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(22 Posts)
MjBurns Fri 10-Aug-18 01:01:07

Hi i am turning to mumsnet in the hope of some advice and help, I am male and my wife is divorcing me, we have no kids. At the moment i am financially dependent on my wife and she has always been the higher earner, I recently found out that she has filed for divorce in Slovakia ( illegally as she does not live there but has claimed she does ) and had no intention of telling me or serving me the papers so that i could contest it. She has now left the flat we rent a couple of weeks ago but has left me with no money and no food, I am living on tap water, this is not the first time she has done this to me, she recently went on holiday and left me in the same situation, she has cut off my mobile, the landline and the internet and has also taking the shared computer she has left me unable to communicate and with no way of providing for myself and with 4 guinea pigs to look after, who have now run out of veg, they still have fresh hay and pellets to eat but should have veg too ( I am more worried about them than me ) I was self employed but currently have no work, can she legally do all the things she has done and leave me with nothing ? Any help would be much appreciated, I have emailed her several times asking for either veg to be dropped off for the guinea pigs or just £10 so i can by them food they should not have to suffer like me just because she hates me, I don't want to ask friends as i have already had to borrow from them and have no family to turn too, the stress and lack of food have made me lose 24 kg since the end of May, sorry for the long post but could not find much on google and have no money so can't get a lawyer

Collaborate Fri 10-Aug-18 05:13:12

You really need to see a lawyer somehow. At present she can do what she likes. Assuming the split is permanent you may issue divorce proceedings (what is her connection, if any, to Slovakia? Sounds like a red herring) and the court can thereafter make financial orders.

The court would have to decide whether to recognise any Slovakian proceedings, and if there is no Brussels II connection to that country and you haven’t even been served it is unlikely to be recognised. Act quickly though.

MjBurns Fri 10-Aug-18 07:19:31

My wife is originally from Slovakia and we were married there, we have property and land there, but only spend 6 weeks a year there, my understanding is that in order to file for a divorce in that country you need to have been living there for 6 months before you can file papers and i have copies of emails between her and her lawyer saying this and then talking about how they will have to bend the truth but as long as no one contest it the court will not check it, also have copies of emails where she talks about hiding assets ( everything we have in Slovakia is in her name, property, land and money ) and even one email where she talks about the fact that her boss ( who works for one of the magic circle law firms, my wife works for her in her private life ) would be happy to pay some of her salary off the book so as to make it look like she earns less and not in such a financially good position, meanwhile i have nothing, now i know i can't use said documents in court, I have requested the documents from Slovakia as i believe her and her lawyer have submitted a statement from me claiming i don't contest the divorce, i am awaiting them, they should be here soon, I want to see them, to see just what has been filed and stated in them and how many laws have been broken, I have spoken to the court there a couple of times and no hearing is set, once i have these documents and can tell the court there what is wrong with them and get the Slovak Bar Association involved as want to make sure the lawyer who knowingly filed an illegal petition and can dealt with by them and the courts along with my wife. I am not surprised at her treating me bad, it is a divorce after all, but i can't forgive her for the way she is treating the guinea pigs ( which she has always claimed as her guinea pigs ) fine let me starve and suffer but they are pets that depend upon us, luckily they still have fresh hay and pellets, I know i should worry more about myself

MjBurns Fri 10-Aug-18 07:23:27

Oh and thank you for your reply, I really didn't know where to turn to for advice and help, I remember reading about how helpful and how there is a community feel to mumsnet and hoped there would be people willing to help with advice or explain what i can do,

RedHelenB Sat 11-Aug-18 17:22:56

surely you can get some benefits? AS for veg for guinea pigs go to a supermarket and you can pick stuff up for pennies. Failing that then look into guinea pig rescue centres because you are right they shouldn't be suffering.

woodhill Sat 11-Aug-18 17:27:29

Could you go out and pick some dandelions or grass for GPS OP

So sorry

MjBurns Sat 11-Aug-18 17:34:30

Guinea pigs are ok now and have some food, went to my local allotment and asked some people there if they had some bits i could take for them, so nice to be in a friendly community.

MjBurns Sat 11-Aug-18 17:41:04

As for benefits she has filed illegally in Slovakia and have to get that petition thrown out before i can file in this country and then i will be able to seek spousal support through court and maybe benefits but right now it's all in limbo, had a chat with a friends wife yesterday she is a lawyer ( not family law ) with one of the magic circle firms she is going to pop round on Monday to go through things in a bit more detail and point me in the right direction

Collaborate Sun 12-Aug-18 03:44:38

You don’t have to get the Slovakian petition thrown out first . This is why you need legal advice.

MissedTheBoatAgain Sun 12-Aug-18 08:40:29


Does your wife work in UK? If so do you know who is her employer?

There is a procedure called MPS (Maintenance Pending Suit) and can be arranged at short notice if someone is genuinely struggling. Court can issue an order for your wife to give you enough to tide you over until finances are resolved. However, if she has fled the UK I don't know how it could be enforced?

