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Legal matters

Filing for divorce

7 replies

Bedraggledmumoftwo · 02/01/2018 10:44

My husband and I separated five and a half months ago following my discovery of his adultery. At the time I wanted to file for divorce straight away and told him I only had six months on adulterous grounds but he asked me to give it time and do it after six months if I still wanted to.

So now here we are, I still want to, and the clock is ticking. I had hoped I would feel differently by now but i am unable to get over it. So I need to file in the next fortnight. I'm not in any real hurry to get it finalised, I just want to set the ball rolling and I definitely want to state adultery on principle, so it needs to be in the next fortnight.

He knows this and has suggested mediation. My question is, if we are going to go through mediation in relation to finances and kids, is there any need for me to engage a lawyer at this time? I just want to get it filed as it is hanging over my head and stressing me out that the clock is ticking. Can I just fill out a form d8 myself and then worry about sorting out mediation and or lawyers later?

I have a signed confession of his adultery, and he will not contest it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

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MoonGeek · 02/01/2018 10:46

I would always recommend getting solicitor

I'm not a solicitor!

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Bedraggledmumoftwo · 02/01/2018 11:22

Thanks. I will obviously need a solicitor to sort out the consent order etc once we have agreed the finances and kids, but I am more wondering if there is any reason not to fill out the petition myself - you can actually do it online and I just want to get it filed asap as it is stressing me out and I am going to struggle to actually see a lawyer in the next few weeks!

It's kind of a new year therapeutic thing. I just want to get the first step done!

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Lonecatwithkitten · 02/01/2018 11:50

If you separated and live apart within 6 months of the adultery coming to light you can file for divorce at a later date.
I filed 18 months after the discovery of the adultery and 15 months after we had separated and my decree nici and eventually absolute we're granted on the basis of adultery.

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Collaborate · 02/01/2018 12:02

It really is up to you.

You've misunderstood the 6 month deadline though. That relates to how long you can live with a spouse after discovering adultery before you lose the right to petition for divorce based upon that act of adultery. AS you've already separated you can take your time.

The only thing I would say about when you see a solicitor is this: unless you have a good idea about what a court is likely to award you mediation might not be helpful. Let's assume you get a deal at mediation and then go to a solicitor. The solicitor might point out to you all the ways in which it's a bad deal, that you haven't considered before. You can back out of the mediation deal at that stage, but it would make it far harder to negotiate something different with your spouse. that is why it's always a good idea for both parties to get legal advice before each mediation session.

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kittensinmydinner1 · 03/01/2018 08:20

There is no reason why you can't complete the petition yourself. I did this with my first marriage. It does depend though if there is much to dispute with regard to money/kids. Or is that part agreed. ?
If it's all agreed and you are happy it's fair, then download the divorce petition (x 3 as far as I remember) and follow the notes .

If there is dispute about anything. Get a lawyer . The six month thing only applies if you have continued to live with him. Just 'separating' but remaining in the same house would mean falling foul of this rule. You need to be living in different places.

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Bedraggledmumoftwo · 03/01/2018 08:32

Thanks all. We haven't lived together since three days after D-day. So I guess the clock isn't ticking so urgently. But in a way that's a bad thing as I need something to push me to do it. I really wish I'd just done it in the heat of the initial anger, and since I didn't I've been feeling like I'm in limbo and need to get the impetus back. Sad

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MoonGeek · 03/01/2018 10:40

Yes I wish I had done it sooner. It can be a long process - mine has been two and a half years so far.

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