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Grandparents taking me to court

(22 Posts)
bumblebee42 Tue 09-Apr-19 23:31:40

Hi, I'm a newbie!
Has any one have any experience of being taken to court by grandparents?
I've had no contact for 2 years with my mum who is now threatening court after being told by the police to leave us alone.
My daughter used to see her weekly but my father is an alcoholic and the worse he got the worse my mothers mental health got.
My father is an abusive drunk and hates me.
My mother got mad because my daughter wasn't allowed in hes car, then I had to stop her going to their home because of he's outbursts, she then resented coming to visit at my house, things between me and her got to the point where I couldn't be around her so I said could still visit but I'd stay out the way, she didn't like that ( I didn't want her there but honestly always tried to put my daughter first ). her mental health (Forever saying she would kill herself or saying she had cancer amongst other things) got worse so I had to do visits in a park for 30mins away from my home as was causing my daughter anxiety, she didn't like that either so told me she no longer wanted to be a nan and cut contact with me. She now only try's to make contact around my daughters birthday then will disappear again. I made the decision to not let her back in so now we have been nc for 2 years.
My daughter is now so so happy and settled and loves not having people crying or upset and just enjoying her life.
They have also been nc with my sisters children but are not fighting for them at all?!
Grandparents now want contact through the court. Do they stand a chance?

OP’s posts: |
TheInvestigator Tue 09-Apr-19 23:37:14

They have no legal right to contact and by the sounds of it, they aren't going to come across as loving, wonderful grandparents who have been unfairly denied access. I wouldnt sweat it.

Collaborate Wed 10-Apr-19 07:35:24

It's impossible to answer your question based n what you can post on an internet message board.

Their first hurdle is to get permission to apply to court. You'll have the right to be heard on that. After that they need to show to the court that they have something positive to offer your daughter. You seem to have gone about things the right way in the way in which you gradually reduced/restricted contact. If they were ever to get contact the best they could expect would be what you did but in reverse, and they have already rejected that.

Impress upon the court how settled your daughter has been in the last two years.

OffToBedhampton Wed 10-Apr-19 07:40:39

Just because they say they can take you to court, doesn't mean they'll win.
Just writte utbout as you have hear but with some approximate dates and more detail about incidents IE in 2016 Mother ... (List abuse /MH incidents) Father. ... (List drunken incidents) which impacted on DD as ... I removed her... Make sure you show how you stepped in each time and gradually withdraw or did so after lack of reassurances you could believe/trust. Also how settled DD is and your recall of her words at the time.

Then that's ready- should they apply to court. PP above described steps they have to take.

bumblebee42 Wed 10-Apr-19 08:23:06

Thank you for the advice it really helps, I've tried to look online to see results of cases like this but it's almost impossible to see out comes, I understand every case is different it just put my mind at rest if I saw the loving grandparents who have been torn from their grandchildren win and the grandparents who are only going to court for selfish reasons lose!

OP’s posts: |
NicoAndTheNiners Wed 10-Apr-19 08:25:17

How old is your dd? Depending on age her wishes could be taken into account which would make it simple if she says she doesn't want to see them.

cliquewhyohwhy Wed 10-Apr-19 08:26:08

Contact with grandparents is normally only awarded if they can prove they were a big part of the grandchild's lives. Because they haven't seen your child in over two years I think you should have nothing to worry about.

purplepears Wed 10-Apr-19 08:28:29

If you look at Gransnet you may get some more information.
It sounds awful for you. I emphasize.

Contraceptionismyfriend Wed 10-Apr-19 09:07:46

I wouldn't worry at all.
After two years they have no relationship with the child. They have no regular contact and so can't fight to preserve a relationship in the interests of the child.
I'd just ignore any communication from them except to log it with the police to build up your case and then if any documentation for mediation comes through you can go to that and state that your child will not be having a relationship at all with them.

