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Asking husband to leave

(11 Posts)
changeisafoot Sun 13-Oct-19 07:58:52

I have asked my husband to leave our home; his behaviour has been such that over the last 18 months it has affected our children, particularly our DS11 who put his fist through a window yesterday after being screamed at by my DH.

DH hasn't worked for 4 years, has no income or savings.

The house in our joint names but I paid for it in its entirety and have paid of the bills.

I first asked him to leave 7/8 weeks ago and he just isn't moving. I've offered to pay for 6 months on a rental property and he says he doesn't want my money (which is farcical given that his phone, car, the food in our fridge, clothes on his back etc are all paid for my me).

Another excuse for not moving out has been that he's looking for a job. He got offered one last week but says he's not taking it because the money's not good enough confused

I need to him to leave, desperately. He loses his temper daily. Usually at me but increasingly regularly at our DS (we have 3 DDs too). He is permanently miserable, verbally aggressive, slams doors etc. Drinks too much.

How do I get him out?

OP’s posts: |
Shmithecat2 Sun 13-Oct-19 08:00:34

Do you report the aggressive behaviour to the police?

changeisafoot Sun 13-Oct-19 08:22:51

No, I threatened to when he threw something at me but the children were all here and I didn't want them to witness the fall out from that.

The behaviour is mostly verbal, he pushes past me, deliberately slams doors in my face etc. I don't think the police would be interested.

OP’s posts: |
Troels Sun 13-Oct-19 08:44:50

The kids are already seeing the brunt of it, just call the police on him next time.

changeisafoot Sun 13-Oct-19 08:53:51

I will and he knows it, so I doubt he'll do it again. The low level stuff will continue though.

OP’s posts: |
OhioOhioOhio Sun 13-Oct-19 08:58:17

You need s court order. And for that you need the police behind you.

quincejamplease Sun 13-Oct-19 09:02:34

The police would be interested because coercive control (what he is doing) is a criminal offence.

Which means it's irrelevant whether or not he lays a hand on you, he's still engaging in abusive behaviour (coercive control) that he can be arrested and imprisoned for if convicted.

If it's an emergency and you feel in danger call 999 - even if he an an hit you but you feel unsafe.

Otherwise call 101 and tell them you need to report coercive control. Use those words, it will help them understand.

You can also speak to Women's Aid: 0808 200 247

And the Freedom Programme:

quincejamplease Sun 13-Oct-19 09:02:58

Damn. 0808 2000 247

changeisafoot Sun 13-Oct-19 11:01:51

Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
johnd2 Sun 13-Oct-19 12:08:47

Yes coercive control is a crime now so that's great advice from quincejam above. Hope you can get help with this and a good resolution.

madcatsazz Sun 13-Oct-19 12:23:12

Also, stop paying for his phone, car etc. Unless he is contributing to the household in some way? Why leave when you are paying for his comfortable life? Sorry you're going through this

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