partner who earns too much. Maintenance payments from their biological partner have no bearing on benefits.

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