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Is it likely abusive ex will get shared care?

(3 Posts)
NancyPiecrust Tue 14-Nov-17 23:21:05

Going to FHDRA for Child Arrangements Order as my DD's father who I left when she was 1 (she 3 now) is taking me to court for shared care. He wants her 5 nights a week alternate weeks & extra non direct contact when she's with me & 50/50 holidays and extra time for special occasions.
I left him due to Domestic Abuse - ongoing since I moved in with him & and getting worst when I was pregnant & worse still when DD was born. We saw 3 different couples therapists & he would not address his mental health or addiction issues or admit that he had a problem with his temper or was abusives so I left.
He has contact with DD mid week & alternate weekends but not overnight. He has in the past had periods of no unsupervised contact after I had concerns about his conduct with DD when she was 2. He has moved closer to use with the ruse of being able to co parent with me and see her more regularly but suddenly turned quite nasty - harassing, hostile at handovers in front of DD, controlling, calling her nursery trying to cause problems & throwing his weight around/ demanding that my parents not look after DD, that I always ask him. Even though I find it very traumatic talking with him he started demanding I have talks with him about various things even private things in my life, clearly seething with anger at me in front of DD when I was firm or strong and told him to stop contacting me as his behaviour was becoming erratic & upsetting me and DD.. I then get court paper, which he filled out not long after he moved so he'd be planning for a while, his behaviour was to get me to look like I was "obstructing " contact. In the midst of all this DD had begun waking every night with nightmares, night terrors etc for weeks, regressing to baby-ish behaviour & saying she didn't want to have sleepovers with Daddy.
Then she started to come back from contact with him crying and angry at me saying "Daddy says you're stopping me doing x, y z and that I should be allowed / can't until Mummy says yes etc" ... so he's using her as ammo/manipulating her.

I have a solicitor but don't know what to expect at FHDRA or how I should explain to CAFCASS...? Or whether he's likely to get what he wants as it's be awful for DD sad

MrsBertBibby Wed 15-Nov-17 08:22:59

You tell CAFCASS exactly what you have said here.

HonestOtter Wed 15-Nov-17 12:42:26

Tell CAFCASS everything relevant that has happened and how it currently affects your child or may do in the future. Get it organised in your head and make a list of your concerns and why you have them. Get as much proof as you can, texts, emails, call records, dates you went to therapy, etc. I'm waiting for a Section 7 report atm. My ex hasn't had any unsupervised contact yet and doesn't seem likely to have for another few months at least. Good luck!

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