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Mother In Law - can I take action?

(20 Posts)
Rookie90 Mon 21-Oct-19 13:26:10

Myself and my husband (father of my children) are still married. Happily. We share two children.

For years his mother has been a problem. But, Unfortunately early this year, my father in law died and since my mother in law has amped up her harrassment, guilt trips and out right manipulation.

I have kept a log, with evidence of all of this since Sept 2018, and something has happened recently that I would like to take action against.

By this, I mean I would like to inforce something where as she can not see my children.

I would like to know my rights/her rights with regards to this, the only things I can find is if I’m divorced. Which I’m not.

Any help is appreciated

Thank you.

Harriett123 Mon 21-Oct-19 13:32:51

A friend of mine looked into this due to issues with her own mother.
A grandparent can legally apply to court for parental responsibility and therefore visitation rights. However the court will only tend to allow this if there has been substation maintained visitation throught the childs life. For example periods where the child lived with the grandparent. Sunday lunches and even babysitting a day or 2 a week will not count as this.
As the childs primary careers you simply need to say no you are not seeing our children anymore and other than an attempt to take you to court there is little to nothing she can do.
Keep all the proof of harassment and manipulation on the off chance she does try this route.
Your husband does have parental responsibility so you are legally unable to dictate what he does with the child unless there is a welfare issue. If he brings the kids to her or meets her with the kids you have no legal standing to stop this.

LongtimeLurker29 Mon 21-Oct-19 14:07:28

A grandparent first has to apply for permission to be able to go to court. If you have evidence that you have received abuse etc, then you can bet any money that they won't get permission to apply in the first place.

If you receive any letters from solicitors regarding a court application, don't waste money getting another solicitor to reply to them. Write your own letter back stating that you have evidence of the abuse and are more than happy to show this in court. If the solicitor has any sense they won't let their client waste any more money.

Collaborate Mon 21-Oct-19 14:07:56

A grandparent can legally apply to court for parental responsibility Wrong. Nothing can be further from the truth.

substation maintained visitation What does this even mean?

For example periods where the child lived with the grandparent. Sunday lunches and even babysitting a day or 2 a week will not count as this. Grandparents can apply for permission to apply for a child arrangements order, whereupon the court may grant them some "contact". If your post is saying that weekly or twice weekly visits isn't enough to get a grandparent that permission then you're wrong.

As the childs primary careers you simply need to say no you are not seeing our children anymore and other than an attempt to take you to court there is little to nothing she can do. This is appallingly wrong.

This is why people need a law degree, then a year post graduate qualification followed by two years on the job training before they can call themselves a solicitor and dispense legal advice.

MarieG10 Wed 23-Oct-19 15:32:43

@Rookie90 she has no rights at all in these circumstances. It might be different if for example parents were not available or were unfit etc.

ElsieMc Fri 25-Oct-19 16:22:10

I am a grandparent carer who was asked by social services to apply to the courts for what was then a residence order my first grandson. This was by agreement between the parties. With the second child, it was contentious. Our dd tried to argue through legal representation that we should be denied the right to have permission to apply for contact when she left our home with him.

The Judge stated that as the child involved had lived with us for 18 months, then it was rather odd that contact in any form should be denied or suddenly be unacceptable and granted our application. He also put in place contact until the final hearing.

Both boys were placed with us by the courts. It was not something we ever wanted nor intended for our family but we had no choice. It is not a decision I regret.

I would avoid any legal action op. There are no winners and losers in the family courts just a whole load of stress and misery as both sides become entrenched in their viewpoint. Please heed the legal advice from Collaborate and also listen to the human side from my post. Grandparents can and do achieve contact.

XXcstatic Fri 25-Oct-19 16:25:46

What does your DH want?

MorrisZapp Fri 25-Oct-19 16:28:45

You're happily married but want to bring a lawsuit against your husbands mother?

I don't get it. Just don't take your kids to her house. If she phones to complain, don't answer. Is your husband on board with this?

Passthecherrycoke Fri 25-Oct-19 16:32:34

I don’t see why you have to go to court- surely you just stop allowing her to see the children and defend yourself if she decides to take legal action

I guess the only thing that matters is whether your husband is going to be on the same page as you?

XXcstatic Fri 25-Oct-19 16:42:35

You're happily married

Not for much longer, I imagine: "Could you pick up some milk, Darling? Oh, and by the way, I've just taken an injunction out against your DM".

Still, it'll make a change from arguing about Brexit over Christmas dinner..

Seriously, OP, if you are being harassed to the point of needing the law to intervene, and you & your DH are on the same page about this, you need to speak to the police. If not, think carefully because you are about to drop a bomb into your happy marriage.

Beveren Fri 25-Oct-19 16:59:52

Much of this depends on your husband's views. If he wants to take the children to see his mother, you wouldn't be able to stop him unless you had very strong evidence that she would actively harm or abuse the children.

Rookie90 Fri 01-Nov-19 08:15:06

For the record, my husband very much agrees with me. There is no talking or reasoning with this woman.
Since posting a lot more has happened.

Would I be within my right to go to a solicitor to keep her away from my children?

Apolloanddaphne Fri 01-Nov-19 08:29:51

What sort of things has she done? Does she pose a danger to the children? Would she turn up at your door making threats if you kept the children away from her?

Passthecherrycoke Fri 01-Nov-19 08:32:03

Rookie why can’t you and your husband keep her away?

You are looking a restraining order but you’ll need to articulate why that’s needed as opposed to you telling her to go away

saraclara Fri 01-Nov-19 08:37:28

I think that without knowing what she's doing, no-one can advise you.

Grannybags Fri 01-Nov-19 08:37:50

If your DH agrees with you then I don’t see why you need a solicitor. Just cut off contact with her. You would only need legal help if she started harassing you after that.

Loopytiles Fri 01-Nov-19 08:39:47

No legal action needed, you and your H agree, so just don’t allow contact.

Pandainmyporridge Fri 01-Nov-19 08:43:03

Guilt trips from a recently bereaved gran? Why are you troubling the courts with this?
Obviously if she is endangering you that is different.

RolyHappyNorrieTagBetty Fri 01-Nov-19 08:52:33

Why do you need a solicitor? Just don't take the children round to see her, and don't let her into your house. You don't need a lawyer to do that.

Curlyeyelash Fri 01-Nov-19 09:00:26

May I ask what your husbands mother does that's making you feel this way?

Is she violent?

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