Do that have a spare £20K by any chance?

bumblebee42 Wed 10-Apr-19 09:09:06

My DD is about to turn 10.
She says she's "not bothered" about seeing her now, I'm scared as I've kept her out of all of this and explained the minimum to her as to what's going on in a child friendly way. She's a very anxious child and if someone asks her a question she will tell them when she thinks they want to hear sad.
It's nice just getting outside opinions on it as everyone who I can speak to is emotionally charged about the situation.
Was hoping to find someone who's been through similar and can guide me

OP’s posts: |
bumblebee42 Wed 10-Apr-19 09:11:11

Also my parents have no money, can they get legal aid? My mother is "disabled". I'm hoping her lying so much to claim her benefits would shoot her self in the foot as you can't claim to be that disabled but then able to care for a child's needs

OP’s posts: |
prh47bridge Wed 10-Apr-19 10:32:43

I note that a number of people have given opinions as to the outcome. However, as Collaborate says, it is impossible to say whether or not the grandparents have a chance. The only thing that can be said for sure is that, if they succeed, the level of contact will initially be low.

Legal Aid will not be available to the grandparents. Legal Aid is only available for a Child Arrangements Order if the applicant is a victim of domestic abuse or violence, or the child is at risk of abuse.

Billie88 Wed 10-Apr-19 15:52:09

Need advise... long story short my ex lost contact in court over my child because he was abusive towards me and I ended up in hospital.. now his parents are going for contact I did try and make arrangements with the over 2 years ago and every time we met the was pressuring me into agree contact with my child and his dad which I refused since then I have had no contact with them no birthday card or Christmas nothing but last week I got courts papers they want visitation rights. What's will the outcome be, I have a appointment with my solicitor who help me when I was in court with my child father so basiced on he violent so can get legal aid which is great for me

prh47bridge Wed 10-Apr-19 16:04:06

Billie88 - You should really start your own thread. However, the answer for you is the same as the answer to bumblebee42 - on the information you have posted here it is impossible to say what the outcome will be. Your solicitor is best placed to advise you.

Babynut1 Wed 10-Apr-19 20:16:25

I know someone who’s ex mil was successful.
The father died (he was an abusive alcoholic). The mother tried to continue contact for the sake of the kids but she wanted the kids alone and was being really morbid around them. The mother stopped contact as her kids were coming home all upset due to the grandmothers behaviour, and the kids had mentioned a few questionable things about the grandmothers husband (not the gf)

Anyway, she went to court and got 1 weekend overnight contact a month or every 2 months or something like that.

This was a good few years ago so don’t know what the relationship is like now. But they can get given access although these are completely different circumstances to yours xx

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 10-Apr-19 20:25:33

I was taken to court by paternal grandparents (I am DCs mother) contact was awarded. History of contact was grandparents saw the baby from around 4 months old fortnightly for 4 hours during their son’s (my exp) contact with our child. Exp left the country and I allowed contact to continue as before with grandparents seeing child in their home until there was a violent incident when child was 9 months old. I stopped contact. Heard nothing from grandparents for 6 months then received court summons. Contact awarded on a fortnightly basis as before. Judge stated that as a relationship had been established it was in the child’s interests to reinstate contact. Child was around 17/18 months when contact started again. I’ve been told I was very unlucky with this outcome.

No idea what that says as far as your situation goes OP. You need a solicitor if you receive a court summons. Otherwise I would ignore any threats.

bumblebee42 Wed 10-Apr-19 21:52:09

Thanks for the replies. The relationship just isn't there anymore, my daughter is very close to my sister kids and have sleepovers most weekends, I can't imagine the impact on our family if my mother is awarded contact to my daughter but continues to ignore her other grandchildren.
My biggest issue is that she could get contact involving my daughter staying at her house, my father drinks every night and it's not a good environment for my daughter.
I think I'd feel better if I knew what was happening but I'm in limbo just waiting for the papers to arrive. She's not allowed to contact me or come to my house (police are building a harassment case)

