50/50 custody and finances

[singlemum32]

I am separated (ex has filed for divorce but only the initial letter stages) and my ex husband is saying he wants the children 50/50 - i.e. a 3/4 day split or 2/2/3. At the moment he has them 6 days out of a fortnight (2 nights one week and 4 the next), but the children are already getting fed up with the constant shuffling on the weeks that he has them more, and are complaining that they don't have long enough with me. My youngest (they are 6 and 8) is getting pretty emotional at times and it is tough.

We went to mediation yesterday over the children, however he will not back down and is adamant he wants a 2/2/3 day split. I feel this would be too disruptive for them. He is not willing to discuss any finances at this stage (he is currently in the family home and has changed the locks- half the deposit was mine but i wasn't on the mortgage due to being pregnant when we relocated, previous home and was joint and jointly paid for), he does not want to sell the family home. Meanwhile i am in my parent's holiday let and need to be out by April. He earns double what I do.

I strongly suspect his motivation for being adamant that he needs the kid's 7 nights a fortnight it based on maintenance (he currently doesn't pay any) and the house.

Has anyone been through this- what is likely to happen if it ends up in court?

[EarthwormsAndSnails]

My best advice for the children is: make sure you separate child custody discussions from financial discussions. I would sort out the child custody first through mediation and then when you have reached an agreement and compromise, begin sorting finances.

I know a lot of MN's on here believe the mother should have the child more regardless but in my personal opinion and if it was me. I would encourage and support the 50/50 split, never talk about any issues in front of DC and ask your ex to do the same. This was it's as smooth transition as possible.

[bastardkitty]

^ Is this a qualified legal opinion?

[prh47bridge]

The difference between 6 days per fortnight and 50/50 is minimal - 26 nights a year. I suspect he would get 50/50 if he asked the courts. I would concentrate on working out a schedule that works for both of you. And I agree with a previous poster that you and your ex should not talk about any issues in front of the children.

Remember that your children may be telling you what they think you want to hear. It may be true that they really do want to spend more time with you and less with their father, but equally it may be that they are saying this because they think it is what you want.

[howdoyoudecide]

Doesn’t matter that you aren’t on the mortgage or the deeds. It is a marital asset. And legally you are entitled to access. And entitled to your share of the equity.

[pallisers]

It may be true that they really do want to spend more time with you and less with their father, but equally it may be that they are saying this because they think it is what you want.

Or it may be they truly dislike having to change house every few days - the way most of us would.

The house is a marital asset. However maintenance works out, it is not fair that your deposit and your marital asset are benefiting only one person when the marriage splits.

[prh47bridge]

I didn't address the financial issues in my last post. As others have said, the house is an asset of the marriage. It will be part of the financial settlement. Unless he can give you a fair share of the assets from other sources he will have to sell it.

If you need to return to the house you should be able to get an occupation order.

You need to get proper legal advice.

[singlemum32]

Thanks for this- isn't an occupation order only possible where there has been domestic abuse?

[Collaborate]

isn't an occupation order only possible where there has been domestic abuse?

No. You can get someone out of a property in the absence of violence or abuse, and can get an order preventing your exclusion from the property.