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Refusing ex contact.

(8 Posts)
southern82 Sun 04-Feb-18 21:16:02

I've been in a domestic violent relationship for 10 years, I have a son who is 6 years old who has autism and pda syndrome.
My husband has strangled me in front of our son and knocked me out etc and has been arrested for this . When my ex lived here, he didn't speak to our son at all. He was very abusive towards him.
I got the courage with the help of a domestic abuse organisation to ask him to leave.
He has now left and we are about to start divorce proceedings.
My son tried to kill himself in Nov because he thought he had made his dad leave. I asked his dad to come over and see him but he said he was busy going to the cinema. I managed to get camhs involved and my son is in a fantastic place now.

The violence has stopped from my son, he smiles a lot, he laughs, he doesn't hide in his room anymore. School cannot believe the huge difference since my ex left.

Several times my ex arranged to see my son and didn't turn up. My ex has said he does not like been a dad and finds our son too difficult. My ex also has another son who he does not see apart from once per year.

My son needs consistency due to his autism, he doesn't understand once a month or once a year contact. He thinks it's because of him.

I have said I don't wish my ex to see our son as I can't risk my son's mental health. He is in such a good place. He doesn't ask after his dad at all.

Legally do I have to let him have contact?

MrsBertBibby Sun 04-Feb-18 22:03:40

Only if a court orders it.

Has he made an application?

southern82 Sun 04-Feb-18 23:36:08

No not yet but he advises its on his next list

MrsBertBibby Mon 05-Feb-18 08:24:41

Well if he actually does it, you need to say there what you have said here. Stick to your guns, make sure the Court and CAFCASS get full information on his violence and your son's diagnoses, and good luck.

PeppermintPasty Mon 05-Feb-18 11:35:50

I refused my ex contact, no court order in place (it's a long and sorry tale of violence, financial abuse, theft), and that was 3.5 years ago. Despite telling me he'd see me in court (lol) he's never once bothered with them and they are all the better for it.

Stick to your guns. Good luck.

Anamariat Thu 08-Feb-18 13:07:42

hi, I am looking to get an advice or to hire a solicitor te help me out with a parent plan or preparing to make arrangements and reaching an agreement regarding my child.
From my previous marriage I have a 6 years old daughter, I divorced in March 2016 and since then ,me and my ex wife ,we are having issues making a visiting schedule to respect.
I was trying the amicable way ,but everytime we failed and things are becoming worse.
I tried as well to solve things tru MIAM ( mediation) but she didnt agree that we can understood so next step is going to the court.
I also have from divorce a notariale document certified by a notary in Romania,on mutual agreement where is stated that I can have contact with my daughter 6 days / monthly. She,my ex wife aloud me contact with my daughter more than 6 days per month but the main issues are the schedule,her treatment besides me, her personality and her behaviour towards me everytime I contact her regarding our daughter. Sometimes I have her for 3 days per week and then I cannot see her for another 3 weeks.
I found it very hard to communicate with my ex wife and lately she finds everything an issue to bully me and to blackmail me that if I dont like her treatment and her visit plans she will not aloud me to have contact with my girl.
So thats way I want to detach from this type of treatment unhealty for my new marriage and for my physical and mental health,and I was thinking that a legal visit plan will help me to have a quite life and regular contact with my daughter.
Just want to mention from the time I decided to take this way my ex wife is very angry and she doesnt aloud me to see my daughter anymore and she is very determined to go to court (she has solicitors friend who will help her for free). I would like to avoid the court because
going to court can be costly ,money I cannot really afford.
I was wondering if this document what I have has any value here or is any possibility to make it legal?
And then just to find a easiest and cheapest way to arrange an visit plan.

BubblesBuddy Sat 10-Feb-18 16:02:07

Mediation? Could help sort it out.

Family Courts, who make a legally enforceable order for contact, don’t have to be expensive and often come to a sensible judgement. Very newly qualified barristers are not that expensive per case. Look for a family solicitor who has good links with a competitively priced barrister and you will be represented in court which is better for you. Surely your child is worth that?

MrsBertBibby Sat 10-Feb-18 18:40:09

Mediation is completely inappropriate in cases of serious domestic abuse.

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