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(44 Posts)
Baby2019x Thu 17-Sep-20 18:52:55

Hi,
I've barely slept nor eaten in the last 2 weeks due to this.
To cut it short, I have a very controlling ex partner. I moved out as I saw he had done coke infront of our baby. He was seeing our daughter for about 2 hours a week, once or twice a week. We were still having sex, which he insisted was to be unprotected.
I found out he had been sleeping with someone that he had been talking to behind my back, whilst I was still living with him and pregnant with our baby. He also told this new girl that our baby wasn't his, just his brothers kid. So I obvs lost it, I stupidly put a post on Facebook. I messaged a few of his work friends just telling that what had happened and whatever he had said to slag them off. He is now being disciplined in work an I'm under caution for malicious communication as someone has threatened him, which I'm not100% sure who it is. I deleted the post and deleted Facebook about 2 days after I posted it.
He doesn't want anything to do with our daughter. He had me fired from work when I was pregnant as he kept locking me in the house, he turned his family away from me and stopped my family and friends from seeing me. I've lost everyone, I only have my mum, I have no friends or work due to him. His brother has threatened to petrol bomb my house, where my baby is.
I apologised and admitted to everything to the police.
I'm not really sure what it is I'm meant to do now, or what will happen now. I'm so scared I'm going to get my baby taken away from me.

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 19:59:33

Sorry I should add, if it’s someone else that person will also be interviewed to see if you’re behind it. If you’re not linked to that person then they are in the chair for it. Not you. Don’t worry.

Baby2019x Thu 17-Sep-20 20:00:16

To smash his car and house windows. I think the person who messaged him was my friend, who messaged him via a fake Facebook account on the night that I found all this out. An account she used to try and catch her boyfriend out on cheating on her.
I could be wrong, they didn't really tell me any names.
I obvs didn't tell her to send any of the messages. But no doubt she did it in my house, so it will still be me who gets the blame for it, right ?
I don't really have any friends, just one girl I've known since primary school. I don't really want to grass her up and get into trouble.
I'm hoping it's just someone else who's seen the post and has messaged him

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 20:08:18

Op, were you like this with the police. Can you see the holes in the story?read it back, can you see it?

Likely I imagine they will give you a caution, if you don’t accept it court and a fine. I can’t imagine custodial for this.

A caution, if you accept it, is an admission of guilt and will form a criminal record for you. It could show up in criminal record checks when applying for jobs.

FelicityPike Thu 17-Sep-20 20:10:06

You know that that’s technically rape, don’t you?

AntiHop Thu 17-Sep-20 20:15:38

I'm so sorry op, that's rape. I am so pleased that you are no longer with him. You definitely need to contact women's aid.

I am very sure that you won't go to prison for those Facebook messages.

Baby2019x Thu 17-Sep-20 20:15:49

I know it seems like a weird story.
I acted stupid because of everything he had done to me & then to top it off he told this girl the baby wasn't his.
I'll just accept whatever they give me and hope I get fined & not put into prison

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 20:19:06

You won’t go to prison for this op, don’t worry. The prisons are full enough without them adding someone who did something stupid like this.

And yes, it’s rape op. 💐

Baby2019x Thu 17-Sep-20 20:20:25

Which ? Him having sex with me while I was asleep ? He would get me to do like stuff to him when he was off his face and get quite angry if I didn't, and he also did stuff I didn't like, but didn't stop

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 20:22:16

Yes sex when you’re asleep is rape as you cannot consent. It is also rape if you say no and he doesn’t stop. There is also some sexual coercion which is also a crime in there ,in the other things he did to you.

Baby2019x Thu 17-Sep-20 20:24:37

Right okay, should I bring this up when I next speak to the police?

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 20:28:05

Yeah I thought you were going to go there

The issue here is op, it can be argued it’s more malicious communication, he is clearly not going to admit it, he will say you’re lying, using it as reason to justify yout behaviour, and say you won’t stop with the malicious communications.

Honestly? I think all rape should be reported, and relationships ended immediately but you’re in a difficult spot right now. Because this is your word against his, and you’re only now saying it when you’re in the shit over the threats.

Baby2019x Thu 17-Sep-20 20:32:11

Tbh, I've not told the police a lot of stuff that's happened, as his brother isn't very nice and he will have me attacked or seriously hurt. I won't bring anything up, I'm just hoping that whatever happens, that will be the end of that & he can just be civil.
Just forget everything and move on

OP’s posts: |
namechanger0989 Thu 17-Sep-20 20:48:15

I'm pretty sure that because it is domestic as you are in a relationship (or were) it has to go to cps for a decision as to whether you will be charged or not. The officer can not make that decision.

Justasecondnow Thu 17-Sep-20 21:14:48

You will not in a 1000 years go to prison for this - look at sentencing guidelines. Fine at worst. Assuming they even charge you.

www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/magistrates-court/item/communication-network-offences-revised-2017/

Also I am not anti police by any stretch but would never be interviewed by them without a solicitor present. Really proper legal advice before you even accept a caution is best. But I don’t know the ins and outs of what legal aid your entitled to - and without that solicitor fees add up. I’d still call a solicitor though and see what’s what - fees, legal aid, and hopefully where you stand.

I’d also second contacting women’s aid. flowers

FelicityPike Thu 17-Sep-20 21:20:36

Once this is all over with the police, can you move? As far away as you can.

Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 21:54:53

namechanger0989

I'm pretty sure that because it is domestic as you are in a relationship (or were) it has to go to cps for a decision as to whether you will be charged or not. The officer can not make that decision.

Its not at that level yet I don’t think. I’m fairly sure she’s been released under investigation.

Which is they suspect she has committed a crime but don’t have the evidence to charge, but they aren’t willing to drop it, which indicates it’s quite serious and they are willing to burn some hours on it.

So they have released her and are investigating it further, and will then come back to her, either to say no further action, charge her, or interview her further.

If they find evidence to charge it would go to the cps before they come back to the op and then it would be charge/summons to court. If they don’t it would be no further action.

I don’t think they can do a caution because she’s saying she is not guilty. But I don’t think you can actually get a caution for this . I don’t think it’s an option for them. I genuinely don’t know. Some crimes it’s not an option for. Someone more knowledgeable would need to say.

However they didn’t release her with no further action, which they had the option of. So they are continuing with the investigation and suspect the op of committing a crime..

This won’t be custodial unless there is more to it, it’s likely a fine or maybe community service worst case, if the op did do it. If there is nothing there then it’s likely she will be told no further action.

Lineofconcepcion Thu 17-Sep-20 22:04:31

Op you need to speak to a legal advisor. This man has raped you. Removing a condom without your knowledge then penetrating you is rape. You did not consent on those occasions. Penetrating you whilst you are asleep is rape.
Please pick up the phone and contact a legal aid solicitor. You need good advice as to how to get out of this situation.

You also need legal advice about him seeing your child. Doing coke in front of a baby is dangerous and his behaviour won't get any better.

You are being threatened and you need advice about this as well.

You don't want your child growing up thinking any of this behaviour is normal do you? If he cannot behave at least you can by seeking help now.

Lineofconcepcion Thu 17-Sep-20 22:07:12

You need a solicitor specialising in criminal law. There are so many mitigating circumstances in this, a good solicitor really will help so much.

RedHelenB Thu 17-Sep-20 23:48:55

Definitely stop all communication and ring Womens Aid for advice.

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