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Will - Legal Guardian not a relative

(20 Posts)
2Cats2Rabbits Sat 12-Oct-19 19:38:59

Just doing a will - children are 12 and 13 and also have husband. In the will it asks us to name a legal guardian if we die pre their 18th birthday.

The issue we have is DHs family are all abroad and the children do not speak their language well enough and would be very detrimental to their education to go there but would otherwise be well looked after. My mother has been physically abusive to both me and my DS leaving him with bruises for 3 weeks. After that I've been no contact though as I didn't get police involved it's my word against hers, he was too young to remember. I do not want to name my parents or my 2 siblings as they will give my mother access.

If I name a friend instead is there anyway I can make it clear I don't want the children to my parents? I did report it once to doctors but so many of my records have been lost I wouldn't bank on anything being recorded. The friend would live locally so children could stay at same school etc.

I've also recently completely blocked access to my mother. I was talking by e-mail but she started hassling me more and more and trying to contact me via others, phone, e-mails to children and so I've cut off completely. Always been too scared to do this before and don't know what she will do now. She doesn't know my current address or phone and I've blocked e-mails.

Thanks for any help.

OP’s posts: |
user1474894224 Sat 12-Oct-19 19:41:07

You just agree with a friend what you want to happen and then put that in the will. That's the point of the will. No need to mention to anyone else. Hopefully this will never be needed. (But it's important you do it just in case.)

2Cats2Rabbits Sat 12-Oct-19 19:41:19

Mother has always claimed he bruised himself but I believe him and she had hit me in past.

OP’s posts: |
BritInUS1 Sat 12-Oct-19 19:41:29

Has your friend agreed that they would be willing to step up in that situation?

FunOnTheBeach20 Sat 12-Oct-19 19:42:29

This is why it’s important to get a solicitor to help with your will. If this is an over the counter job, consult a solicitor. If you are doing this via a solicitor, ask them this question.

JontyDoggle37 Sat 12-Oct-19 19:42:32

Both of our named legal guardians are not relatives, it’s fine. You can also make a request In the will that your mother is not to be notified or given access to your children - it won’t be binding, but it will make very clear what your wishes are, in writing.

2Cats2Rabbits Sat 12-Oct-19 19:47:32

Yes hopefully it will not happen. Would be very surprised if we both die before then. I've had a stroke so not guaranteed for me though still less likely but DH has no health issues.

OP’s posts: |
2Cats2Rabbits Sat 12-Oct-19 19:51:12

Thanks very much - I was thinking of using Co-op Legal Services who phone you so can discuss with them, just trying to think of all possible issues before the call. I haven't discussed with friends yet but have discussed vaguely in the past and said we would for each other.

OP’s posts: |
AutumnRose1 Sat 12-Oct-19 20:05:44

definitely double check with your friends

I had someone try to name me as an executor and legal guardian because she was "sure" I would do it. Answer - no way. I don't know what part of "childfree" she hadn't understood.

I know you say you discussed it vaguely but you don't know what might have changed. I had never told my friend I'm on lifelong meds, for example.

re the wording, the solicitor would tell you but it probably is good to put it in writing that you don't want them with your mum.

BubblesBuddy Sun 13-Oct-19 09:56:00

We have just made a will and I preferred to discuss it face to face with a solicitor. Not over the phone. It’s an important document and you must ask your friend if you wish to involve them. You must also find an executor. You must ask your chosen person if they are ok with this. It’s nothing to do with looking after DC, it’s admin of the estate and carrying out your wishes.

In your case I might do the Lasting Power of Attorney as well. Just in case you cannot make your own decisions in future.

OnGoldenPond Sun 10-Nov-19 20:09:35

I wouldn't do LPA through a solicitor, it is very easy to do it yourself online through the . Gov website.

Recently did DM's, very quick and easy with step by step guidance and saved a few hundred in solicitors fees.

Would agree with going to proper solicitor face to face for wills, though. That is much easier to get wrong.

RedHelenB Wed 13-Nov-19 17:08:06

Do your children have close contact with this friend now?

Redwinestillfine Wed 13-Nov-19 17:16:06

Can't you stipulate in the will ' under no circumstances is DM allowed access due to past incidents of abuse'?

totallyradllama Wed 13-Nov-19 17:18:02

I thought I named the guardian whom they would go to live with (a relative in our case) and also a couple of additional guardians I trust to look after their interests (my friends in our case).

But I could be remembering wrongly. Maybe find out if you could name the overseas relatives as guardians to have a say but not to live with? And explain your reasons to them? I did it all DIY as mine was simple but I remember there being guidance in the pack. Ask the solicitor doing it for you what the options are?

user1497207191 Wed 13-Nov-19 17:23:26

We have just made a will and I preferred to discuss it face to face with a solicitor.

Definitely the best thing if you worry about future challenges/disputes, etc. Not only can the solicitor give proper advice and get the wording right, there'll also be file notes as to your reasons, a summary of the meeting/discussion, etc., which can be used in any future court case/challenge. I've been involved (as an accountant) in a couple of contested will cases and in both cases, the afidavit from the solicitor confirming the actual discussions, file notes and reasoning behind what was provided for in the will were found to be compelling evidence which got the challenges thrown out!

user1497207191 Wed 13-Nov-19 17:25:58

I wouldn't do LPA through a solicitor, it is very easy to do it yourself online through the . Gov website.

Trouble is you don't know if it will be valid or whether it would be contested until the time comes to activate it. I'm a qualified accountant with 35 years of experience but still won't "do it yourself" for really important things like that!

OnGoldenPond Wed 13-Nov-19 19:29:52


Why do you think it would not be valid?

I followed all processes on the government website, the LPA is now approved and registered by the Office of the Public Guardian. I have all the documentation to prove it. It is exactly the same process that solicitors follow, they just charge a lot for it!

OnGoldenPond Wed 13-Nov-19 19:35:51

@user1497207191 and I am also a chartered accountant, with 32 years experience in my case.

So I am well aware that quite a few tasks which we professionals charge quite substantial fees for are not that complicated and really can be done by a reasonably intelligent adult.

LPAs are particularly easy as provide comprehensive step by step instructions online. Really no need to pay for them.

Winterdaysarehere Wed 13-Nov-19 19:39:15

Please discuss it at length with the chosen friend.
My now ex friend had a solicitor's appointment, came back and told me she had named me as her SN dc's guardian should she die. Her exh was in jail.
My gasted was flabbered I tell you.

MollysMummy2010 Wed 13-Nov-19 20:55:32

You attach a letter of wishes to the will as well with all the reasons you stated above. Make sure the named guardians have a copy.

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