Drama since my fiancé died

[Firstmom264]

I didn’t really know what to put as a title so I’m going to try and put as much detail in as I can. Basically 19 months ago my fiancé and babies dad committed suicide when my son was 20 months old. Ever since then his family and friends have blamed me for his death his parents have harassed me, wrote horrible things online and there had been no communication for over a year. They know where I live but because the harassment and online bullying got so bad the police gave them a warning not to contact me or come to my house. However today I’ve revived a letter from a mediation centre saying that they want to try mediation and then go on to court to see my son. I don’t know much about grandparents rights or what happens in a family court.. my son hasn’t been involved with them for over a year now and to him they are strangers... I know for a fact that if they were granted access they would try and tell my son all kinds of lies to turn him against me. What can I do? Do they have rights to him?

[ivykaty44]

Sorry for your loss

How would you feel about going to mediation?
Would you be able to express your fears about this family “bad mouthing” you to your son ( who has already lost one parent)

[Veterinari]

Just bumping OP.

No legal knowledge but pretty sure GP have no rights.

Why would your son needs these toxic arseholes?!? You’re right to keep your distance.

[ivykaty44]

Did you keep evidence of the online bullying & harassment? It maybe useful as I thought abuse was a reason not to have mediation. If you visit the mediation Center and produce the evidence and advice them after police enrolment you don’t feel safe due to the online abuse.

Someone will hopefully be along to advice on this

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

OP get this moved to legal.

Grandparents do not have rights but Anyone can try to take anyone to court.

[EstherMumsnet]

Hi OP, let us know if you would like this moved to our Legal Matters section where you may get more responses. Just report your own post to do this.

[Daisymay2]

Bet they didn't tell the mediation centre that the police have warned them to keep away due to harassment.
Like the PP said, I don't think Grandparents have rights, so not sure if they would get access even if they go to court.
Hopefully someone with knowledge will come along, but could you afford to pay a solicitor to write to the medication people explaining about the harassment and abuse and stating you do not want contact with them?
I am sorry for your loss.

[SofiaAmes]

I am sure that you know this, but just to reiterate, it is NOT your fault in any way shape or form that your fiancé committed suicide. Depression is a disease caused by chemical imbalances in the brain and in many cases is treatable, but not yet curable. My condolences to you and your ds and I hope that you are both getting help and support.

[SofiaAmes]

P.S. Please do not agree to the mediation. Your instincts are correct.

[Firstmom264]

How do I move this post to the Legal Matters section?

[Firstmom264]

Honestly made me feel sick reading the letter. I’ve spent the last year trying to protect my son and keep him away from all the negativity and now I’ve got the stresses of this

[Firstmom264]

I don’t understand why after a year of harassment and upsetting me they would try and have contact? They haven’t been bothered for a year

[scepticalwoman]

Op, Mumsnet upthread have said to report you own post and they'll move it for you. There are some bright and thoughtful people on legal who may be able to advise you.

[ILoveAutum]

I’m very sorry for your loss & the fact they’ve been so awful to you.

It is NOT your fault he did what he did.

Just send a letter to the mediation centre saying there’s NOT a cat in hells chance of it happening. NO WAY. Tell them you had to go to the police to stop the harrassment. I’m betting you won’t hear from them again.

Wankbadgers

[Weenurse]

Sorry for your loss💐

[EstherMumsnet]

We'll move it for you now OP.

[PrincessWire]

I can only think that as their grief over losing their son is settling they're realising that they've also lost their grandson. Lots of people lash out when they're dealing with grief. However a sustained harassment campaign means that they have lost any perceived "rights" that they think they should have.

[PrincessWire]

And yy that what happened was not your fault.

[pallisers]

So sorry for your loss, OP, and sorry you were subjected to this level of abuse.

I would write back to the mediation center saying that the family have been not been in any kind of communication for the past year except to harrass and abuse you. As a result the police have warned them not to approach your home. You do not see it as in your son's best interest to see them so you decline the request for mediation.

Or simply reply "No. I do not see it as in my son's best interests to meet these people and in fact believe it could be detrimental to him".

[Firstmom264]

On the letter it had a mobile number to call a mediation person to either agree or disagree to mediation... if I don’t reply or don’t agree it says that they will go ahead and apply for court.
I’ve spent a year trying to rebuild mine and my sons lives and it just feels like they’re about to tear it all down again

[pallisers]

I'd be tempted to ignore the letter completely. Is it a government agency or just some mediation service they have hired? You don't actually have to respond if it is just something they have thrown out there.

Ignore and see what they do next.

This is horrible, OP. so sorry.

[ivykaty44]

Can you contact the mediation center and advice them that the police have told this family to leave you alone due to abuse and ask them what there policy is for mediation when one party is abusive?

[Annandale]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm just posting because dh took his own life earlier this year, and I've also been blamed for his death by a family member.

Do you have any way to get some proper support? Could you get some legal advice, is there any way to afford that? I saw the other day that I have a legal helpline including family law advice as part of my car breakdown membership or sometimes it's part of home insurance if you have that?

I don't think they have any particular case but I hate the idea that you are having to deal with everything you are dealing with on your own.

[Firstmom264]

My parents said the same thing. It’s an independant mediator... not exactly a formal letter by any means. My dad said it’s a scare tactic

[Firstmom264]

Sorry for your loss hun. Such a horrible thing to go for.
All I’ve had for the past year is abuse and harrasment and now I have them trying to ruin the life that I’ve built for me and my son. They’ve basically just picked and chose when they want to be grandparents and i just think it’s too little too late

[Olderbyaminute]

I recall your previous posts and my heart sank just reading this update! Honest to god I don’t know how some people sleep at night! Peace and happiness to you and your son.