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I'm living in a nightmare

(21 Posts)
Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 04:06:42

Sorry if this isnt posted in the correct topic I'm new & this is my first post if im not suppose to put it here then my apologies . here is my dilemma :

So basically I received a letter yesterday from hmrc about my tax credits award it says the following .should you continue claiming as a single person? our records show you claim as a single person & we are writing to ask if this information is still correct . If it is correct then you need to do nothing else ...

but the letter was quite threatening . Do I need to call them or shall I just do nothing as they suggested. Im a single parent of 2.. I'm just wondering if this is a generic letter and if they send them as standard or is it specific to me.

A little Back story I was living alone with my kids in full receipt of benefits I had a break down and my daughter went to live with her dad ( we separated 16 years ago while I was pregnant with my daughter) . Back to recent times so I had a metal break down & I was struggling to live alone and care for my remaining child he has autism and I wasnt mentally well . I ended up losing my house mostly due to my mental health and the house not been suitable for living in . A friend of my mums offered to put me up with my son until I could get back on my feet just a temporary situation until I found a new house and got a bit better ect: at the time I moved in he was dating his ex wife and she was also in his home a lot and I was desperate so I accepted they are an older couple in there 60s , since I moved in they have now separated and no longer on speaking terms.

Anyway i moved in and I'm getting support for my mental health issues from various agency's and getting back on track.. I now want to move out ... desperately. the situation has soured dramatically and is unbearable and I'm currently bidding on council homes so I can leave . when I originally moved in I immediately phoned and informed DWP of the situation that I had moved in with my mums friend as I had nowhere else to go and it was temporary. At first things were going well well infact that my daughter came back to live with me . Then this person fell out with his wife and started turning his attention towards me which if I'm honest disgusts me & hes making my life a living hell his advances are not welcome at all and hes quite nasty and has all these rules and knows I'm effectively homeless without his house so he uses this as leverage against me all the time and is unreasonable.

My support worker put me in touch with Engage leeds and they helped me contact the council and after a risk assesment they managed to get me down as a priority A on the housing list due to the circumstances and backdated the priority award, I bid each week religiously. I'm financially independent of this person we are not a couple he doesn't help me financially or anything like that . Hes just a sad petty man with issues . I have made various agency's aware of the ongoing situation so i have proof of my situation from my support workers etc but could this be the reason hmrc have sent me this letter and if so where do I stand ? I'm just a single mum and desperate to get out of here .

I gave tax credits / hmrc this address immediately at the time I moved in and also informed dwp and told them who lived here etc and the circumstances of how I arrived here and ive now been here 18+ months no issue with dwp or hmrc until this letter from hmrc asking if I'm still single , do I need to be worried or do you think the letter is standard.. how would they view this situation, the council have classed me as vulnerable and are aware of the situation so surely hmrc cant class this man as my partner I hate him hes horrid .. I have not gone into all the negative details regarding this situation and how bad it is but I'm so unhappy here and would leave now if I could . Where do I stand with hmrc

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flapjackfairy Mon 23-Nov-20 04:17:36

I have no idea on the legal side but just wanted to say that it sounds like a v tough time and i am sorry you have had to cope with such a lot. I really hope things get better for you moving forward.
You seem to have done everything right and have evidenced the changes and the situation clearly. Your support worker can also provide evidence for you so I don't see how you can be in any sort of trouble over this. Please try not to worry. Just reply honestly reiterating the situation and I hope you get a new home soon so you can move on with your children. . Best wishes x

lljkk Mon 23-Nov-20 04:17:55

It's 4:15am & I need to go to sleep & I can't follow your story, but...

The letter is standard.
Have you lived in a residence where you were the only adult there for last 12-18 months?
If only adult, then no worries.
If not only adult then you need to list the dates in last 18m when another adult lived with you to start figuring this out.

Thack Mon 23-Nov-20 04:29:33

OP, I get the vibe that you've over analysed the letter (I'm always guilty of this sort of thing!).

It sounds standard. I'm not surprised the letter has an 'off'/threatening tone: there are so many fraudsters so it needs to sound serious to scare the guilty. Unfortunately it scares the innocent such as yourself too!

Call them if it helps get the worry out of your head, I think you are OK all the same.

keepitclean1980 Mon 23-Nov-20 04:56:17

You are not in a relationship with this man and therefore you have done nothing wrong, you are a separate 'household' in regards to finances and tax credits.

For example, a single mum and her baby could move in with her parents. For tax credits, she would claim on her own earnings not those of her parents as well, just because she was living with them. If a boyfriend then came to live with her at the parent's house, she would need to inform HMRC of the change of single status.

You are not in a relationship with this man, therefore you are still single and are ok to claim as such. I believe that when you get one of these letters, there's a number you can call. I would prepare the bullet points of your situation and give them a call today to put your mind at rest.

I think this letter is pretty standard, especially when there has been a change such as an address change.

Best of luck OP and try not to worry. flowers

mathanxiety Mon 23-Nov-20 05:47:24

You are a separate household under a shared roof.

Your finances are separate. He does not support you financially.

But the letter says our records show you claim as a single person & we are writing to ask if this information is still correct . If it is correct then you need to do nothing else so I would do exactly that - do nothing.

Hopefully you will be able to move away from this horrible man soon, and at that point you will update HMRC with your new address.