RedHelenB Sun 12-Aug-18 21:33:24

If you can work (self employed) and there are no children I don't see why you think you will get spousal maintenance?

PatheticNurse Sun 12-Aug-18 21:36:41

If you don't have any work, then you need to apply for some employed jobs asap.

MjBurns Sun 12-Aug-18 21:47:21

Spousal support is not just for unemployed mothers or fathers it's there for the financial weaker person in the marriage and as it stands my earnings would not allow me to live and right now she has left me with nothing my breakfast, lunch and dinner was tap water today and as a treat a cup of black tea for dessert, unfortunately my work has slowed down and i am now looking to go back into being employed rather than self employed , also there are assets but stupidly they were all put in her name, but now we are divorcing assets should be split so no one is financially weaker, I am not asking here to support me forever i am asking for basic human rights, she should not have taken everything just because it's on her name, she has had 4 holidays right now i have not had a proper meal in about 3 weeks hopefully now you might understand why i feel like i should have some spousal support or do you believe it's ok to leave someone with no food ? Right now even £20 from her so i could buy some basic food and cook,

MjBurns Sun 12-Aug-18 21:54:08

But every cloud has a silver lining as i was 10 kgs overweight but in 10 weeks have lost 24.5 kgs so guess that's a bonus, just have to make sure it doesn't all go back on when i start eating proper meals again,got to look for the good and positive in things

MidniteScribbler Mon 13-Aug-18 03:07:19

This may seem like a radical idea, but have you thought about getting a job?

MjBurns Mon 13-Aug-18 05:45:30

Do people not read post, I am looking to go from self employed to being employed and are we really saying that because i was stupid enough to put everything in her name she should take everything have a good time and leave me with nothing ?? Not to mention she tried to file for divorce in another country ( we have land and property there, but only live there one month a year and not the required six months a year ) in the hope it would go through without me knowing ( I was never giving copies of the petition ) she cheated on me, wanted to leave and take everything, which so far she has and left me with nothing, since finding out about everything i have tried to open up dialogue with her but no response

MjBurns Mon 13-Aug-18 06:06:40

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to respond, i now have a lawyer and we have a plan of action, what's strange is i know we put everything in my wife's name, but in the dialogue i tried to open up with her, my offer of a settlement was still very much in her favour ( even though she is the financially stronger party )I guess now some lawyers will earn there money, just because we put everything in her name does not mean that it's all hers, my work was not always so slow and i did contribute to everything that we have, the one thing i will say is, even now when times are bad,you have to remember other people are going through worse things, I have a roof over my head, some people do not and through no fault of there own, I have good friends who you never really want to bother in times like this, but thanks to one of them, I will go food shopping and pick up some special treats for the piggies too, some people don't have this either. I may have been through some dark times but it was/is only temporary but for some people it is a daily reality with no end in site. I have a forum like this where i can ask for advice and strangers that i don't know take time out of there day to answer, so thank you, now it will soon be sorted out and we will both be able to move forward.wishing everyone a wonderful start to the week and try to be the reason someone smiles today, once again thank you

RedHelenB Mon 13-Aug-18 12:52:05

Strange you have money for a lawyer but none for food. Yes assets will be fairly split when you diverse but I'd still be surprised if you got spousal maintenancy as you are capable of maintaining yourself.

MjBurns Mon 13-Aug-18 13:11:35

Are you really that nasty, I don't have money for a lawyer they are working on the divorce and will get paid out of my settlement at the end, if i had money for a lawyer of course I would have brought food as well and a court can award spousal support whilst the case is being heard and then adjust the settlement at the end to take into account any money already paid, this allows both parties in the divorce to be able to cover there living costs

MjBurns Mon 13-Aug-18 13:39:09

I get the feeling that some people think i just want the money and don't want to work, that is not true, in our 15 years together ( 9 married ) we have both contributed to our assets when times where good i was the financially stronger person, but would say that 65-70% of the time my wife earned more, hence why i am not being greedy the settlement offer i put forward would see her keep 80% of assets/ money and myself 20% she may have been the one that cheated and left but i do recognise that she has put more into what we have, I thought this was a fair offer and one that would enable both of us to move forward and get on with our lives, as it is right now i have nothing, that's what upsets me. So i hope for those of you who think i am just trying to be greedy and get a free meal ticket i am not, I would prefer a one off settlement that I feel is fair and reflects what we have both put into what we have, I am not going for everything or as much as some people who know us feel i should, I am just after a share of what we have built up and have taken into account how much each of us put into it.

RedHelenB Mon 13-Aug-18 17:07:25

I m sorry if you feel I'm being nasty but if you now have a lawyer on board then that's good and hopefully you'll get sorted.

MjBurns Mon 13-Aug-18 17:42:08

And i am sorry if i came across as rude, not my normal self, lack of food/sleep and stress, you just get to the point when you want it all to be done and i think that's what she wants, me just to walk away and say keep everything as it's not worth it, but that will not happen but it is like life is on hold

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