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My ex has stopped contact between myself and my children

(21 Posts)
4evaalways Sat 26-May-18 17:01:44

My ex partner has been caring for our 3 children since 2016 because of a mental breakdown. Since then I was diagnosed with a rare terminal illness. I was helping towards my celiac daughters food requirements and was giving £40 a month. But now he has decided that its not enough and wants another £40 and is refusing to let me see my children. I can only have them once a month due to how young they are, how their behaviour is and my health. It also doesn't help that I do not have access to a car and neither does he atm.
In another post I gave out more info and was trolled on but through all that I was advised to fill in a C100 form. Could someone please explain what this is and also is there anything else I can do in the meantime.
Ive managed to speak to the eldest of the 3 today and is blaming me for everything, telling me that what her dad is saying is right. I don't know what he is saying to my 3 children but I know its turning them against me and now the other 2 don't even want to speak to me let alone see me.
Am I best off staying out the way so they don't get more upset (everytime I speak to them they get upset) or do what I want to do and fight to see them even though I can only see them once a month?

Please I couldn't cope with more people slagging me off so can I just have advice please
TIAx

DewDropsonKittens Sat 26-May-18 17:09:09

You sound like you're going through hell, are you having treatment for your illness?

Have you been through court to determine contact arrangements?

Have you also completed the online calculator to determine how much CSA you should be paying?

gamerchick Sat 26-May-18 17:12:13

Have you been through the CSA about maintenance? 40 a month for 3 kids isn't very much.

As for the rest I don't know what to suggest. Kids will blame the parent for how they see as not bothering with them regardless of why. Really your ex should be helping with that.

MrsBertBibby Sat 26-May-18 17:12:48

C100 is a court application form. Google it and the form is on the gov.uk site for free.

You need to apply for a child arrangements order. It is an easy form to complete.

Because your partner works you are unlikely to be fees exempt but complete form ex160 if you want to try.

Send 4 sets of c100 to your family court. You should strictly speaking try mediation first but I doubt it will help from your other post. Lots of mediators will do a phone session if you know it's a non starter.

If you google family mediation plus your hime area you will find providers who can help.

MrsBertBibby Sat 26-May-18 17:15:13

Please don't let him twist your children like this without a fight. To rob your children of contact with a dying parent is abuse.

gamerchick Sat 26-May-18 17:16:25

If all you can offer them is once a month then I honestly don't think I would. Can you not see them more often. Why can you only give them once a month?

MrsBertBibby Sat 26-May-18 17:19:02

Gamer, OP is terminally ill and very poorly. Her only income is a benefit the CMS confirm is non assessable for maintenance.

These children need to see their mother. Period.

MrsBertBibby Sat 26-May-18 17:24:04

OP I am assuming you are in England/Wales?

4evaalways Sat 26-May-18 17:24:44

I agree £40 isn’t a lot but all I’m getting is PIP and although my partner works he has his own bills and children etc.
I’m on daily steroids and methotrexate as it’s an autoimmune disease I have. They work on the symptoms but not the disease itself. There is no cure for it.
I haven’t been to court with regards my children as he has always been reasonable up until the beginning of this year. I was only diagnosed at the end of last year and was on nothing money wise before that. Then I was awarded PIP so now he wants more and more. Each time I’ve said no he stops me from seeing my children. But now my children are actually saying they don’t want to talk or to see me. My eldest of the three (7 year old) actually put the phone down on me because her dad has been filling her with all sorts and I was trying to tell her that he was wrong without actually saying he is wrong. I don’t want to undermine their dad as that’s not productive so I try not to discuss things with them that are going on but their dad and his partner are quite happy to sit them down and tell them that the reason I’m not seeing them is because I won’t give them any money and I should be. I’m at rock bottom where this is concerned now so I think I will just fill in the forms and fight my hardest fight.
I should be used to it no being as I have to fight everyday just to survive.

MrsBertBibby Sat 26-May-18 17:27:42

Use this page to find the correct court to issue in

courttribunalfinder.service.gov.uk/search/postcode?aol=Children&spoe=start

DewDropsonKittens Sat 26-May-18 17:27:45

That's horrific you poor thing.

Do you have any safeguarding concerns about how your children are cared for by their dad?

MrsBertBibby Sat 26-May-18 17:28:44

As I said before, maintenance is irrelevant here. Contact and maintenance are not related.

4evaalways Sat 26-May-18 17:29:20

I am yes I live in Dudley, he moved from
Birmingham (accessible to me) to Evesham and moved in with his new partner. Which is 40ish miles away from me in a car. I don’t have access to a car atm and travelling on public transport is something I haven to been able to do for the last couple of years due to all sorts of reasons. Now I have the IPH on top (which renders me gasping for breath after waking only a very short distance)
I am hoping once I have my oxygen assessment (which has been rushed through as urgent after I had my second bleed on my lungs only 2 weeks ago) that I may have a little more freedom. At the moment I’m practically house bound unless I am with someone

4evaalways Sat 26-May-18 17:32:08

Tbh, my ex has always been a good dad and would do anything for his children. I don’t think they are in any physical danger but I’m not so sure about emotional. I just don’t like the way he is so open with the children about our arguments and what’s been said between me and him. I don’t want social services involved and neither does he. I just want my children to be happy and carefree and ultimately children.

BeyondRedYNWA Sat 26-May-18 17:38:09

Glad you reposted somewhere less horrific OP, that shitshow in AIBU was not what you need right now flowers

DewDropsonKittens Sat 26-May-18 17:39:43

I would suggest, you write letters to your ex and to your children
Explain everything to your ex, tell him all of your illnesses and how desperately you want to have a part in their lives whilst you still have chance

He is probably trying to protect them, but you need a chance

EddieTheBeagle Sat 26-May-18 17:44:42

I've no advice but just want to wish you well with accessing your DC's flowers

BeyondRedYNWA Sat 26-May-18 18:11:50

Just posted it in the other thread, but here is the link for the relationship board if you want to offload about your ex, rather than just talk about the legal side...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

fontofnoknowledge Sat 26-May-18 20:59:16

If you want any help completing the C100 I am sure the experts will help you. I have done these forms successfully a number of times and am happy to help you if you wish to PM me. (But if you have lawyer help take that in front of a lay person like me !). What I can definitely give you is advice about self representation as I assume lawyers are not in the budget. We have done it for ten years so are practically old hands . Don't let it worry you it's really not at all complicated.

Please ignore people telling you that "£40 a month is not very much" It's a fortune if you only have PIP and irrelevant anyway as you will be NIL rated.

Hont1986 Sat 26-May-18 22:07:33

If you have a terminal illness (sorry to hear that) then are you claiming PIP under Special Rules? You could get both enhanced rates of PIP - £145 per week.

clumsyduck Sat 26-May-18 22:11:34

So sorry op this is horrible to read, you have a terminal illness and your ex doesn't want to help your children have a good relationship with you ? I have no legal advice help but don't let him brainwash them and push you away op flowers

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