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(30 Posts)
Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:23:21

Long story short we found my step son had stolen my debit card, saved the information onto lots of websites & racked up over £4000 worth of purchases. The bank have refused to refund as he is my husbands son it’s a civil matter. Can I dispute this? I wasn’t negligent, I didn’t leave my bank card laying around. I’m at work 12 hours a day so the only time I can think of him being able to get it is when I was sleeping. I’ve had to take a credit card out just to pay my rent & buy food. I can’t afford to loose this money. Im broke.

Please I’m not looking for parenting advise. Myself & my husband have been arguing non stop. I don’t know what to do.

OP’s posts: |
TheQueef Wed 11-Sep-19 12:24:26

Have you reported to the police?

Asmoto Wed 11-Sep-19 12:25:55

If you are prepared to prosecute your step son, the bank should pursue it for you.

Finfintytint Wed 11-Sep-19 12:27:02

You should report the theft of the card to the police along with the subsequent fraudulent transactions.
Banks don’t often pay when a relative is involved because it could easily be a conspiracy between you all.

Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:29:11

Would I definitely get the money back if I reported it to the police? Wha do you think would happen to my stepson? If it goes to court & he gets a fine it will just be my husband paying it anyway

OP’s posts: |
Raphael34 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:30:54

There’s no guarantee of you getting the money back if you report to the police. There is no chance of getting your money back if you don’t though. What’s your husband saying about all this?

Asmoto Wed 11-Sep-19 12:33:33

It would depend on the bank's findings, but if you have involved the police they can't decline to investigate on the grounds that it's a civil matter, as it will have become a criminal matter.

Is your stepson likely to admit to the police that he has done this ?

Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:37:09

Thank you, I’ve got nothing else to loose. My husband won’t be happy about though. He is absolutely furious but like always step son will only get a slap on the wrist & all will be back to normal in a few weeks.

OP’s posts: |
TwentyEight12 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:37:45

Oh my goodness. That is absolutely horrific!

I found this information from Which?:

In theory, your husband should be paying you back the money his son stole from you.

If any of the goods can be returned to the suppliers, I would return them ASAP to recoup the money.

Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:38:12

I don’t think he can deny it was him. Even so I have text messages of him saying sorry for what he’d done etc

OP’s posts: |
Finfintytint Wed 11-Sep-19 12:40:14

Be wary of returning goods just yet as that will reinforce the civil aspect. If any are recovered you can sell at a later date if need be.

Finfintytint Wed 11-Sep-19 12:41:11

That’s unless the police seize anything first.

TwentyEight12 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:45:56

Was he in your home using the ISP (internet service provider) of the house, as in the same one you use or was he at another place using the ISP of that place when he did this?

I’m not a legal bod but if the ISP was different, you’d have a better chance.

Do the ‘sorry’ texts directly relate to and include being sorry for stealing your card and buying lots of goods on it?

AuntieDolly Wed 11-Sep-19 12:46:16

How old is he? Can any of the purchases be returned? Has your Husband/Stepson offered to pay you back?

StressyDressyHeels Wed 11-Sep-19 12:48:17

Definitely report it to the police, it’s a criminal and not a civil matter. It’s theft.

HollowTalk Wed 11-Sep-19 12:49:59

That's terrible. Why are you and your husband arguing? What can he say in his son's defence?

Is there anything that can be returned?

How old is your son? If he's adult I would definitely call the police.

HollowTalk Wed 11-Sep-19 12:50:40

What sort of things did he buy? Was anything delivered to an address you recognise?

misspiggy19 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:52:11

*If you are prepared to prosecute your step son, the bank should pursue it for you.*

^This. You need to prosecute in order for the bank to class it as fraud

Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:57:33

He was using the home internet or 4g (from the phone I pay for) The sorry texts are pretty much a confession.

He is a young adult with learning difficulties. (Autism. He has the mind of a young teenager) That’s why my husband & I have been arguing, he’s blaming his disability & I understand that he probably couldn’t see the consequences of his actions but I’m finding it hard to understand how he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong at the time. He’s a very lonely person, when he’s with us he barely comes out of his room, he goes to college, comes home, & he’s straight to his room only coming down for food & drinks.

I can’t ask my husband to pay me back as he earns less money than me. And my step son is a student in a special needs college.

OP’s posts: |
HollowTalk Wed 11-Sep-19 13:02:09

What did he buy?

StressyDressyHeels Wed 11-Sep-19 13:11:58

You can’t just write off £4K, learning disabilities or not.

If he has the understanding of a young teenager then he has enough understanding to know that it’s not ok to steal.

Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 13:12:52

I’m not 100% on what he bought as it shows on my bank statement as amazon, PayPal, google play, Microsoft (Xbox) a few online gambling payments.

OP’s posts: |
Nettle80 Wed 11-Sep-19 13:13:48

StressyDressyHeels This is what I’ve been saying to my husband 😣

OP’s posts: |
AnneLovesGilbert Wed 11-Sep-19 13:17:58

Oh OP angrysad

If your husband refuses to deal with this properly then it’s tough shit him earning him less than you - it’s still your money that has been stolen!

And gambling?! Interested to know how his dad defends that. If his disability makes him unaware of consequences - as his dad suggests - then there’s no way he should be bloody gambling.

What a nightmare.

TwentyEight12 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:06:51

Ah ok.

He used the phone you pay for and the same ISP. I’m assuming it’s your name that is registered as the account holder for his phone? If not and it’s his name as the account holder that may assist you.

If you do go to the police about this, I don’t know if and how they will be able to recover the monies for/to you? Clearly your SS doesn’t have £4K to reimburse you with, so the debt would surely be passed onto his parents to pay off assuming he is under 18 years old?

I doubt you will be able to recoup the gambling debts.

I would seriously find all the products/purchases he has in his possession with as much paperwork that is still in his possession and see what can be returned. Tot it all up and see how much you can recoup this way.

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