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Parental alienation

(7 Posts)
DoorNumberOne Fri 01-Dec-17 21:04:24

I've read the new stuff about parental alienation because my ex is accusing me of it.

But the thing is my kids go to contact and are happy to see him. They have been reluctant in the past and I've helped them through it. He is saying I've alienated them by telling the police about him hitting me, and because the dc have exaggerated a single doubtful comment I made (not a negative comment - but saying I wasn't sure if something he had told them was true). I make sure that I am enthusiastic when they talk about him, and say positive things.

But like I said, they see him and are happy to see him. And I send them for every contact that is arranged and I'm proactive in arranging contact. If I was alienating them I wouldn't be doing that surely? Is he talking crap and trying to scare me, or should I be worried?

Can anyone point me in the direction of any quality and reliable stuff written about PA? When I google I come up with a lot of American stuff, and Fathers for justice type stuff - I don't know what is relevant and reliable, and what is just Internet drivel.

Thanks.

HirplesWithHaggis Fri 01-Dec-17 21:22:48

He's trying to scare you, in the UK it's usually claimed by abusive men (like your ex) and that's largely how the judiciary treat it. Of course it does happen sometimes, and there's currently a push for greater recognition (there was an article in the press the other day), that's probably where your ex got the idea.

But with your record (that he's hit you, and this was reported to the police, that you've always encouraged contact) he doesn't stand a chance of showing that's what you're doing.

It's just a continuation of his abusive behaviour.

prh47bridge Fri 01-Dec-17 21:23:10

If your children are happy to see him there is no way his claim of parental alienation will stick. Telling the police that he hit you is definitely not alienation. He is talking rubbish. You have nothing to worry about.

DoorNumberOne Fri 01-Dec-17 21:53:03

Great - thanks so much. I will ignore him then.

Mc180768 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:56:24

Agree with both posters up thread, OP.

Parental Alienation is still very misunderstood. I have researched for years way before it came known in UK.

Please do not allow this man to worry you with this nonsense. You are doing all you can to maintain your children's relationship with their father. That is the direct opposite to PA.

donners312 Thu 07-Dec-17 20:53:44

Just because he says something, it doesn't mean it is true?

DoorNumberOne Thu 07-Dec-17 21:44:51

No - of course not. But I've had years of conditioning that is still in force on some level that makes him sound convincing to me.

I've just had dc saying to me at bedtime that he doesn't trust dad, and thinks dad will hurt him. I said you've had a lovely time seeing him recently, and he said yes but in the contact centre there's other people there and maybe dads just acting. He said he didn't want to go to his dads place alone or stay overnight there.

I know this comes from his dad having hurt him in the past, he told social workers about it at the time of the split. But my first thought was fear that this will lay me open to these accusations of parental alienation. I want to validate dcs feelings, but feel scared to do so. I'm sure that is not the intended consequence, but I'm also sure I'm not the only one feeling like this. And it's really not right.

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