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Jury help please

(17 Posts)
GhostsInSnow Tue 05-Dec-17 11:38:23

A few months ago I received a letter for Jury Service. My initial thoughts were to defer, but I was concerned if I did I might get called up next year during a big family holiday, so I accepted.

The service starts on Monday, however, I'm currently not doing so well. I lost my Mum very very suddenly at the beginning of the year and the shock was immense for me. At the time I suffered nightmares for months over it. As time passed the nightmares ceased.

It's coming up to Christmas now, a time we'd traditionally spend together for a lot of the time. As it gets nearer I'm finding the nightmares are back again, I'm extremely emotional and generally not functioning as well as I should be.

I have an appointment with my nurse this afternoon, who I know is going to ask what on earth I thought I was doing accepting the Jury Service, however, I am concerned if she gives me the letter to defer on health grounds this time I could be recalled during my June holiday.

What can I do?

lucylouuu Tue 05-Dec-17 11:40:50

I think there’s only a very very small chance you’ll be called up when you’re due to go on holiday... have they said it would be in June if you did?

Groovee Tue 05-Dec-17 11:41:48

I was medically excused last year at this time and haven't been recalled so far.

Blueroses99 Tue 05-Dec-17 11:42:05

You can defer or be excused if you already have a holiday booked so when you contact them to defer on health grounds (good idea), explain in a covering letter all dates that you will not be available.

lucylouuu Tue 05-Dec-17 11:42:08

it sounds like you definitely shouldn’t do it next week though, i’d get the letter from your nurse. i hope you’re okay and hope you start to feel better soon 💗

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 05-Dec-17 11:43:56

Hi Ghosts, I'm so sorry about your Mum.

I think you need to put more importance on your mental health now, than your holiday next year. But you can tell them in advance which dates you are and are not available for the next 12 months after you defer.

I hope that helps to set your mind at rest.

GhostsInSnow Tue 05-Dec-17 11:50:17

Thanks all. I have name changed for this but some may recognise my story. Mum and I were very close, I'm an only child. I spoke to her in the morning as I always do, she took her dog for a walk and just died. Just like that, in the street surrounded by strangers. I had a hard time getting past that. The police came to my work and took me to the hospital. I kept replaying it all in my head. My DD (19) was so traumatised by the loss of her beloved Nan she took an overdose. Thankfully she was ok and is getting better, but this is a snapshot of how things have gone.

We booked the holiday as it is to a place Mum loved and was forever telling me to visit. I can't miss that. Its for her.

The nightmares are back, I'm back at the house and the new owners are there. I'm not sleeping because I don't want to keep going back to that dream. I don't want Xmas without my Mum. I can't talk about this at home because of my DD's fragile health.

It's all such a bloody mess.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 05-Dec-17 11:57:42

Oh Gosh. Yes, sounds like a terrible time for you all.

Have you had any counselling? Would you consider it? For both your DD and yourself? Avoiding talking about it may actually not be helping either of you. Perhaps speak to your GP?

Hopefully the jury service is one less thing to worry about now. Definitely ask your GP or nurse for a letter.

GhostsInSnow Tue 05-Dec-17 12:01:44

DD has had extensive counselling and has just started back to work. I'm mindful of 'rocking the boat' so to speak so try and keep a bit of a brave face on it. I speak to DH when I can and try not to bottle things up, it's just the time of year thats harder than I ever anticipated it to be.

My nurse was Mums nurse and loved her to bits. She was also very upset when Mum went and has supported me all the way through this. She's fabulous. I'll speak to her this afternoon and see what she recommends.
I'm just concentrating on the day to day at the moment and really don't want the jury service on top of that.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 05-Dec-17 12:21:29

Yeah, it sucks. I lost my DF and both DGFs just before Xmas (different years but all during the festive season), people don't really seem to understand why I'm not the life and soul of the party at this time of year.

I totally appreciate you not wanting to upset your DD, but don't put yourself at the back of the queue. She was your Mum. If you can't talk about how you feel at home, you really need somewhere else to let it out. Have you thought about Cruse bereavement counselling?

Good luck with the nurse this afternoon.

OhforfucksakeFay Wed 06-Dec-17 05:05:14

You need to get signed off for Monday asap by your GP or nurse if she can do it. Your mental health doesn't sound well enough. As you've already accepted just get a letter explaining your mental health has deteriorated and you are not fit for jury service next week and will not be for X weeks / months etc. You may not even be well enough by June but a prebooked holiday is a perfectly acceptable reason to defer again and you can send in your dates.

I'm sorry that the loss of your mum has been so traumatic for you.

BitchyHen Wed 06-Dec-17 05:51:38

I've recently done jury service. If you defer, they will ask for any dates you can't be available for in the next year so you will be able to avoid jury service over your holiday. Hopefully this sets your mind at rest.

GhostsInSnow Wed 06-Dec-17 11:31:01

had a long chat with nurse yesterday, can't praise her enough she really is amazing.
I hadn't said here I was also made redundant back in October so am currently at a bit of a loose end. Nurse seems to think that getting out, meeting people, albeit other jurors will do me good and stop me moping around at home (she is probably right, I don't go out much).
She also points out it's a rather good distraction from everything thats gone on this year. We're also arranging some counselling for me to get me back on track.

I took on board what she said and decided to go ahead with it. It's probably 2 weeks at most and it will be over with. Hopefully nothing to emotional. I guess I can also do a bit of Christmas shopping over lunch.

Thank you all for your help and advice.

Wolfiefan Wed 06-Dec-17 11:36:59

Good luck. It may not even end up being two weeks. We finished early! There can also be a lot of hanging around so make sure you have stuff to occupy you.
I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time. flowers

GhostsInSnow Wed 06-Dec-17 12:12:35

Thanks Wolfie.
I'll load up my kindle, take my iPad for some serious MN'tting and settle in.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 06-Dec-17 12:35:42

Don't forget to take your charger! I ended up relying on ye olde fangled paper books as everyone was arguing over the few phone sockets in the waiting room. confused

Glad you had a good chat with your nurse and hope you get back on track soon.

Wolfiefan Wed 06-Dec-17 12:36:55

Do! We had hours doing nothing!

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