Rights of access for parents who weren't married on splitting up - can dp's ex block his access legally?

[WheelyBuggle]

have namechanged for this

just brief fact summary so I don't drip feed

dp and his ex (call her L) together 12 years. Split up 4 years ago. Lived in a house L could not afford without dp's salary so dp and her agreed (without lawyers) an amount over and above normal child maintenance so L could stay in the house with the dcs. It meant dp could only rent a room in a flat rather than get his own place so all access to the dcs was at L's house picking up and taking them out then bringing them back (one full day on the weekend, one tea time during the week).

Dp and me together around 18 months, dp living with me for 6. Dp has been asking since he's moved in whether I can meet the dcs so they can start coming to our house. L has been refusing saying it's too soon to meet me.

Dp saw the dcs last night when they were back from the holiday and it turns out they went away with L and her new partner. Dp asked L how long they had been going out and it turns out it's only 3 months. Dp wasn't even aware of this, let alone the fact that the dcs had been introduced to him. Dp then told her he didn't think it was fair that the dcs were introduced to him and been away on holiday with him without him knowing when she won't even grant access to let dp bring the kids back to where he lives or even meet me.

She told him tough, those are her conditions. There is no formal legal agreement between dp and L as it was all done informally. Can one now be drawn up, given the time that has happened since the split? Dp is actually devastated because he desperately wants more access to the dcs and it makes it so much easier if they can come and stay with us.

The dcs are 8 and 6.

[DippyAvocado]

Is he named on the birth certificate? If he is, he has joint parental responsibility.

[WheelyBuggle]

dippy I believe he is though I know the dcs do not have his surname

[DippyAvocado]

I would suggest he sees a solicitor. He can have access ordered by the courts.

[WheelyBuggle]

thanks dippy, we'll do that. I just confirmed with him that he is named on their birth certificates

[TeacupDrama]

while it is polite to inform re new partners no parent legally can stop the other parent introducing anybody when it is their time with the DC's
A court at ages 8 and 6 your DP would almost certainly grant EOW ( friday after school to sunday night/ monday morning if close enough to take them straight to school on monday morning and if close enough 1 night a week after school for tea and home in time for bed

[WheelyBuggle]

thanks teacup. We were trying to be polite and keep the kids best interests at heart. I know there's always a fine line as to when it's too soon to meet new partners etc.

He's just called a solicitor now so he'll be instructing someone in the next day or so (when he's managed to get through their money laundering requirements!).

[SavingSpaces2019]

the first thing he should do is reduce the maintenance to the legal minimum.
Then take her to court and set proper contact arrangements.
Also, she can't stop him bringing the kids to his/your home during his contact time.
What she will do is withhold contact when he does.

Your DP has made a rod for his own back by indulging her the way he has.
He's been an absolute mug.

[WheelyBuggle]

You're right (re him being a mug), I can see that. I think, in his defence, he felt ashamed at not having a house to bring them to so went along with it all.

The solicitor he contacted doesn't appear to think this will take long to sort out as she's being so unreasonable. Fingers crossed it's not too expensive to resolve!

[Butterymuffin]

As pp have said she just can't do this legally. Good luck with getting solicitors and resolving it.

[MissMalice]

I disagree with reducing maintenance (contact difficulties are hard enough without throwing petrol on a bonfire) but I would strongly suggest he starts mediation and familiarises himself with the court application.

Always makes me laugh what different solicitors think. Cases like this can rattle on for years and costs tens if not hundreds of thousands of pounds. Good luck.

[SavingSpaces2019]

he felt ashamed at not having a house to bring them to so went along with it all
He would have if he wasn't paying over the top maintenance just so his ex could continue to live in a house that was beyond her means.
She could have downsized to something more affordable.

[WheelyBuggle]

Thanks all for your help. Will let you know how we get on!

[Fontofnoknowledge]

WheelyBuggle

He can do this himself you know ?- it's very straightforward and the only cost is £215 court fee and the cost of mediation (which she has to pay for jointly and must be given the opportunity to attend - but will probably refuse).

If she refuses the mediator will tick the box on the C100.

He can go to HMCTS website. Download the C100. Complete . X 3 copies and send to your local family or combined court. He will get a date and because he has had regular contact there will be no issue and will get an order.

It is the norm to self represent for this since the removal of legal aid in all but DV cases.

However if money is no object and he can easily afford a lawyer then by all means use one - just concerned that he sounds like he spends a lot of income on maintenance and the reason the lawyer said he doesn't appear to think this will take long to sort - is because it is essentially a bit of form filling followed by a court appearance to state the obvious. - There are plenty of CAO hearings where it would be wise to hire a lawyer (allegations of welfare issues etc) but this is not one of them.

[RedHelenB]

It's his children who are benefiting by still living in their home so cutting maintenance will not be in their interests. I would be firm, this is a long term relationship and on x day they are going to meet my partner