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Am I being unreasonable regarding contact?

(38 Posts)
Noname17 Thu 09-Aug-18 14:27:27

A few weeks ago my ex was finally allowed contact with 2 year old DD whom he hasn't seen for over a year after DV incident. This is only temporary till the next hearing in a few months. He sees her every weekend for 2 hours, but after the first visit he wanted to extend the time so that DD can go back with him to his city and see his friends and DDs half brother and also he claims that there's nothing for him to do in my town. He's been bombarding me with emails and tries to argue with me every time during hand over.

I have never said no to the idea. Seeing as this order is only for a few months I thought it best for him to bond with DD. I even sent him a link of child friendly things to do in my town, he hasn't done any of the things but keeps complaining that there's nothing to do. He is now threatening to go for full custody because he "doesn't want restrictions in seeing his DD".

My issue is that when he goes to his friends, DD will be passed from one person to the other and have no time to bond with her dad and it might be too overwhelming for her and get unsettled. His friends or family will get the opportunity to see DD but right now it's about DD and dad and establishing that bond first.

Am I just being an ar$e?

MrsBertBibby Thu 09-Aug-18 14:31:33

No, stick to the order. He's being an idiot.

Is a s7 report being prepared for the next hearing?

Noname17 Thu 09-Aug-18 14:41:49

Thanks Mrs B
Cafcass is coming round in a few weeks for s7 interview. The problem is that I have nothing nice to say about the 'man', he's very selfish and I can prove this. Now that he has access I don't want to come across as bitter but at the same time I can't ignore the things he has and hasn't done for DD.

Noname17 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:54:13

So, dropped DD for contact with dad. He then told me that they won't be back till the evening because I refuse to extend contact, which is in breach of order. What are my options?

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 10:58:02

Does the order specify 2 hours? If he’s not back by then call the police. And get on to your solicitor first thing Monday morning telling them how late he was and why.

Beetlebum1981 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:58:42

Call the police if he doesn't return her at the agreed time? I would assume if he's broken the court order then that's the only thing you can do.

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 10:58:46

The police can’t force him to give her back, (if he has parental rights) but it documents his breach of the court order.

Have you claimed CMS from him? If not, I would.

Melliegrantfirstlady Sat 11-Aug-18 11:00:56

I would not hand her over if he threatened that. I would also record it all

Melliegrantfirstlady Sat 11-Aug-18 11:01:23

He is clearly stupid breaching this court order too

43percentburnt Sat 11-Aug-18 11:03:47

Call the police when she is not back. Text him and ask why she is not back. Keep the evidence.

He is daft doing this prior to court. Call your solicitor first thing Monday.

Noname17 Sat 11-Aug-18 11:10:16

Thanks.
I made a voice recording of him saying that. I've been keeping a log ever since contact started. I do have CM and that's one of the reasons he's threatening to take her, because he doesn't want to pay. I'm representing myself though but I've got CAFCASS coming round this coming week

ClownsAndJokers Sat 11-Aug-18 11:11:28

I’d sit tight as in not tell him anything till you get your dd back, then solicitor asap. My ex didn’t bring my ds back once and there was nothing the police could do apart from check he was ok, because ex had pr. it’s shit I know but this is him trying to control you. If you can stay calm then at least you will get her back even if it’s later than expected. I’m not a legal person so poss not the best advice... I just know a bit about how you might be feeling

ClownsAndJokers Sat 11-Aug-18 11:12:18

Just seen you’re representing yourself... I don’t know whether a solicitor might be a good investment here if you possibly can

Noname17 Sat 11-Aug-18 11:32:53

Can't afford solicitors as unemployed and also don't qualify for legal aid

Noname17 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:17:31

He's now officially breached the order.

Berthatydfil Sat 11-Aug-18 12:29:26

Does the order have (I think it called) penal clause?
This gives the police the power to arrest him (I think, hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon)
If not and you think he is going to be a dick then perhaps you need to consider getting it written into the next order.
He needs to remember that the only person with rights is his child, and contact needs to be in their best interests.
So you need to say (and get it in writing) “it’s in dcs interests to build up a secure reltionship with you by having one to one time in the first few weeks of contact”
He needs to say how what he is proposing is in her best interests (and just not what he wants)

Aprilshowersinaugust Sat 11-Aug-18 12:32:34

Keep meticulous records of all of this. A judge will be very interested to learn your ex thinks he is above the court.
Actually he may have done you a favour.
But next hearing you need in that the police can bring dd home should he continue to be an arse.

Noname17 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:45:05

Just called the police and have been told it's not a criminal matter

Achafi Sat 11-Aug-18 12:52:21

If there is a history of dv then that could make you eligible for legal aid. Contact t women's aid and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck.

MrsBertBibby Sat 11-Aug-18 12:58:19

Assuming she is returned tonight, you need to

1. Complete a C100 requesting a Prohibited Steps Order with penal notice forbidding him to remove her from your care other than for contact ordered by the court. You could also ask for his CAO to be varied to allow contact centre contact only. Ask for an urgent hearing, and a without notice hearing.

2. Write a statement setting out what has happened and why you want these orders. Include the impact of his messing around on your daughter and on you.

3. First thing Monday, call the Court for an emergency without notice hearing. Different courts have different arrangements for this. You may need an appointment to issue at the counter, and then the judge will see you if they see fit, or give you a hearing on notice in a few days.

When is his next contact under the order?

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 13:08:53

MrsBertBibby as usual with legal matters has it bang on OP.

SisterNotCisTerf Sat 11-Aug-18 13:16:20

The police can’t force him to give her back, (if he has parental rights) but it documents his breach of the court order.

I have no experience of it at all but there was a MNer posting a couple of days ago who had the police turn up and take her child as her ex had verbally changed the time for him to be returned and then called the police when the child wasn’t returned at original time.

MrsBertBibby Sat 11-Aug-18 14:57:29

Sometimes the police help, sometimes they refuse. Depends on the individual officer.

The fact is, it isn't their job to assist, unless the court asks them to help, and infuriating as it is, the officer who won't help is probably wiser than the one who wades in.

RedHelenB Sat 11-Aug-18 17:15:42

Being in contact with her half brother and family may well be a positive thing.

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 17:55:24

Is she back OP?

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