How to deal with this contact situation?

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

Long story short, we are now 10 years post ex leaving me for another woman. Divorce was very acrimonious, ex bullying pre and post divorce. He wanted residence so filed in court and it went in my favour - he didn’t even get 50/50. Very bitter. Never paid any maintenance. Never taken them on holiday (earns well). Never really stuck to the court order as suits him and at one point disappeared for 14 months. I have stuck to it myself and have plenty of evidence of offering contact where he hasn’t taken me up on it.

Current girlfriend around 5 years. Moved in together very quickly. Started well but they have moved in and out 4 times now. She has never met me but the pair of them appear fixated on my every move and slag off my every move to the children. The atmosphere is toxic in his household following what appears to have been a revelation of him cheating on her (scorned woman turning up drunk at 3am, you get the idea). My children are increasingly unhappy and are subjected to constant questioning about my life (and comments on it - never positive), and negativity to anything they try and do, not allowed to watch TV, not allowed on their phones, never taken anywhere. Eldest at 14 not allowed out with mates. Moans about presents they buy him (bearing in mind he promises pocket money but never gives it them) etc.

Girlfriend clearly resents their presence, cooks for her child but not them, won’t even make them a drink, calls them stupid to their faces and worse when she thinks they aren’t listening. Told them this weekend to get out of the house because they had stabbed her in the back by discussing her comments with me (I had attempted - and failed -to discuss concerns with ex). She doesn’t work and has fallen out with her family.

My children no longer want to go there. Final straw was being told that if they didn’t want to see him, he would go and live in France. He has apparently bought property there. There are constant tears and they are very on edge. The eldest has called him a c**t.

Ages 14, 12 and 9. 14 year old only going as a means by which to attempt to,protect the other two. 12 year old refusing to go again. 9 years old in tears at the thought of it.

Can I take this to court to revoke the order? I am scared the 9 year old is perhaps too young for a court to take his wishes into consideration and I don‘t want to withhold contact? Or just withhold contact and see if he bothers with court?

[Collaborate]

You'll have to take it back to court if you want to change the arrangements I'm afraid. He sounds an awful parent though, so the court should give you a sympathetic hearing. They'll speak to the children again and I'm sure listen to what they say goes on at their father's.

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

thank you. We have moved area since the first order was made. Do I have to apply to the old court or can I just do our nearest?

Do I have to try mediation first?

[Collaborate]

You choose the court that is nearest to where you live now. You have to issue them in the regional centre nearest you, though hearings might take place in a court closer to you.

[Collaborate]

And yes you may have to try mediation first unless you fall within one of the exemptions (distance is one).