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What does this mean for us? Help...

(13 Posts)
CV123x Sun 12-Nov-17 23:48:17

My husband and I have just been told that my husbands father will appear in court for historical child sex abuse. He has admitted part of the allegation, of touching her breasts one a couple of occasions and her vagina the once, he says nothing else happened.

Anyway we kno we are to expect a letter from I’m assuming the courts, is this just to tell us what we already know, that his father is guilty of child sex abuse and to make percussion’s when it comes to our one year old daughter, or are we to expect more to come of this?

Would really appreciate some insight into all this and what to expect.

Collaborate Mon 13-Nov-17 06:39:11

I don’t know why the court would write to you. Social services or the police may formally warn you.

What next? You simply take the blindingly obvious precautions.

PotteringAlong Mon 13-Nov-17 06:43:22

I imagine it is social services who will contact you, not the courts. As he has admitted it he will be on the sex offenders register and they will want to know you are taking appropriate steps to protect your daughter.

LoverOfCake Mon 13-Nov-17 06:47:04

I'd imagine that SS will write to you. He may receive a custodial sentence but either way he is likely to be on the sex offenders register. As for what it means for you, I presume you will be going NC and that he will no longer be permitted any kind of relationship with any of your children ever.

Bananamanfan Mon 13-Nov-17 06:49:31

Have you had much contact with FIL? Did DH know about this previously and what is the reaction within the family?

pollyhampton Mon 13-Nov-17 06:55:55

A similar situation happened to me but we were already nc with the person. We had a letter from SS informing us that person had been found guilty and offered help if we needed it. They came for a visit and that was it. They were very supportive and helpful.

CV123x Mon 13-Nov-17 13:53:31

Thank you for all your replies... I didn’t go to much into details as it’s wrong and there’s absolutely no defending him. I feel sicked by it all, and now have a husband who feels incredibly ashamed and let down. We just wanted to know how this was going to effect the 3 of us.

It was/is his step daughter and she was about 12.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Mon 13-Nov-17 14:00:21

Isn't nc the only option?.

PotteringAlong Mon 13-Nov-17 16:48:53

It will affect you in that you, for the sake of your daughter, can never have any contact with him again.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 13-Nov-17 17:06:46

"nothing else happened" hmm - what he did was bad enough!

CV123x Mon 13-Nov-17 19:21:48

For me my opinion on his parents have completely changed, and from having a long chat with my husband today, me and his daughter is what matters, and he said he’s just not sure who his parents are anymore, makes me so sad that they have let him down like this, his wife knew not at the time of it happening but when she called into the school at the time, social services were involved all that time ago (30+ years ago) but for some reason nothing came of police involvement - which baffles me!! I have to question a women who stays with someone who they have brought into the home married and had a son with that then touches their daughter!!! (my husband was around one at the time)

CV123x Mon 13-Nov-17 19:29:40

I just hope for us it doesn’t mean involvement from Social services, and my daughter being on some sort of “risk list” because quite frankly that will piss me off - not at the services but at his parents who have got us in this situation. I don’t need to have SS around to advice me to being a good mother and that perverts are bad news!!

MrsBertBibby Mon 13-Nov-17 19:53:31

Any involvement is likely to be very light touch and supportive, unless you were to be protesting his innocence, minimising his guilt, and insisting he would never touch your child. If that were the case, they would get a lot more concerned, naturally enough.

If your attitude is of disgust, and your plans to sever ties, then you have little to worry about.

This isn't your husband's shame, though. Remind him of that. It's a corrosive way to feel.

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