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abusive ex defending divorce

(9 Posts)
FrustrationNation Wed 07-Feb-18 13:29:15

Just that really. Emotionally abusive and controlling ex, who was arrested but released without charge, is defending the divorce petition. Says he won't agree to any amendments and that it's all lies made up by me to get legal aid. I have photos of the state of the home, social services were involved, I have letters, a support worker, I'm in therapy, I have an outreach worker from women's aid etc.

He's quoting Owens Vs Owens. To my mind it's not relevant at all but I'm really worried about facing him in court. Any advice? I do have a solicitor but they can't represent me in court under legal aid, I will have my outreach worker.

RedHelenB Wed 07-Feb-18 13:33:10

My solicitor told me that you can't really do contest a divorce. If you have enough reasons for unreasonable behaviour then that is fine. You can't make someone stay married but worse case scenario is you wait 2 years from separation.

FrustrationNation Wed 07-Feb-18 13:37:14

I know but it's just another way to control me and I'm so desperate to escape

ShowMeTheElf Wed 07-Feb-18 13:42:19

Owens vs Owens was a point of law in that the case was not fully proven.
If your case that your exH was unreasonable or unfaithful or whatever is strong enough then the divorce will be granted.
Prepare your application well.

HelloBrass Wed 07-Feb-18 15:59:53

Has your divorce petition been issued? Did he say in his Acknowledgement of Service form that he intends to defend?

If so, he will need to file a formal Answer at Court within 14 days. If he doesn't do that, then you can apply for decree nisi and it will be treated as an undefended divorce.

Lots of people say they're going to "defend" but they rarely do, or they don't comply with the requirements so it goes through anyway.

Funkyhouse Wed 07-Feb-18 16:04:17

Agree that it is often threatened but extremely rare these days. Has he got legal representation himself? He will have been advised not to defend.

My ex threatened to defend the divorce but didn’t in the end. He found plenty of other ways to make things difficult however.

FrustrationNation Wed 07-Feb-18 16:21:36

He has replied to my solicitor saying he intends to defend it. He says he has legal advice but the letter is written by him not a legal representative. Essentially we sent him a draft copy expecting there to be amendments but he's planning on defending.

My solicitor has said just apply for it anyway as it could be just a threat. It appears that he's self representing too. I suspect he's talked to a few of his mates that think they know a lot about the law, and is going ahead with that advice.

It's just so strange. He was awful to live with, I mean... He was OK as long as I did as I was told. When I finally had enough begging him to change and stood up to him he got really nasty. Called me all sorts. He used to throw out my clothes if they were too low cut or tight, and would drop rubbish on the floor for me to pick up. Apparently though, according to him, there's nothing wrong with our marriage. I've got out for my sanity and my kids. I just want to be free.

HelloBrass Wed 07-Feb-18 17:57:08

Get your divorce petition issued. If he says in his Acknowledgement that he's going to defend, chances are he won't know to file an Answer and then you can crack on anyway.

If he ignores it, get him personally served and crack on anyway.

His power trip ends now.

FrustrationNation Wed 07-Feb-18 18:12:45

Yeah it's what I'm planning. Even if he does file an answer I'm still going for it. I don't see how any judge can say we were OK living together. I'm not willing to just take it like he wants me to. It's scary though!

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