In an argument today my fiancé said that if I left him he would take me to court and get full custody of our baby (when he’s born, I’m only 5 months pregnant). It’s his first baby and my second and I would just like to say that I would never stop a Dad seeing baby ever unless it was for it’s own wellbeing. He struggles with his anger but says I’m “mad” because I’ve got PTSD and OCD. I’m a fantastic mother by the way. I live in a rented house with my son and my fiancé has no place of his own but does have a steady job whereas I’m struggling with disability and 0 hour contracts. Just wondering if anyone’s had similar?
I must admit it wasn’t the nicest thing to hear. He struggles with his anxiety and I try to help him but I have stress induced seizures and had just come round from one (through arguing) when he said this. His temper is terrible and I do everything I can for him but it doesn’t help. He’s very stressed with work. It all sounds awful but it was better before his job stress, or we wouldn’t have planned this baby. I’m scared to put him on the BC but obviously we’re both his parents so we have to.
He’s not hugely controlling but it does my head in when he tells me what to do “for my own good” because of my health (epilepsy, possible fibromyalgia and spine problems) though I tend to do it anyway. We argue a lot because his work stresses make him horrible. I left my son’s Dad because I won’t have arguing around my kids and he’s too controlling to leave. He was perfect but I suppose they all say that.
You don't have to at all. You aren't married and you can't put him on unless he's there. It's a standard threat chucked out by men to scare their partners. Very few follow through. And judges would be reluctant to take a newborn away from it's mother, particularly if breast feeding without an extremely good reason.
Im sorry, I know this is the legal board - but he is NOT horrible because of his job stresses. He is choosing to be horrible and using his job stresses as an excuse.
You say you wouldnt have planned the baby if he'd been horrible before. I'd put money on these supposed 'job stresses' appearing and 'making' him awful around the time that you found out you were pregnant?
These men wait until you are trapped in some way - for example being pregnant - to start showing you their true selves. This is a strategy, deliberately chosen over and over again by these types of men, because they think once you are pregnant/married/living together (delete as appropriate) you are less likely to leave and will put up with more. Sadly it's often an effective strategy.
Legally you absolutely CAN refuse to put him on the birth certificate. You can also call the baby “Twinkledust Starbright” if you want and there is nothing he can do about it. You are not married so his connection to the baby doesn’t start until either he gets a court order or you choose to put his name on the certificate.
Make sure you give the baby your surname. (Realistically you will be the main carer so much easier if you two have the same name.)
If you finished with him then I suspect your seizures (and so disability) will reduce massively as you said they are stress related and it is him that is causing you all the stress.