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Child arrangements order

(6 Posts)
jpgg Mon 21-Oct-19 13:59:43

Hi everyone,

I separated from my partner 7 years ago as he was abusive (physically and emotionally) and we had 2 kids together (2 yr old and 1 yr old). He is also an alcoholic and a narcissist.

He took me to court claiming I kidnapped his children and he lost the case, I was given residence orders and he could only see them through supervised contact for 1 hour every week and he did not turn up many times.

When it came to the review hearing of court, the judge discharged the order of having supervised contact for the following:

-Paragraph X of the Order xx xx xxxx is discharged and the first respondent (me) shall make X and X available to spend time with the applicant (him) on such dates and at such times as shall be agreed between them.

Now, even though every time they would go with him I was worried sick about them, I never refused him to have contact with them (even when kids didn't want to go because he had shouted or argued with new partner in front of them) but last October, they went over to his place and he got really drunk, physically fighting his older daughter and kicked them all out of the house.
It is not the first time my children have been witnesses of such behaviour but they were very affected this time, especially my daughter, even to this day.

We didn't hear from him for 3 months and in February he started again asking for contact (he messages me constantly and is abusive via WhatsApp, he also calls me non-stop) which I allowed because I thought I was doing it for the wellbeing of my children but after 3 visits, I stopped contact because I could tell that my kids, mainly my daughter, had been suffering emotional abuse from him during these visits:

-My daughter suddenly was desperately wanting to see him (when she had never wanted to before).
-My daughter was saying she loved her daddy because he had given life to her or sentences along these lines, which an 8-year-old would not say.

For some reason, we didn't hear from him again until August. I said to him he was not seeing them without supervision and he refused to pay for this (I didn't even say how much it was going to be).
Now he has come back saying he'll do it and that "soon we will be free from you".

I'm worried he is going to take me to court again to get some kind of custody and I'm terrified. The kids do not miss him, they do not say they want to see him, they are happy and he has never been involved in anything (school, maintenance...).

I wonder if I'm breaking the court arrangement set by the judge by not letting him see them?
If he takes me to court, can he win? It was made very clear in court he was not capable of being a father and he hasn't changed.

Thank you.

prh47bridge Mon 21-Oct-19 14:17:25

Yes, it sounds like you are breaking the existing court order by blocking contact. You should consider returning to court yourself and asking for the order to be varied.

It is unlikely he would be able to get an order saying that the children lived with him rather than you.

IDontBelieveYou Mon 21-Oct-19 17:42:30

What a shockingly poor order. Did you have a solicitor or barrister with you when that order was made?

swingofthings Mon 21-Oct-19 18:29:54

Don't assume that your kids are not missing him. I missed my dad dreadfully when my mum and I moved miles away so I could only see him once a month when I was 8yo. I never mentioned it to my mum though, I just felt there was no point, and even though I was happy in myself, I still cried often at night because I so wish I could share more of my life with him.

Thankfully, my mum was a great woman and decided to contact SS for them to come and talk to me and thinking the man was just a distant family member, I opened up saying that I missed my dad. This prompted my mum to work out a different arrangement for visitation and 3 years later, we moved back closer to my dad (for other reasons but this contributed).

There are clearly reasons that he was only granted supervised visits, but please don't assume your kids are happier having nothing to do with him.

Starlight456 Mon 21-Oct-19 18:48:36

I also think you need legal advice here. I hope some of what is documented somewhere with a HP, school because otherwise these become your word against his .

MrsBertBibby Tue 22-Oct-19 06:22:53

I don't see that you are in breach of the order. The order left contact completely up to you. Contact "on such dates and at such times as shall be agreed" is totally unenforceable. You clearly don't agree contact and therefore there is so requirement that they go. It is him that needs to apply to court, not you. But I think you should get proper advice.

Were you represented at that hearing?

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