If you are a victim of sexual harassment or coercive control in this house (and it sounds as if you are) please, please call Women's Aid.
The national DV hotline number is 0808 2000 247. Leave a message stating a good time for them to call you back.

Luciferthecat666 Mon 23-Nov-20 06:26:54

Aww OP I'm so sorry for the shit you're going through. The letter does sound like a standard letter but if you want to put your mind at rest why not give them a call and speak to them and make it clear you are claiming as a single person. As for the guy who seems to be making your life difficult I'd keep a record of anything he does and report it to your support workers maybe they could find you a temporary place if his behaviour continues or gets worse and when you do get a place do not give him your new address to forward any mail he sounds like an utter creep!!

slipperywhensparticus Mon 23-Nov-20 06:42:21

Yes its a bog standard letter

Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 08:43:07

Thanks for replying , I was little unsure of how hmrc would view it as after getting the letter I looked it up on line and ended up reading some horror storys about unfair outcomes or wrongly accused single mums who had to jump through hoops to prove themselves and had no income while it was sorted out. I went down a rabbit hole and got myself stressed. I wasnt then sure wether to just call them or not or just do as the letter says . I did get some support from a couple of places a while back and i got priority on the housing I'm just bidding atm but covid hasn't helped . I was offered a refuge at one point but I'm not sure how that environment would work with my son and the thought of it is pretty scarey tbh . I might have to reconsider if the current situation carrys on as something has got to give I feel like I'm living in a pressure cooker walking on egg shells all the time.

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Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 08:45:45

Thank you really appreciate the reply . Xx

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Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 08:48:45

thanks I've been here around 18 months now & I've been priority on the housing for around 12 of those months so the letter just felt a little out of the blue as I've been stuck here a while x

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Dinnaehinksae Mon 23-Nov-20 08:49:01

Just as a bit of reassurance op, I got the same letter the other day but honestly just binned it. I'm a single parent claiming as such and know for certain there is no case for anyone to doubt it at all. It seems its just something they send out from time to time and nothing to worry about.

SanFranBear Mon 23-Nov-20 08:52:27

Just to put your mind at rest, I got the same letter last week and I am very much single.. like you, bit worried but then thought - but I am single so really don't have anything to worry about!

Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 08:58:44

Hi thanks It's not my house and I informed them of the move when i first moved in here. one of the first things I did was inform benefits of the situation over 18 months ago. Xx

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Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 09:09:07

Thanks your probably right and my anxiety has probably blown it up too as I tend to get fixated and worry .

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Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 09:18:27

True .it was the storys on line that got me worried like peoples money been stopped until they are satisfied you are single etc and what do they decide is a partner .. a man and a woman living in the same house regardless of situation. Idk how they view these things.. I must say I do feel a bit better about it today though and I am more than likely worrying for no reason .I'm fortunate that my troubles have been documented for a while now Or not fortunate wich ever way you look at it .x

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Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 09:25:45

Thanks for the advice . Definitely not lol once I'm out of here I will not be looking back . Crazy thing is he was so nice before I moved in and he genuinely seemed to be a decent person who genuinely wanted to help me out but obviously i didn't know him as well as i thought i did and true colours soon shown themselves. I made a mistake moving in here but I was so low at the time and really needed somewhere . I thought this was going to be a positive experience but its a friendly face thats turned into the complete opposite. Xx

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MillyA Mon 23-Nov-20 09:26:33

Very bog standard letter OP. I'm in several Facebook groups where women have posted similar to you, worried about the same letter.

As you can see there are many people receiving them and it's nothing to worry about.

Rae36 Mon 23-Nov-20 09:32:43

I hope a house comes along soon op, sounds like a horrible living situation

MillyA Mon 23-Nov-20 09:33:32


Thanks for the advice . Definitely not lol once I'm out of here I will not be looking back . Crazy thing is he was so nice before I moved in and he genuinely seemed to be a decent person who genuinely wanted to help me out but obviously i didn't know him as well as i thought i did and true colours soon shown themselves. I made a mistake moving in here but I was so low at the time and really needed somewhere . I thought this was going to be a positive experience but its a friendly face thats turned into the complete opposite. Xx

I was in a very similar position years ago when I was 17, I had to give up my flat (abusive partner) and my older friend gave me a place to stay with him. Everything was fine for a month or so until he started making advances and took offence when I didn't reciprocate, he made staying there unbearable.

I hope you get a new home soon x

Nicole2121 Mon 23-Nov-20 12:38:39

@MillyA thanks I'm bidding but its a slow process. I find myself agreeing with anything he says just to keep the peace to avoid confrontation with him , hes so passive aggressive and it ends up with him banging and shouting and slamming stuff but I feel like I can't say anything or have any opinion different to his as I'm living in his house and his reactions are just so out of proportion he snaps off at the slightest thing so I just keep the peace as much as I can biding my time until I can leave .I use to be so outgoing and not afraid to speak my mind and now I feel like that person has gone I dont even recognize myself anymore . I just keep trying to focus on the day I will be out of here and in my own home but in the meantime I'm slowly going insane. Last thing I want is hmrc breathing down my neck about this man when I just want to be rid of him and this whole situation. They put something on the letter about a joint claim ( it was just in the list of generic information if applicable etc: ) I couldn't think of anything worse I don't want to be tied to this person in anyway shape or form. If it comes to it I'd rather go to the womens refuge Than get tied up financially with this person

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