OP’s posts: |
Twitterbuggle Fri 11-Oct-19 01:49:49

Hi, just reading through your post and relate SO much to what you were going through! I'm keen to ask for an update if you would be willing to share as I'm facing the same with abusive GPs threatening to take me to court. Hope things worked out okay for you in the end

user1499775533 Fri 11-Oct-19 20:35:51

I’m currently in the same position with my ex partners mum, second time lucky 🙈 the first time she took us to court was for contact at her home so we agreed to our Daughter visiting with her dad for the once a month, so I didn’t face a full hearing and only agreed to that because my ex and myself agreed that was his time with our Daughter so up to him what he does and I wanted a quiet life. She’s trying again for my baby but this time I’m not agreeing to anything. She’s never met my Daughter and I didn’t recieve 1 email during my pregnancy asking how the baby was or after my surgery to see how she was just abuse over the phone and normal manipulative letters so I called the police too and she was issued with a warning. It’s rubbish that these kind of grandparents do this when there are real grandparents out there fighting to see their grandchildren and are denied for no reason. It’s heartbreaking. Big hugs to you too, I know what you’re going tthrough and it’s awful x

MammyCx Mon 21-Oct-19 09:36:38

Hi hi have my partners parents taking us to court for access to my 5 month old LB. They have not been involved in our lifes for 8months before I got pregnant and not during the pregnancy. But when he was only a few days old they started ringing shouting at my partner down the phone his father offering him on to fight. They wanted to come see the baby we said yes but when the day came to them coming up they had refused as they wanted to start more fights 1st only this time trying to come between me and my partner. Anyways I told them then to stay away from us and they did we had no word from them. Then we invited them to his christening he was 8weeks old then(now we had to torture them to get a answer 3-4 days before they would text back. Came to the mass sat with sour faces on them have so many pictures to prove not one smile for people who meet there grandson for the 1st time. Refused to come to the food and drinks after. The grandmother text the following week asking to come up that thursday but it did not suit us as my LB was getting his jags and she never text back the following week she text asking us to bring him down we explained that my partner works 6 days a week until late evening and she never text back the following week after that she text asking what day and we told her my grandfather had just passed away and no reply. Another week passes only the next time she rang and was going of her head for us taking our son to meet his great grandfather her own father and shouting that she has rights and also her and her husband has split up and he had moved out of the home during these weeks she has tried for access. She treats us with no respect it's like she's trying to control us as she is losing control of her own life. She also loves the vodka. We told her once a month on a Sunday which suited us and that no photos be put on social media as they live for the likes on Facebook and we don't want her using our son to spite her ex husband as he has no contact either he also loves the vodka. The way I see it my son my rules I will not listen to any judge or somebody just cause they have the title grandmother tell me where and when I have to go places with my son. I will not listen what can they do lock me up? I say f* the system family life come 1st she wants a relationship with her grandson she should try have one with her own son 1st
Rant over

ODFOx Mon 21-Oct-19 10:36:01

It's natural to worry if someone threatens the potential wellbeing of your child but realistically, it is most unlikely that a court would grant unsupervised access to an older couple who haven't seen their granddaughter for over 2 years with alcohol/MH problems unless your daughter missed them desperately. Gather your evidence on how the relationship deteriorated and sit tight. Chances are they won't push it as far as court anyway.

prh47bridge Mon 21-Oct-19 10:40:28

You would be better starting your own thread rather than posting on an old one. And I'm not clear why you are angry with the system. The system hasn't done anything as yet. Based on what you have said there is a decent chance the courts will not grant contact, although, of course, we don't have their side of the story so cannot say with confidence what the outcome will be.

However, what will undermine you is your attitude. "My son my rules" and "I will not listen to any judge" will not go down well in court. And yes, if you refuse to comply with any court order they can indeed lock you up. Indeed, although it is unlikely, they can take your son off you if you persistently refuse to comply with a court order.

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